A Christmas Eve pep talk for you.

[Rain Man]

Okay, I know things have been a little rough lately. We scored 50+ points and lost. Our star running back pushed a person who lacked a Y chromosome. One of our best players can't find his spirit animal. People still think the team is in Kansas. The list goes on.

But we all know the bad news. I'm here in the locker room with you today to tell you the good news. And there's more good news than bad news.

So let's review, shall we? We'll start with the short term things that are right in front of us, and then we'll move out to the horizon.

Okay, first, we have the rest of the season. The playoffs start now, and our first opponent is 3-11, playing on a short week, coming to a road game, and they're time-traveling from 20 years in the past with their coaching staff. I think we can take these guys, and if we do then guess what? We're only two home games from playing in the Super Bowl! The Super Bowl! The land of myths and legends that no mortal Chiefs fan has ever visited unless they're old. And we will have the easiest path there of any team in the league.

So two games. And who will we play? It's anyone's guess, but it'll probably be some slugs of teams. The Texans and Ravens are irrelevant expansion teams, the Patriots and Steelers are tottering Byzantine Empires that have rotted from within, the Titans have no Jeff Triplette any more, and the Chargers? We have more Super Bowl trophies than the Chargers, so what does that tell you?

And once we go into combat, what do we have? We have the NFL MVP. We have the fastest man in the NFL and the quickest man in the NFL, who are the same man. We have the best tight end, a devastating pass rush, and a veritable army of "Did Not Practice" stars who should be returning to action fresh and rested.

Rest assured, we are currently the king of the mountain, and other teams won't be able to dislodge us. Sure, Patrick Mahomes II is shackled to the flailing albatross that is Bob Sutton, but are you really going to bet against Patrick Mahomes II? He's made 69 yard throws, left-handed throws, and on-the-run sprinting throws. Sutton can't even stop a normal offense, much less stop the greatness of Patrick Mahomes II and his merry band of touchdown scorers. And over the next two weeks, this team is only going to get better with the likes of LDTMD, Watkins, Erving, Ware, Fuller, and the physical manifestation of Eric Berry.

We've got this season in the palms of our hands. We will crush it into applesauce with our fists.

And that's just the short term. Looking forward, the future is so bright that we must don visual protection. We have the best of everything at all of the key positions. We have the best quarterback, the best wide receiver, a dominating inside/outside pass rush, and of course punter if we should ever need that skill. We even have a pro bowl left tackle now, and I bet you never saw that coming. We even have Bailey and Kpassagnon to terrify the opposition as they step off the bus.

The long-term needs of the team are minor and solvable. We'll do the classic political trick of naming Bob Sutton the ambassador to some faraway foreign land without phone or internet, and then we'll pick up an inside linebacker, safety, and center in the draft. How good does it feel that our main draft needs are inside linebacker, safety, and center?

And our division rivals? Come on. Could this get any better? Denver is being run by a semi-conscious egomaniac who is not just incompetent, but also un-fireable, and their ownership is in shambles. Oakland is being run by a guy with a bowl haircut from a Lewis Carroll novel and a coach whose prime was during the Bush presidency. And San Die - um, Los Angeles - can't fill a soccer stadium, and their greatest asset is a 37 year old quarterback who is basically the Screech of the NFL.

Yes sirree, this team is positioned for success both in the short term and the long term. Our window is open, and it's one of those sliding garage door things that you see in beachfront bars. All we have to do is leap through it.

So chin up, little buckos. Listen to this song in its entirety, and let's unleash the dervish next Sunday to get this dance started.

[DanT]

Originally Posted by Donger

I almost don't want to see the Chiefs in the SB this year. It feels vaguely familiar and premature, like when my parents let handed me the keys to '73 Chevy Chevelle with bald tires when I was 14.

For the benefit of the youngsters, when we say "the keys", that's because GM cars had 2 keys back then, one with a round/oval head (for the trunk, glove compartment and door), and the other with a square/rectangular head, for the ignition and, possibly, the door.
You can see pictures here: http://www.carlocksandkeys.com/blog/...nd-key-blanks/

GM famously was resistant to change from 2 keys to 1. Here's a NY Times article from late 1992 discussing that:
https://www.nytimes.com/1992/12/29/b...-unwanted.html

When the Chiefs last were in the Super Bowl, worldwide, there were 147 people not living in extreme poverty for every 222 people who were. Nowadays, for the same 222 living in extreme poverty, we have more than 7,000 people who are not. https://ourworldindata.org/extreme-poverty

So, things can get way better with time and effort.

[FloridaMan88]

It can always be worse... you could be at the rainy dump in Oakland tonight on Christmas Eve with two teams who were ready for the offseason two weeks ago.

[Imon Yourside]

Originally Posted by NJChiefsFan

Hilarious and inspiring. I don't know whether to go fight or hug some carolers.

Rainman would hug it out.

Hey Rainman I'm in Kansas and a Chiefs fan, is that bad?

[wazu]

I think Rain Man is the only ChiefsPlanet poster capable of pulling off this thread.

[Prison Bitch]

Originally Posted by Donger

Pretty much. Wrapped it around a tree two weeks later. Bent the chassis.

That's purely on your folks then. I absolve you of any guilt, say 3 hail marys and go in peace.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by KILLER_CLOWN

Rainman would hug it out.

Hey Rainman I'm in Kansas and a Chiefs fan, is that bad?

Get over here for a hug, man.

Being a Chiefs fan in Kansas is not a bad thing at all. It's where all of the visiting fans have to come for games.

[ChiefsLV]

Arrowhead was built on an ancient Native American burial ground.

[HemiEd]

Originally Posted by Coogs

Hey! Who you calling old!?!?!?

I picked that thorn out of the rose bush as well.

[MahiMike]

Originally Posted by Donger

I almost don't want to see the Chiefs in the SB this year. It feels vaguely familiar and premature, like when my parents let handed me the keys to '73 Chevy Chevelle with bald tires when I was 14.

Better than my situation. My parents sold the '67 Mustang when it needed tires and I was 14.

[Why Not?]

You just convinced me. Give me my dollar back!

[Coogs]

Originally Posted by HemiEd

I picked that thorn out of the rose bush as well.

[Chief Pote]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Here's a prescription. Watch this twice and then call me in the morning if you don't feel better.

I'm feeling a little better BUT, after watching that video it's confirmed, the play calling has gone vanilla and we've lost our spark. We are now being out coached and I hope Andy decides to watch the film from the old days and we find our MOJO soon.

[Naptown Chief]

Originally Posted by Marcellus

One convincing dominating win against the Raiders and it will be all sunshine and blowjobs here again.

Who's doing the blowing? Asking for a friend

[TimeForWasp]

I see the light.

[wheeler08]

I’ll have better feelings if Watkins plays fully healthy with the strength of his full spirit animal after the bye