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Old 04-17-2022, 10:50 AM  
Mephistopheles Janx Mephistopheles Janx is offline
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Gained membership into the club last Saturday at 8:10AM.

Throwing a party today. Bunch of people coming to the farm today. Spreading ashes. It is kinda ****ed up because we came out here to get away from people, yet today what I need is people around me, but I'm also *REALLY* looking forward to them all going away.

We weren't Christian. In neither of our estimation (hers and mine) is she in "a better place", "teaching kids in heaven", or "fulfilling God's plan". Not to take anything away from you all who believe. That isn't even remotely my intent. Just thinking about the platitudes I've heard so far and how unhelpful the majority of them are. Her place was here, with me, with our dogs, with our animals. I had 30-40 years left with her. She is not where she belongs.

----

Best thing I ever did was give her a gigantic leatherbound journal for our first anniversary. I now have the past 15 years of her innermost thoughts, her drawings, her struggles, and her victories all at my fingertips.

Biggest takeaway so far is that I just need to tread water for the next 6 months. No big decisions, no moving, no ending the lives of all my pets and then squaring myself away.

It has been a week and it has gotten "easier" to bear which is just code words for "just being in your house isn't gonna make you lose your shit"... it means that you get used to being in the house UNTIL you see something that brings up a specific memory or someone says something that touches on one of your inside secrets or struggles as a couple. Then you lose it all over again. Then, and only then, does your brain get the chance to prepare itself for the next time it sees or hears that specific reference.

---

Life is short, it is beautiful... but it is also ****ing horseshit. The only actual and truly wonderful part of mine is gone.

https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries...msHuTgYiRw8e-Y

/don't worry about condolences for me or the like... take that energy and put it towards that person you married. Get up from your desk, find them, and squeeze the **** out of them instead.
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Old 04-17-2022, 01:33 PM   #31
Marcellus Marcellus is offline
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Sorry to hear this man, I don't know you but my thoughts are with you. Hang in there.
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Old 04-17-2022, 01:37 PM   #32
Shiver Me Timbers Shiver Me Timbers is offline
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................take that energy and put it towards that person you married. Get up from your desk, find them, and squeeze the **** out of them instead.

Thanks for saying that .
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Old 04-17-2022, 01:38 PM   #33
Coochie liquor Coochie liquor is offline
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Sorry for your loss my brother. Hope you’re doing well mentally, it seems you are. Bless up, only the good die young.
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Old 04-17-2022, 01:39 PM   #34
srvy srvy is offline
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I too am sorry to hear this. I will respect your wishes and also refer to StevieRays thoughts as I couldn't say it better either.
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Old 04-17-2022, 01:45 PM   #35
cdcox cdcox is offline
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So sorry to hear about your tragic loss, Janx.
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Old 04-17-2022, 03:41 PM   #36
HayWire HayWire is offline
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Condolences.

My Dad just became a widower recently and I've seen the toll it can take. Best of luck
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Old 04-17-2022, 03:50 PM   #37
Delano Delano is offline
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If we were vampires and death was a joke
We'd go out on the sidewalk and smoke
Laugh at all the lovers and their plans
I wouldn't feel the need to hold your hand
Maybe time running out is a gift
I'll work hard 'til the end of my shift
And give you every second I can find
And hope it isn't me who's left behind
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Old 04-17-2022, 04:18 PM   #38
Bowser Bowser is offline
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Condolences, MJ.
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Old 04-17-2022, 04:54 PM   #39
Mizzou_8541 Mizzou_8541 is offline
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Damn. So sorry for you loss.
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Old 04-17-2022, 05:11 PM   #40
Buehler445 Buehler445 is offline
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Damn. So sorry man.

I am not sure I can live without the wife. She is certainly the better half. Stay strong man. I can't even imagine.

She was only a couple months older than my brother
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Old 04-17-2022, 05:20 PM   #41
Hoover Hoover is offline
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Very sorry for your loss. My mom journals, I read previous years when I visit for Christmas. Its the only thing I want of hers when she's gone.
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Old 04-17-2022, 05:22 PM   #42
seclark seclark is offline
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Check your inbox, m j
sec
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Old 04-17-2022, 05:26 PM   #43
Simply Red Simply Red is offline
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ugh man this is starting to suck hard! Prayers up and out to you and yours bud. I'm sorry!
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Old 04-17-2022, 05:27 PM   #44
Kman34 Kman34 is online now
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Taking your advice... Thank you.. Hope you find some peace and joy somehow.. Sorry for your loss..
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Old 04-17-2022, 05:37 PM   #45
Iowanian Iowanian is offline
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This explains some things.

Sorry you’re going through that.
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