Who is the most idiotic person you have ever met? - Page 4

WebGem · 02-16-2005, 12:39 AM

Share some stories.

**Rain Man** · 02-16-2005, 09:51 AM

There are different types of idiots. (It would be a good project to classify them, now that I think of it.)

A couple that spring to mind are:

1. The natural-born idiot. This is someone who was just born stupid and can't help it. When I was about 12, I would buy loose football cards at our local version of Wal-Mart. They were at some sort of counter that wasn't the checkout stand, and the woman who worked there was a natural-born idiot. The cards were two for a penny, and no matter how many I bought, she would ring up some random amount of money for anywhere from one cent to a dollar. There was never a pattern at all, and she'd get really nasty if I tried to explain the math to her. I finally just gave up and assumed that the costs would even out over the long run, so I just paid whatever number she rang up.

2. The socially hilarious idiot. There was this guy in my undergrad school who was often entertaining. He was American, but apparently of Italian background, because he had an Italian name and appearance, which really set him apart in Rolla. He had a thing for the ladies and was always trying to impress them, and he usually did just the opposite. The funniest little incident happened one time in the student lounge. He saw some ladies that he liked over near the pool tables, so he sauntered over, coolly flung his backpack onto the table nearest them, and did a nice little twisting jump to sit on the edge of the table facing them. Unfortunately, he never noticed the two guys three feet away who were in the middle of a game on the table, and they offered up a less-than-friendly reaction as his backpack went scraping through the balls. I also remember his Kung Fu demonstration during our Tae Kwan Do class, which was intended to impress the very worthy Sabrina but which drew guffaws from everyone but an irritated teacher.

**Dartgod** · 02-16-2005, 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bwana

Yeah but did you guys ever have any good deals on muffler bearings or blinker fluid?

No, but we did have this one dumbass parts driver that we messed with on a daily basis. Sent him on snipe hunt once looking for a "shelf stretcher." This same mental midget would never lock his personal car. So whenever we sent him on a parts run, we'd go out and fuck with his car in some way. We did lots of shit to him, disconnected the shift linkage from the steering column, put the rear wheels up on jack stands so they barely cleared the ground, tied shit to his back bumper so he'd drag it behind him when he left, moved the car across the street and put a For Sale sign on it, etc. The best one was when I got under his hood and ran a jumper wire from his horn to his right turn signal wire. He had to turn right when leaving at the end of the day. You can guess how that went...

HONK....HONK....HONK....HONK......

Funny thing was, he didn't make the connection. We are in the store, laughing our asses off and the next day he comes in telling us his horn was messed up. I told him I could fix and pulled the wire off. Told him it was a short. He never had a clue we were fucking with him.

milkman · 02-16-2005, 09:55 AM

I was at a fast food joint a couple weeks ago, and of course the idiot behind the counter couldn't figure out how much change to give back on a 5.00 bill for a 4.99 purchase, because she accidentally punched in 500.00.

**Bwana** · 02-16-2005, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dartgod

No, but we did have this one dumbass parts driver that we messed with on a daily basis. Sent him on snipe hunt once looking for a "shelf stretcher." This same mental midget would never lock his personal car. So whenever we sent him on a parts run, we'd go out and fuck with his car in some way. We did lots of shit to him, disconnected the shift linkage from the steering column, put the rear wheels up on jack stands so they barely cleared the ground, tied shit to his back bumper so he'd drag it behind him when he left, moved the car across the street and put a For Sale sign on it, etc. The best one was when I got under his hood and ran a jumper wire from his horn to his right turn signal wire. He had to turn right when leaving at the end of the day. You can guess how that went...

HONK....HONK....HONK....HONK......

Funny thing was, he didn't make the connection. We are in the store, laughing our asses off and the next day he comes in telling us his horn was messed up. I told him I could fix and pulled the wire off. Told him it was a short. He never had a clue we were fucking with him.

Oh, that's golden.

**HemiEd** · 02-16-2005, 10:12 AM

Denver fans...

**Dartgod** · 02-16-2005, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hemied

Denver fans...

What's your mom got to do with this?

**HemiEd** · 02-16-2005, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dartgod

What's your mom got to do with this?

**Saulbadguy** · 02-16-2005, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dartgod

No, but we did have this one dumbass parts driver that we messed with on a daily basis. Sent him on snipe hunt once looking for a "shelf stretcher." This same mental midget would never lock his personal car. So whenever we sent him on a parts run, we'd go out and fuck with his car in some way. We did lots of shit to him, disconnected the shift linkage from the steering column, put the rear wheels up on jack stands so they barely cleared the ground, tied shit to his back bumper so he'd drag it behind him when he left, moved the car across the street and put a For Sale sign on it, etc. The best one was when I got under his hood and ran a jumper wire from his horn to his right turn signal wire. He had to turn right when leaving at the end of the day. You can guess how that went...

HONK....HONK....HONK....HONK......

Funny thing was, he didn't make the connection. We are in the store, laughing our asses off and the next day he comes in telling us his horn was messed up. I told him I could fix and pulled the wire off. Told him it was a short. He never had a clue we were fucking with him.

Should have hooked it up to his brakes somehow. Think about it..sitting at the stoplight...HONKKKKKKKKKKKKKk.

**Skip Towne** · 02-16-2005, 10:17 AM

I used to go to this website called Chiefs Planet. Man, that place was full of idiots.

**Saulbadguy** · 02-16-2005, 10:23 AM

I worked retail for awhile, in a store called "batteries plus". They sell Batteries, believe it or not.

Anyways, a guy comes in and buys a car battery. He claims its for a generator. Anyways, he buys it, and then sets it on the counter and starts to screw on this clamp or something. As he is tightening it with his ratchet, he arcs it over. Boom. The lead from the terminals got everywhere.

He then asked for a new one, I said no, and he calmly walks out of the store and leaves.

yunghungwell · 02-16-2005, 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dartgod

A guy comes in wanting to buy a starter for his car. I'm asking questions to make sure that's what he needs to fix his problem. Turns out the starter is working just fine, spinning the engine over like it should. But the car won't start, so he thinks the problem must be the starter. It turned out to be a fuel pump or something.

A guy that we used to ride motorcycles with used to own a motorcycle repair shop. So, some dude comes in wanting his bike "re-jetted because it won't run right". My buddy asks him if he has checked to see if there is gas in the bike and the guy insist that the bike has plenty of gas. Guy leaves, buddy fills bike with gas, bike runs fine, buddy charges guy $100. Dumbass!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dartgod

No, but we did have this one dumbass parts driver that we messed with on a daily basis. Sent him on snipe hunt once looking for a "shelf stretcher." This same mental midget would never lock his personal car. So whenever we sent him on a parts run, we'd go out and fuck with his car in some way. We did lots of shit to him, disconnected the shift linkage from the steering column, put the rear wheels up on jack stands so they barely cleared the ground, tied shit to his back bumper so he'd drag it behind him when he left, moved the car across the street and put a For Sale sign on it, etc. The best one was when I got under his hood and ran a jumper wire from his horn to his right turn signal wire. He had to turn right when leaving at the end of the day. You can guess how that went...

Here is one you can try. Take a long zip-ty and tie it around the drive shaft so that the tag end of it come in contact with the body or frame on each revolution of the drive shaft. People will look for the rattle for days.

shaneo69 · 02-16-2005, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcan

-"Oh, you mean a compilation album."
"A what?"
-"Like a 'super seventies' type of album or something, when there are songs from different bands on one CD?"
"Yeah, like that."
-"I think we have a couple compilations in there, not too many though."

The two laugh and laugh, and snicker back and forth kinda repeating the word "compilation" and moching me a bit... I swear to God, these two were making fun of me, because they didn't know what the word I used meant!

They apparently thought "compilation" meant copulation.

NewChief · 02-16-2005, 10:48 AM

Had to be a guy at a remote Arkansas swimming hole.

We were all camping there, swimming and drinking, when some locals came down to escape the heat of an Arkansas summer. Being the accomodating folks that we are, we shared some beers and snuff with them. Once beer starts getting shared, Arkansas hillfolks are notorious for overstaying their welcome. These were no exception.

Anyway, they proceeded to get pretty well lit and make crude passes at the ladies we had with us, but we were all entertained and still enjoying ourselves...until the snakes showed up.

Someone spotted a couple of baby copperheads while they were going to take a leak. One of the hillbillies proceeded to imitate Steve Irwin (minus a few teeth) and tell us how baby copperheads aren't really that venomous. Then he moved from Steve Irwin to Patricia McConnell and declared the baby snakes were his "pets." He got bit probably 20 times as he showed his pets off to the rest of us, encouraging us to hold them too: an offer we politely, but firmly, declined.

Eventually this guy put the snakes into a mason jar to take home with him. Shortly after he stopped feeling so well, and we encouraged his buddies to get him to a hospital. That was the last we saw of them until...

Same swimming hole, same scene, a summer later. Same hillbillies show up, minus one. We all hated to ask them what had become of the Snake charmer, but we eventually did. Turns out he didn't actually die. His arm just swelled up to the size of a watermelon and he nearly lost some fingers.

That's a moron.

Radar Chief · 02-16-2005, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ENDelt260

I've recently started watching that show... and found that I enjoy it. Should I be ashamed of this?

I get it now

, “but it’s called chicken of the sea”.

**Dartgod** · 02-16-2005, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NewChief

Had to be a guy at a remote Arkansas swimming hole.

So what is Skip like in person?

02-16-2005, 12:39 AM
WebGem MVP Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: NYC/Toronto/Mexico Casino cash: $9994900	Who is the most idiotic person you have ever met? Share some stories.
Posts: 7,009

02-16-2005, 09:51 AM	#46
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-762449 VARSITY	There are different types of idiots. (It would be a good project to classify them, now that I think of it.) A couple that spring to mind are: 1. The natural-born idiot. This is someone who was just born stupid and can't help it. When I was about 12, I would buy loose football cards at our local version of Wal-Mart. They were at some sort of counter that wasn't the checkout stand, and the woman who worked there was a natural-born idiot. The cards were two for a penny, and no matter how many I bought, she would ring up some random amount of money for anywhere from one cent to a dollar. There was never a pattern at all, and she'd get really nasty if I tried to explain the math to her. I finally just gave up and assumed that the costs would even out over the long run, so I just paid whatever number she rang up. 2. The socially hilarious idiot. There was this guy in my undergrad school who was often entertaining. He was American, but apparently of Italian background, because he had an Italian name and appearance, which really set him apart in Rolla. He had a thing for the ladies and was always trying to impress them, and he usually did just the opposite. The funniest little incident happened one time in the student lounge. He saw some ladies that he liked over near the pool tables, so he sauntered over, coolly flung his backpack onto the table nearest them, and did a nice little twisting jump to sit on the edge of the table facing them. Unfortunately, he never noticed the two guys three feet away who were in the middle of a game on the table, and they offered up a less-than-friendly reaction as his backpack went scraping through the balls. I also remember his Kung Fu demonstration during our Tae Kwan Do class, which was intended to impress the very worthy Sabrina but which drew guffaws from everyone but an irritated teacher. __________________ Active fan of the greatest team in NFL history. Last edited by Rain Man; 02-16-2005 at 10:30 AM..
Posts: 145,588

02-16-2005, 09:55 AM	#48
milkman Dumbass! Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Leading the Marty bashing Casino cash: $10029395	I was at a fast food joint a couple weeks ago, and of course the idiot behind the counter couldn't figure out how much change to give back on a 5.00 bill for a 4.99 purchase, because she accidentally punched in 500.00. __________________
Posts: 70,769

02-16-2005, 10:12 AM	#50
HemiEd Supporter Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Ozarks Casino cash: $-589436	Denver fans... Attached Thumbnails
Posts: 34,922

02-16-2005, 10:17 AM	#54
Skip Towne Supporter Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: T-Town Casino cash: $10004900	I used to go to this website called Chiefs Planet. Man, that place was full of idiots.
Posts: 69,689

02-16-2005, 10:23 AM	#55
Saulbadguy When a nightmare becomes real Join Date: Nov 2003 Casino cash: $736966	I worked retail for awhile, in a store called "batteries plus". They sell Batteries, believe it or not. Anyways, a guy comes in and buys a car battery. He claims its for a generator. Anyways, he buys it, and then sets it on the counter and starts to screw on this clamp or something. As he is tightening it with his ratchet, he arcs it over. Boom. The lead from the terminals got everywhere. He then asked for a new one, I said no, and he calmly walks out of the store and leaves. __________________ http://www.goemaw.com
Posts: 47,020

02-16-2005, 10:48 AM	#58
NewChief In Search of a Life Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Fayetteville, AR Casino cash: $7090204	Had to be a guy at a remote Arkansas swimming hole. We were all camping there, swimming and drinking, when some locals came down to escape the heat of an Arkansas summer. Being the accomodating folks that we are, we shared some beers and snuff with them. Once beer starts getting shared, Arkansas hillfolks are notorious for overstaying their welcome. These were no exception. Anyway, they proceeded to get pretty well lit and make crude passes at the ladies we had with us, but we were all entertained and still enjoying ourselves...until the snakes showed up. Someone spotted a couple of baby copperheads while they were going to take a leak. One of the hillbillies proceeded to imitate Steve Irwin (minus a few teeth) and tell us how baby copperheads aren't really that venomous. Then he moved from Steve Irwin to Patricia McConnell and declared the baby snakes were his "pets." He got bit probably 20 times as he showed his pets off to the rest of us, encouraging us to hold them too: an offer we politely, but firmly, declined. Eventually this guy put the snakes into a mason jar to take home with him. Shortly after he stopped feeling so well, and we encouraged his buddies to get him to a hospital. That was the last we saw of them until... Same swimming hole, same scene, a summer later. Same hillbillies show up, minus one. We all hated to ask them what had become of the Snake charmer, but we eventually did. Turns out he didn't actually die. His arm just swelled up to the size of a watermelon and he nearly lost some fingers. That's a moron. __________________ In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. - H. L. Mencken
Posts: 21,845