Life March - Page 4

MOhillbilly · 11-23-2010, 04:40 PM

Apache said shed be out by march. I assume this will be after she gets her tax monies back. Just in case im gonna post the notice of eviction jan 1.
Come on spring.

Until that time im gonna continue to square my shit away.

Thanks for the advice & thoughts on the matter Bros, it didnt fall on deaf ears.

I told both kids they didnt have to leave and could stay and that it didnt matter if they left and came back in two years or two weeks theyd always have a home at the farm if they wanted it.

seclark · 11-24-2010, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOhillbilly

acouple things have gone through my mind sec. one being that alot of this ramped up abuse stems from her mom and sister stabbing her in the back and her inability to deal with it.

i'm sure it hurts her, but you know it's a pretty lame excuse for putting her children through a bunch of bullshit.

if she's sick and refuses to try and help herself, it's on her.
you know i'm hoping for the best. i'm going to stfu now.
sec

MOhillbilly · 11-24-2010, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seclark

i'm sure it hurts her, but you know it's a pretty lame excuse for putting her children through a bunch of bullshit.

if she's sick and refuses to try and help herself, it's on her.
you know i'm hoping for the best. i'm going to stfu now.
sec

So is it wrong that a tiny percentage of me still wants to push for her to get help?
Or should i just say **** it and let her flame out for good and all?

seclark · 11-24-2010, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOhillbilly

So is it wrong that a tiny percentage of me still wants to push for her to get help?
Or should i just say **** it and let her flame out for good and all?

imo, i don't think it's wrong at all. the thing is, can you force her to get help? haven't you been trying all along?
sec

Earthling · 11-24-2010, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOhillbilly

I told her a few weeks back she needed to go to rehab. She blew a gasket and said she didnt want it on her 'record' what ever that means.

Actually having that on the record would probably benefit her in the eyes of the court. In any case I wish you and your kids well and hope for the best in that regard. Good luck.

MOhillbilly · 11-24-2010, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seclark

imo, i don't think it's wrong at all. the thing is, can you force her to get help? haven't you been trying all along?
sec

mmmm i cant force any 'adult' to do anything. And yes ive been trying all along. Always some excuse.

I know how it is. Ive walked on people who have flamed out and ended up 6 feet deep. And i always wonder.
Then again in my darkest hour i sacked up and never looked back.

**cdcox** · 11-24-2010, 11:18 AM

I know what you're dealing with, Mo. My daughter got hooked on the same cocktail (psych meds, xanax, pain pills, and occasionally booze). All started from scripts (except for the booze). She spent 7 month$ in rehab from January into August. She's been home since then and it has been great having her back. So much to be thankful for this year.

She has to hit bottom before she'll change. Thing is everyone's bottom is a little different. You found yours, watching your friends die. My daughter found hers when she realized that if she didn't get clean she'd be living on the streets, because I wasn't going to have a user living under my roof. Some people need to go to jail to find their bottom or lose their kids. People who don't find their bottom end up dead, as you know.

If she gets around to wanting to get clean she'll probably need help through a rehab program. Addiction is a disease and most people can't cure themselves.

You are doing the right thing by allowing her to experience the consequences of her decisions. It's the hardest thing in the world to do, but it's the only way they will get the motivation to make a change.

You didn't cause it, you can't fix it, you can't control it. A real bitch.

You have my prayers.

Chiefnj2 · 11-24-2010, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOhillbilly

So is it wrong that a tiny percentage of me still wants to push for her to get help?
Or should i just say **** it and let her flame out for good and all?

Is that really a question? You say you care about the kids. What's better for the kids - having an irresponsible mom who is a drug addict, or a mom that is rehabilitated?

MOhillbilly · 11-24-2010, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chiefnj2

Is that really a question? You say you care about the kids. What's better for the kids - having an irresponsible mom who is a drug addict, or a mom that is rehabilitated?

In the context of the situation is is a real question. Maybe you arent privy to all thats going on. So from your side of the fence it seems pretty black and white.

**cdcox** · 11-24-2010, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOhillbilly

So is it wrong that a tiny percentage of me still wants to push for her to get help?
Or should i just say **** it and let her flame out for good and all?

I'm sure that you've already pushed her to get help. Hasn't worked.

Only thing you can do is let her find her bottom. If you want to help her then (when she's ready) there is nothing wrong with that.

MOhillbilly · 11-24-2010, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cdcox

I'm sure that you've already pushed her to get help. Hasn't worked.

Only thing you can do is let her find her bottom. If you want to help her then (when she's ready) there is nothing wrong with that.

i have, i know. i hate that feeling.

stevieray · 11-24-2010, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOhillbilly

i have, i know. i hate that feeling.

kids are watching you hard. no doubt in my mind you know what's right in your heart.

be strong, and try not to compound on any of the many factors involved.

tough road, bro.

ClevelandBronco · 11-24-2010, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOhillbilly

So is it wrong that a tiny percentage of me still wants to push for her to get help?
Or should i just say **** it and let her flame out for good and all?

Hell, no, Mo. There's everything right about pushing her to get help. Not just for her kids' sake, or yours, but for her own sake. It's the most selfless, kindest decision you could make to try to get her to accept the help she needs.

As you know better than anyone, the woman you're dealing with today isn't Apache. It's tempting to weigh everything that goes along with coping with an addict and decide that she's beyond help, but the woman Apache really is when she's not in the depths of her addiction is a person who is worth saving. Problem is, when she's using, she has no real idea of the cycle that she's in and what it's really doing to the people around her. (And even though at one time she chose to use, if she's really an addict she has actually now lost any of her own ability to choose to stop.)

Her best chance is to get straight in a structured, educational, residential environment long enough to remember with a somewhat clearer mind who she was and what she really wanted before her life was hijacked by her substance of choice. Hopefully she'd recover enough of herself that she could steel herself to do the work she'd need to do to stay straight.

Even with that, relapse is more common than continued abstinence, and in too damned many cases it's just another step along the recovery process. (About 30% make it through rehab and find a way to abstain. Strangely, with a second stay in rehab, the odds actually get worse.)

I feel for you, sir. It's a shitty position you've found yourself in, and all of the answers to all of the questions you have suck in different ways.

**cdcox** · 11-24-2010, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOhillbilly

i have, i know. i hate that feeling.

Yep.

For me it helped once I decided that I would no longer support her in that addiction. It gave me the feeling of hope that I would at least restore sanity to the rest of my life, even if I lost her. Thankfully, I didn't have to see her on the street or dead. But I think I would have survived even that. What I determined that I could not survive was living with an addict for another 10 or 20 years, which I have seen people do. No way I could do that.

ClevelandBronco · 11-24-2010, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cdcox

I'm sure that you've already pushed her to get help. Hasn't worked.

Only thing you can do is let her find her bottom. If you want to help her then (when she's ready) there is nothing wrong with that.

I don't agree that she has to "find" a bottom. The only real bottom that an addict can find on her own is death. Any other bottom is imposed on her by the people around her or very often by the legal system or some other societal construct.

EDIT: But I see by the post above this one that I'm not telling you anything that you don't already know too well. I'd only say that rather than "letting" her find her bottom, it may be an option to "help" her find her bottom. She is helpless on her own at this point.

Otter · 11-24-2010, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOhillbilly

In the context of the situation is is a real question. Maybe you arent privy to all thats going on. So from your side of the fence it seems pretty black and white.

If you've learned anything by now Mo it's that there's too many swinging dicks here who have an opinion on stuff they don't know shit about about.

All I'll say is good luck and you're in danger of ruining your reputation as a bad ass with all this sentimental bullshit. Hell, I'm more likely to cuddle up with ya drinking some cocoa now and talking about my feelings then call ya over when I need help in a whoop down.

Happy turkey day brother, hang in there, sounds like you've chosen the right path.

11-23-2010, 04:40 PM
MOhillbilly Mama Tried Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Missouri Casino cash: $9949903	March Apache said shed be out by march. I assume this will be after she gets her tax monies back. Just in case im gonna post the notice of eviction jan 1. Come on spring. Until that time im gonna continue to square my shit away. Thanks for the advice & thoughts on the matter Bros, it didnt fall on deaf ears. I told both kids they didnt have to leave and could stay and that it didnt matter if they left and came back in two years or two weeks theyd always have a home at the farm if they wanted it.
Posts: 23,371

11-24-2010, 11:18 AM	#51
cdcox www.nfl-forecast.com Join Date: Sep 2000 Casino cash: $1351769	I know what you're dealing with, Mo. My daughter got hooked on the same cocktail (psych meds, xanax, pain pills, and occasionally booze). All started from scripts (except for the booze). She spent 7 month$ in rehab from January into August. She's been home since then and it has been great having her back. So much to be thankful for this year. She has to hit bottom before she'll change. Thing is everyone's bottom is a little different. You found yours, watching your friends die. My daughter found hers when she realized that if she didn't get clean she'd be living on the streets, because I wasn't going to have a user living under my roof. Some people need to go to jail to find their bottom or lose their kids. People who don't find their bottom end up dead, as you know. If she gets around to wanting to get clean she'll probably need help through a rehab program. Addiction is a disease and most people can't cure themselves. You are doing the right thing by allowing her to experience the consequences of her decisions. It's the hardest thing in the world to do, but it's the only way they will get the motivation to make a change. You didn't cause it, you can't fix it, you can't control it. A real bitch. You have my prayers.
Posts: 45,661