Who is the most idiotic person you have ever met? - Page 5

WebGem · 02-16-2005, 12:39 AM

Share some stories.

**Skip Towne** · 02-16-2005, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dartgod

So what is Skip like in person?

Couldn't have been me. I'm an Okie.

Radar Chief · 02-16-2005, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NewChief

Had to be a guy at a remote Arkansas swimming hole.

We were all camping there, swimming and drinking, when some locals came down to escape the heat of an Arkansas summer. Being the accomodating folks that we are, we shared some beers and snuff with them. Once beer starts getting shared, Arkansas hillfolks are notorious for overstaying their welcome. These were no exception.

Anyway, they proceeded to get pretty well lit and make crude passes at the ladies we had with us, but we were all entertained and still enjoying ourselves...until the snakes showed up.

Someone spotted a couple of baby copperheads while they were going to take a leak. One of the hillbillies proceeded to imitate Steve Irwin (minus a few teeth) and tell us how baby copperheads aren't really that venomous. Then he moved from Steve Irwin to Patricia McConnell and declared the baby snakes were his "pets." He got bit probably 20 times as he showed his pets off to the rest of us, encouraging us to hold them too: an offer we politely, but firmly, declined.

Eventually this guy put the snakes into a mason jar to take home with him. Shortly after he stopped feeling so well, and we encouraged his buddies to get him to a hospital. That was the last we saw of them until...

Same swimming hole, same scene, a summer later. Same hillbillies show up, minus one. We all hated to ask them what had become of the Snake charmer, but we eventually did. Turns out he didn't actually die. His arm just swelled up to the size of a watermelon and he nearly lost some fingers.

That's a moron.

I’ve got a friend that used to catch wild skunks and keep’em as pets.
When he’d see a wild skunk he’d take a run at it and would grab’em by the tail. Supposedly if you hold them up by the tail they can’t flex the muscles necessary to spray.
He took great joy in freak’n people out with this stunt and when I shot him a stupid look for it he said, “but I’ve only been sprayed twice” and my reply was, “that’s twice too many”.

shaneo69 · 02-16-2005, 11:40 AM

Sorry, this is long....

One of my college roommates (Jeff) was the biggest idiot I've ever known. There were three of us in the townhouse, which had one master bedroom, two smaller bedrooms, and two parking spots. We all agreed on a move-in date, but when me and the other roommate (Mike) get to the apartment, we find that Jeff had arrived the day before to claim the master bedroom and move all his stuff in there. Okay, no problem.

When the semester started, we noticed that he would always end up with one of the parking spots for his manly VW GTI which had "THUMPR" on the license plates. So either me or Mike were always forced to park on the street when we got home from our restaurant jobs (Jeff didn't have to work because his parents paid all his bills). When we didn't have to work, he would actually leave his afternoon class at the break in the middle of class so he could get one of the parking spots.

We were all 21 at this point, but Jeff had a 16 year old girlfriend back home in HS that he would call every night. He'd say he was going up to his room to study or do homework, but when we'd pick up the phone downstairs to make a call, he'd be on the other line and yell, "I'm on the phone!!" We'd get our phone bill, and it would be like $350 per month (this is before cell phones). Then he'd try and deny some of phone numbers listed on the bill were his calls, so we'd actually have to call the numbers to find out who they were, and of course, they were always his and he'd play dumb.

We usually had MTV on in the living room, and if Marky Mark's "Sweet Sensation" or one of Mariah Carey's songs with the kids in the video would come on, he'd come running downstairs and start dancing in front of the TV, actually trying to perfect the dance steps from the videos.

If we were at a bar and were trying to pay the bill at the end of the night, we'd ask how many beers we each had, and Jeff would look up at the ceiling like he was trying to remember, and he'd start counting on his fingers, getting up to about 6 fingers, and then say, "I had 3 beers."

One time he got drunk and puked at the apartment, so we made him clean it up, which he did. About three days later, he starts telling me that one of our bathrooms stinks because I haven't washed my towels. I'm like, no I just washed them. So another day goes by and the stench gets worse, so me and my other roommate Mike look behind the door in the bathroom, and we find his towel that he used to clean up his puke, but that he never washed.

This was all in one semester, from January to May of 1991. Me and Mike moved out for the summer semester and I haven't seen idiot Jeff since then. But Mike got him back just before we moved out. For the Kentucky Derby, Mike was going with some relatives to an off-track betting parlor. Jeff gave him $50 to bet on a horse that he liked. Me and Jeff watch the derby, his horse wins, and he calls his dad and girlfriend, all excited because he just won about $500. Mike comes home that night, gives Jeff his $50 back, and says, sorry, man, I didn't get your bet in. It was hilarious, Jeff starts threatening to get a lawyer, and Mike was able to keep a straight face through the whole conflict that ensued.

Good times...

badgirl · 02-16-2005, 11:49 AM

I know so many its hard to pick one.

Amnorix · 02-16-2005, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shaneo69

Sorry, this is long....

Sounds more like an A-hole than an idiot...

badgirl · 02-16-2005, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amnorix

Sounds more like an A-hole than an idiot...

A-Holes yea I know some of them too.

unfortunately

**CosmicPal** · 02-16-2005, 12:02 PM

A buddy of mine- he's not an idiot, but like most people- he becomes one when he's drunk.

Fourth of July, we're both 17 and heading for a party. I'm driving, and I've got my car loaded with fireworks. My buddy is pulling from a bottle of grain alcohol and burning a joint. We're on Metcalf in the middle of the day. Anyways, I've got the air going and our windows are cracked a little bit to let the smoke escape.

Well, Bobby gets the bright idea of shooting off fireworks out the window. I told him it wasn't such a good idea, but the more grain alcohol he drank the more he persisted. By the time the bottle was done and we were only a few blocks from the party, I told him he could fire off one, but to MAKE SURE YOUR WINDOW IS ALL THE WAY DOWN.

Before I knew it, he had grabbed a full brick of firecrackers, spent several minutes drunkenly unraveling the paper and then lit the damn thing- all before rolling down the window! Before I could blink, my car is suddenly engulfed in smoke and thousands of sparks- the noise was absolutely thunderous! I slammed on my brakes in the middle of Metcalf and we both ditched the car while the brick of firecrackers continued to exploded in a frenzy. Smoke was billowing out of my car as though it had been set on fire. Bobby is rolling around on Metcalf laughing hysterically. After a few minutes, the last of the firecrackers blew, and we hopped into the car and proceeded to the party while the rest of Metcalf all stood around stunned.

WilliamTheIrish · 02-16-2005, 12:05 PM

I work in hospital... you want to hear the stories of what people try on themselves, or what they try on others?

OK I'll start with this one. 4th of July 01. Man in central Topeka decides he's going to scare the shiot outta his buddies by igniting a bird bomb in which he has crudely attatched a fuse.

While lighting said fuse he fails to take into account that he has a similair crude bomb in his other hand. He lights fuse to bird bomb which he has placed on the ground. As he prepares to "Get Away", a spark jumps over from the fuse to the bomb in his other hand.
Blammo!!! Right hand disintegrates. Gone.

He walked (quickly) 4 city blocks with his -stump- wrapped in his T-shirt to the hospital before passing out in the triage area.

I'll never forget the words of the ER triage nurse:

"We'll need images of that hand."

"What hand?"

**BigMeatballDave** · 02-16-2005, 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taco John

I knew a guy who liked to karate kick light switches on and off...

A guy I used to work with used to do that when he put casting in his lathe...

go bo · 02-16-2005, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KCWolfman

My ex-wife, seriously.

I was young and liked having a good looking woman from a really wealthy family. I overlooked her lack of ability to hold a coherent conversation and thought I would get used to it. Hell, I thought if I got in the family business I could bear anything.

I was dead wrong.

She thought her car wouldn't start because the key was too cold.

She thought plaster of Paris had to come from France or it didn't work.

She would tip 50% at every restaurant because she couldn't figure 20%, and still needed to write out the equation on paper before giving up the money.

She wouldn't eat cheese or drink milk because she was afraid bacteria would cause a growth in her stomach. She also refused watermelon because the seeds may accidently be ingested and she would have to have the plant remove surgically.

I could go on and on. She was truly the most stupid person I had ever met in my life. Ignorant is okay, ignorant people can learn - she was just stupid.

now that you're done with her, is she available?

go bo · 02-16-2005, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KCWolfman

The money is gone and we are both left with the same thing - a bad life experience.

what, did she keep buying new cars to get a warm key or something?

KCTitus · 02-16-2005, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dartgod

Used to be. I got out a few years ago and went to college and got an IT job. Opened my eyes to a whole new world of idiots.

It's simply stunning isnt it?

chiefs4me · 02-16-2005, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ENDelt260

I know a guy who rear-ended a city bus because he was trying to flip off a Bronco fan in the next lane.

You should call that man a hero....

02-16-2005, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ENDelt260

I know a guy who rear-ended a city bus because he was trying to flip off a Bronco fan in the next lane.

Which idiot was that? I know he's from down your way, but I forgot his handle. Have you really met him?

**HemiEd** · 02-16-2005, 01:03 PM

I just recalled one after giving this some legitimate thought. I inherited a Part Store customer that was going broke. He was low on inventory, on COD with his suppliers and was close to going out of business. Upon a little investigation I found two reasons.
1) He had given a key to his store to many of the people in his little town so they could help themselves in an emergency, honor system.
2) Very math illiterate, he thought that if he marked up a starter thirty cents, he was marking it up 30%,
It was too late to save his business, too deep of a hole.

02-16-2005, 12:39 AM
WebGem MVP Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: NYC/Toronto/Mexico Casino cash: $9994900	Who is the most idiotic person you have ever met? Share some stories.
Posts: 7,009

02-16-2005, 11:40 AM	#63
shaneo69 Smug Weasel Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Bleachers at Busch Casino cash: $10004900	Sorry, this is long.... One of my college roommates (Jeff) was the biggest idiot I've ever known. There were three of us in the townhouse, which had one master bedroom, two smaller bedrooms, and two parking spots. We all agreed on a move-in date, but when me and the other roommate (Mike) get to the apartment, we find that Jeff had arrived the day before to claim the master bedroom and move all his stuff in there. Okay, no problem. When the semester started, we noticed that he would always end up with one of the parking spots for his manly VW GTI which had "THUMPR" on the license plates. So either me or Mike were always forced to park on the street when we got home from our restaurant jobs (Jeff didn't have to work because his parents paid all his bills). When we didn't have to work, he would actually leave his afternoon class at the break in the middle of class so he could get one of the parking spots. We were all 21 at this point, but Jeff had a 16 year old girlfriend back home in HS that he would call every night. He'd say he was going up to his room to study or do homework, but when we'd pick up the phone downstairs to make a call, he'd be on the other line and yell, "I'm on the phone!!" We'd get our phone bill, and it would be like $350 per month (this is before cell phones). Then he'd try and deny some of phone numbers listed on the bill were his calls, so we'd actually have to call the numbers to find out who they were, and of course, they were always his and he'd play dumb. We usually had MTV on in the living room, and if Marky Mark's "Sweet Sensation" or one of Mariah Carey's songs with the kids in the video would come on, he'd come running downstairs and start dancing in front of the TV, actually trying to perfect the dance steps from the videos. If we were at a bar and were trying to pay the bill at the end of the night, we'd ask how many beers we each had, and Jeff would look up at the ceiling like he was trying to remember, and he'd start counting on his fingers, getting up to about 6 fingers, and then say, "I had 3 beers." One time he got drunk and puked at the apartment, so we made him clean it up, which he did. About three days later, he starts telling me that one of our bathrooms stinks because I haven't washed my towels. I'm like, no I just washed them. So another day goes by and the stench gets worse, so me and my other roommate Mike look behind the door in the bathroom, and we find his towel that he used to clean up his puke, but that he never washed. This was all in one semester, from January to May of 1991. Me and Mike moved out for the summer semester and I haven't seen idiot Jeff since then. But Mike got him back just before we moved out. For the Kentucky Derby, Mike was going with some relatives to an off-track betting parlor. Jeff gave him $50 to bet on a horse that he liked. Me and Jeff watch the derby, his horse wins, and he calls his dad and girlfriend, all excited because he just won about $500. Mike comes home that night, gives Jeff his $50 back, and says, sorry, man, I didn't get your bet in. It was hilarious, Jeff starts threatening to get a lawyer, and Mike was able to keep a straight face through the whole conflict that ensued. Good times...
Posts: 4,910

02-16-2005, 11:49 AM	#64
badgirl CLICK, CLICK..BOOM!!!! Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Johnson City, Tennessee Casino cash: $10004900	I know so many its hard to pick one.
Posts: 7,696

02-16-2005, 12:02 PM	#67
CosmicPal Learn it. Know it. Live it. Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: St. Petersburg, FL Casino cash: $10004900	A buddy of mine- he's not an idiot, but like most people- he becomes one when he's drunk. Fourth of July, we're both 17 and heading for a party. I'm driving, and I've got my car loaded with fireworks. My buddy is pulling from a bottle of grain alcohol and burning a joint. We're on Metcalf in the middle of the day. Anyways, I've got the air going and our windows are cracked a little bit to let the smoke escape. Well, Bobby gets the bright idea of shooting off fireworks out the window. I told him it wasn't such a good idea, but the more grain alcohol he drank the more he persisted. By the time the bottle was done and we were only a few blocks from the party, I told him he could fire off one, but to MAKE SURE YOUR WINDOW IS ALL THE WAY DOWN. Before I knew it, he had grabbed a full brick of firecrackers, spent several minutes drunkenly unraveling the paper and then lit the damn thing- all before rolling down the window! Before I could blink, my car is suddenly engulfed in smoke and thousands of sparks- the noise was absolutely thunderous! I slammed on my brakes in the middle of Metcalf and we both ditched the car while the brick of firecrackers continued to exploded in a frenzy. Smoke was billowing out of my car as though it had been set on fire. Bobby is rolling around on Metcalf laughing hysterically. After a few minutes, the last of the firecrackers blew, and we hopped into the car and proceeded to the party while the rest of Metcalf all stood around stunned. __________________ - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - Four blessings upon my fellow planeteers: Older whiskey, younger women, faster horses, and more money.
Posts: 10,840

02-16-2005, 12:05 PM	#68
WilliamTheIrish Champion Golfer Of The Year Join Date: Aug 2001 Casino cash: $2540607	I work in hospital... you want to hear the stories of what people try on themselves, or what they try on others? OK I'll start with this one. 4th of July 01. Man in central Topeka decides he's going to scare the shiot outta his buddies by igniting a bird bomb in which he has crudely attatched a fuse. While lighting said fuse he fails to take into account that he has a similair crude bomb in his other hand. He lights fuse to bird bomb which he has placed on the ground. As he prepares to "Get Away", a spark jumps over from the fuse to the bomb in his other hand. Blammo!!! Right hand disintegrates. Gone. He walked (quickly) 4 city blocks with his -stump- wrapped in his T-shirt to the hospital before passing out in the triage area. I'll never forget the words of the ER triage nurse: "We'll need images of that hand." "What hand?"
Posts: 35,757

02-16-2005, 01:03 PM	#75
HemiEd Supporter Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Ozarks Casino cash: $-589436	I just recalled one after giving this some legitimate thought. I inherited a Part Store customer that was going broke. He was low on inventory, on COD with his suppliers and was close to going out of business. Upon a little investigation I found two reasons. 1) He had given a key to his store to many of the people in his little town so they could help themselves in an emergency, honor system. 2) Very math illiterate, he thought that if he marked up a starter thirty cents, he was marking it up 30%, It was too late to save his business, too deep of a hole.
Posts: 34,922