Job interview - make your destiny here. - Page 6

**Rain Man** · 11-27-2006, 06:17 PM

I'm thinking about hiring someone, and my lawyer tells me that I need to open up my search beyond merely competent, trained people. So if you'd like to be considered for an exciting career in market research, please answer the following questions in this initial interview. If you answer the questions properly, I'll give you a job.

On your mark, get set, go.

Situational Questions

1. You are at a party, and you meet a brand manager at Burger King. She mentions that she thinks the whole psychotic king ad theme is getting old, but she’s not sure. What do you say or do?
2. You are in a meeting with the president of the firm, two other senior managers, three other analysts, two interns, and a client who’s picky about their report. Suddenly, a Nazi soldier throws one of those potato masher hand grenades into the room. What do you say or do?
3. You are on a cruise ship with your boss when it hits an old Nazi sea mine and sinks. There are only two life preservers left, and you, your boss, and your boss’s prized rare medieval anvil are alone on the deck. What do you say or do?
4. You and your boss are on your way to an interview. You arrive early and visit the restroom, and while inside you see a pair of feet under a stall and a competitor’s proposal sitting on the counter with another document titled, “Our Top-Secret Plan to Beat [your company]”. What do you say or do?
5. You are on a business trip with your boss. At dinner, your boss stands up and accidentally hits a tray being carried by a waiter. The tray tips and the waiter falls. As he goes down, he clutches frantically and accidentally grabs the strapless evening gown of a beautiful woman at the next table, pulling it off of her. Screaming, she jumps up and tries to cover herself with the tablecloth, pulling all of the food off the table. One of the candles ignites the Baked Alaska, and the carpet catches on fire. Everybody runs, and within minutes the entire restaurant goes up in flames. You and your boss are separated amidst the chaos, and you have to hitchhike home because he had the airline tickets. Once you arrive back at the office, what do you say or do?
6. Your boss mentions that he’s going to have to move his anvil collection this weekend, and asks for volunteers to help. What do you say or do?

Personality Questions

7. If you were a planet, dwarf planet, moon, or asteroid, which one would you be, and why?
8. Excluding all Americans and English, which major or minor leader or general during World War II do you most resemble in personality, and why?
9. If you could change one thing about your current grocery store, what would it be and why?
10. Tarzan lived during the 1930s, as played by Johnny Weismuller. He’s got to be dead by now. How do you think he died?
11. A priest, a hooker, and Paris Hilton walk into a bar. What happens next?
12. I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What number do you think it is?

**Rain Man** · 11-28-2006, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iowanian

Good stuff.

Interestingly enough, Brideowanian handed me 2 large boxes last night, wanting me to sort through them......I made it through one, of which part was my post-college employment seach file......I read a good 8-10 letters that basically are a carbon copy of post 72.

the lower half of the box yet to be searched, appears to be piles of letters from previous applicants for brideowanian's current position.
I'd enjoy reading their rejection notifications more.

I found my initial job offer letter out of college a few years back, and in the same box I found the letter from the same company laying me off. I briefly considered framing them together as a reminder of humility.

When I got out of grad school, I didn't even rate rejection letters. I think I applied for about 20 jobs before I found one, and I don't think I ever even got a rejection letter. I think that's worse.

And I'm guessing that the lower half of the box won't survive to be refiled, eh?

**DaFace** · 11-28-2006, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Based on initial scoring, it appears that DaFace is the right candidate for the job. DaFace, please report here at the beginning of the year if the conditions of the offer delivered to you are satisfactory. We look forward to your decision.

Woo hoo! Who says that an addiction to an online message board is a waste of time?

So if I accept your offer, when do I start?

**Rain Man** · 11-28-2006, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaFace

Woo hoo! Who says that an addiction to an online message board is a waste of time?

So if I accept your offer, when do I start?

How about January 2nd? That way I don't have to pay you for Christmas. Er, I mean, that should give you time to relocate. Welcome to Denver!

StcChief · 11-28-2006, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaFace

Woo hoo! Who says that an addiction to an online message board is a waste of time?

So if I accept your offer, when do I start?

I'm not sure working for 'Judge' Rainman is good thing.

**Rain Man** · 11-28-2006, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StcChief

I'm not sure working for 'Judge' Rainman is good thing.

(Banging gavel angrily)

Remove that man from my courtroom!

Hey, where's the bailiff?

4th and Long · 11-28-2006, 11:51 AM

Quote:

1. You are at a party, and you meet a brand manager at Burger King. She mentions that she thinks the whole psychotic king ad theme is getting old, but she’s not sure. What do you say or do?

"McDonalds is hiring quality minded people."

Quote:

2. You are in a meeting with the president of the firm, two other senior managers, three other analysts, two interns, and a client who’s picky about their report. Suddenly, a Nazi soldier throws one of those potato masher hand grenades into the room. What do you say or do?

Hide behind one of the suits. They are a dime a dozen anyway.

Quote:

3. You are on a cruise ship with your boss when it hits an old Nazi sea mine and sinks. There are only two life preservers left, and you, your boss, and your boss’s prized rare medieval anvil are alone on the deck. What do you say or do?

Look at my boss and say, "Here. Hold this."

Quote:

4. You and your boss are on your way to an interview. You arrive early and visit the restroom, and while inside you see a pair of feet under a stall and a competitor’s proposal sitting on the counter with another document titled, “Our Top-Secret Plan to Beat [your company]”. What do you say or do?

Nothing, until the meeting. Then point out how careless the competition is with classified information.

Quote:

5. You are on a business trip with your boss. At dinner, your boss stands up and accidentally hits a tray being carried by a waiter. The tray tips and the waiter falls. As he goes down, he clutches frantically and accidentally grabs the strapless evening gown of a beautiful woman at the next table, pulling it off of her. Screaming, she jumps up and tries to cover herself with the tablecloth, pulling all of the food off the table. One of the candles ignites the Baked Alaska, and the carpet catches on fire. Everybody runs, and within minutes the entire restaurant goes up in flames. You and your boss are separated amidst the chaos, and you have to hitchhike home because he had the airline tickets. Once you arrive back at the office, what do you say or do?

Take his car keys and then set his office ablaze. Drive away in his car, laughing manically.

Quote:

6. Your boss mentions that he’s going to have to move his anvil collection this weekend, and asks for volunteers to help. What do you say or do?

"What!!!? You're still alive!!!? CURSE YOU, RED BARON!!!"

Quote:

7. If you were a planet, dwarf planet, moon, or asteroid, which one would you be, and why?

Asteroids get to see the universe. I'm an as ... teroid.

Quote:

8. Excluding all Americans and English, which major or minor leader or general during World War II do you most resemble in personality, and why?

Quote:

9. If you could change one thing about your current grocery store, what would it be and why?

Hours of operation. If I need to explain that to you, you are obviously not smart enough to be my boss.

Quote:

10. Tarzan lived during the 1930s, as played by Johnny Weismuller. He’s got to be dead by now. How do you think he died?

Saving Cheetah from a snake.

Quote:

11. A priest, a hooker, and Paris Hilton walk into a bar. What happens next?

I would image the next thing would be, the priest propositions the hooker and the paparazzi are all over Hilton. Wait, ... is Hilton the hooker? I'm confused ...

Quote:

12. I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What number do you think it is?

54.945682179

**DaFace** · 11-28-2006, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

How about January 2nd? That way I don't have to pay you for Christmas. Er, I mean, that should give you time to relocate. Welcome to Denver!

Sounds good aside from that whole "Denver" part. It'll take me a while to get used to the stench of Bronco fans. Unfortunately, now I have to pack.

Anybody want to help me move? [/luv]

**Iowanian** · 11-28-2006, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

And I'm guessing that the lower half of the box won't survive to be refiled, eh?

I briefly pondered that last night, when I opened the first one and saw what it was, whom it was from, and her suggestions for her performance review on my birthday.

Its probably best for all parties involved, if that material finds itself in the incinerator.

StcChief · 11-28-2006, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

(Banging gavel angrily)

Remove that man from my courtroom!

Hey, where's the bailiff?

Kangeroo Court balif.....He is Whackin his OWN PEE-PEE

Luzap · 11-28-2006, 12:02 PM

The answer to all of your questions is:

42

Luz
...

4th and Long · 11-28-2006, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

The interview phase is now closed.

YOU SUCK!

*pelts his office with rotten produce and walks over to the competition's HR office*

**Rain Man** · 11-28-2006, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4th and Long

YOU SUCK!

*pelts his office with rotten produce and walks over to the competition's HR office*

Dear Mr. 4th and Lung,

Thank you for your interest in our position. We were impressed with your qualifications, but after careful consideration, another candidate more closely met our needs at this time. We will maintain your interview results in our system for 12 months, and will consider you for other positions as appropriate.

Sincerely,

Human Resources

4th and Long · 11-28-2006, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Dear Mr. 4th and Lung,

Thank you for your interest in our position. We were impressed with your qualifications, but after careful consideration, another candidate more closely met our needs at this time. We will maintain your interview results in our system for 12 months, and will consider you for other positions as appropriate.

Sincerely,

Human Resources

Great. A form letter. Long! It's spelled L-O-N-G! YOU STILL SUCK!

**DaFace** · 11-30-2006, 06:23 PM

Well, I now have an apartment in Englewood, CO, so now I don't have to be homeless and practice my chicken soup throwing skills.

Anybody ever deal with renting U-Haul or Penske trucks? I checked into U-Haul, and their website quoted me around $900 for a trip from Emporia to Denver, while Penske was only $350 or so. Am I missing something?

**gblowfish** · 11-30-2006, 06:34 PM

Situational Questions

1. You are at a party, and you meet a brand manager at Burger King. She mentions that she thinks the whole psychotic king ad theme is getting old, but she’s not sure. What do you say or do?
Find a big plastic head and start stalking her.

2. You are in a meeting with the president of the firm, two other senior managers, three other analysts, two interns, and a client who’s picky about their report. Suddenly, a Nazi soldier throws one of those potato masher hand grenades into the room. What do you say or do?
Throw an intern over the grenade. Then take a shower.

3. You are on a cruise ship with your boss when it hits an old Nazi sea mine and sinks. There are only two life preservers left, and you, your boss, and your boss’s prized rare medieval anvil are alone on the deck. What do you say or do?
Take both preservers, because I'm a fat guy.

4. You and your boss are on your way to an interview. You arrive early and visit the restroom, and while inside you see a pair of feet under a stall and a competitor’s proposal sitting on the counter with another document titled, “Our Top-Secret Plan to Beat [your company]”. What do you say or do?
Calmly pick it up, go to the next stall over, have my morning constitutional, wipe with it, return it to counter.

5. You are on a business trip with your boss. At dinner, your boss stands up and accidentally hits a tray being carried by a waiter. The tray tips and the waiter falls. As he goes down, he clutches frantically and accidentally grabs the strapless evening gown of a beautiful woman at the next table, pulling it off of her. Screaming, she jumps up and tries to cover herself with the tablecloth, pulling all of the food off the table. One of the candles ignites the Baked Alaska, and the carpet catches on fire. Everybody runs, and within minutes the entire restaurant goes up in flames. You and your boss are separated amidst the chaos, and you have to hitchhike home because he had the airline tickets. Once you arrive back at the office, what do you say or do?
Throw a Nazi potato masher hand grenade into his office, along with an expense report.

6. Your boss mentions that he’s going to have to move his anvil collection this weekend, and asks for volunteers to help. What do you say or do?
Show him how low my nut sack hangs because I can't afford a hernia operation on the crappy HMO plan he's got us working under.

Personality Questions

7. If you were a planet, dwarf planet, moon, or asteroid, which one would you be, and why?
The easy answer would be to say I'll be anything but Uranus...

8. Excluding all Americans and English, which major or minor leader or general during World War II do you most resemble in personality, and why?
Sergeant Schultz. Because I see nothing....NOTHING!!

9. If you could change one thing about your current grocery store, what would it be and why?
I'd figure out why the frozen foods section always smells like stale ass...

10. Tarzan lived during the 1930s, as played by Johnny Weismuller. He’s got to be dead by now. How do you think he died?
Typecasting killed him.

11. A priest, a hooker, and Paris Hilton walk into a bar. What happens next?
All three disperse, because you're not supposed to be in the fellow company of other sex offenders.

12. I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What number do you think it is? The empty set.

How'd I do? Do I get my own parking spot? I'll be late on Monday...

11-27-2006, 06:17 PM
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-722449 VARSITY	Job interview - make your destiny here. I'm thinking about hiring someone, and my lawyer tells me that I need to open up my search beyond merely competent, trained people. So if you'd like to be considered for an exciting career in market research, please answer the following questions in this initial interview. If you answer the questions properly, I'll give you a job. On your mark, get set, go. Situational Questions 1. You are at a party, and you meet a brand manager at Burger King. She mentions that she thinks the whole psychotic king ad theme is getting old, but she’s not sure. What do you say or do? 2. You are in a meeting with the president of the firm, two other senior managers, three other analysts, two interns, and a client who’s picky about their report. Suddenly, a Nazi soldier throws one of those potato masher hand grenades into the room. What do you say or do? 3. You are on a cruise ship with your boss when it hits an old Nazi sea mine and sinks. There are only two life preservers left, and you, your boss, and your boss’s prized rare medieval anvil are alone on the deck. What do you say or do? 4. You and your boss are on your way to an interview. You arrive early and visit the restroom, and while inside you see a pair of feet under a stall and a competitor’s proposal sitting on the counter with another document titled, “Our Top-Secret Plan to Beat [your company]”. What do you say or do? 5. You are on a business trip with your boss. At dinner, your boss stands up and accidentally hits a tray being carried by a waiter. The tray tips and the waiter falls. As he goes down, he clutches frantically and accidentally grabs the strapless evening gown of a beautiful woman at the next table, pulling it off of her. Screaming, she jumps up and tries to cover herself with the tablecloth, pulling all of the food off the table. One of the candles ignites the Baked Alaska, and the carpet catches on fire. Everybody runs, and within minutes the entire restaurant goes up in flames. You and your boss are separated amidst the chaos, and you have to hitchhike home because he had the airline tickets. Once you arrive back at the office, what do you say or do? 6. Your boss mentions that he’s going to have to move his anvil collection this weekend, and asks for volunteers to help. What do you say or do? Personality Questions 7. If you were a planet, dwarf planet, moon, or asteroid, which one would you be, and why? 8. Excluding all Americans and English, which major or minor leader or general during World War II do you most resemble in personality, and why? 9. If you could change one thing about your current grocery store, what would it be and why? 10. Tarzan lived during the 1930s, as played by Johnny Weismuller. He’s got to be dead by now. How do you think he died? 11. A priest, a hooker, and Paris Hilton walk into a bar. What happens next? 12. I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What number do you think it is?
Posts: 145,549

11-28-2006, 12:02 PM	#85
Luzap 9.89 Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Dallas, TX Casino cash: $10004900	The answer to all of your questions is: 42 Luz ...
Posts: 3,327

11-30-2006, 06:23 PM	#89
DaFace Kind of a mod Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Donkey Land Casino cash: $-1923101	Well, I now have an apartment in Englewood, CO, so now I don't have to be homeless and practice my chicken soup throwing skills. Anybody ever deal with renting U-Haul or Penske trucks? I checked into U-Haul, and their website quoted me around $900 for a trip from Emporia to Denver, while Penske was only $350 or so. Am I missing something?
Posts: 53,154

11-30-2006, 06:34 PM	#90
gblowfish Be Kind To Your Pets Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Glorious Independence, MO Casino cash: $16856178 VARSITY	Situational Questions 1. You are at a party, and you meet a brand manager at Burger King. She mentions that she thinks the whole psychotic king ad theme is getting old, but she’s not sure. What do you say or do? Find a big plastic head and start stalking her. 2. You are in a meeting with the president of the firm, two other senior managers, three other analysts, two interns, and a client who’s picky about their report. Suddenly, a Nazi soldier throws one of those potato masher hand grenades into the room. What do you say or do? Throw an intern over the grenade. Then take a shower. 3. You are on a cruise ship with your boss when it hits an old Nazi sea mine and sinks. There are only two life preservers left, and you, your boss, and your boss’s prized rare medieval anvil are alone on the deck. What do you say or do? Take both preservers, because I'm a fat guy. 4. You and your boss are on your way to an interview. You arrive early and visit the restroom, and while inside you see a pair of feet under a stall and a competitor’s proposal sitting on the counter with another document titled, “Our Top-Secret Plan to Beat [your company]”. What do you say or do? Calmly pick it up, go to the next stall over, have my morning constitutional, wipe with it, return it to counter. 5. You are on a business trip with your boss. At dinner, your boss stands up and accidentally hits a tray being carried by a waiter. The tray tips and the waiter falls. As he goes down, he clutches frantically and accidentally grabs the strapless evening gown of a beautiful woman at the next table, pulling it off of her. Screaming, she jumps up and tries to cover herself with the tablecloth, pulling all of the food off the table. One of the candles ignites the Baked Alaska, and the carpet catches on fire. Everybody runs, and within minutes the entire restaurant goes up in flames. You and your boss are separated amidst the chaos, and you have to hitchhike home because he had the airline tickets. Once you arrive back at the office, what do you say or do? Throw a Nazi potato masher hand grenade into his office, along with an expense report. 6. Your boss mentions that he’s going to have to move his anvil collection this weekend, and asks for volunteers to help. What do you say or do? Show him how low my nut sack hangs because I can't afford a hernia operation on the crappy HMO plan he's got us working under. Personality Questions 7. If you were a planet, dwarf planet, moon, or asteroid, which one would you be, and why? The easy answer would be to say I'll be anything but Uranus... 8. Excluding all Americans and English, which major or minor leader or general during World War II do you most resemble in personality, and why? Sergeant Schultz. Because I see nothing....NOTHING!! 9. If you could change one thing about your current grocery store, what would it be and why? I'd figure out why the frozen foods section always smells like stale ass... 10. Tarzan lived during the 1930s, as played by Johnny Weismuller. He’s got to be dead by now. How do you think he died? Typecasting killed him. 11. A priest, a hooker, and Paris Hilton walk into a bar. What happens next? All three disperse, because you're not supposed to be in the fellow company of other sex offenders. 12. I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What number do you think it is? The empty set. How'd I do? Do I get my own parking spot? I'll be late on Monday...
Posts: 41,023