Widower's Club

[Jenson71]

Very sorry for your loss, M. Janx. I have no comforting words and no way to empathize. But I will take your advice.

[Dante84]

Mods, can we punt this dude into the sun? Come on.

[AdolfOliverBush]

Man, that ****ing sucks. I've had to watch a parent wither away, but that doesn't compare to losing a spouse, especially one who is young enough that she has no business being gone. Take care of yourself, find people to talk to, and don't get addicted to anything.

[KCUnited]

****ing hell Janx, I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through.

Sounds like you got some quality people around to help navigate you through. Hang in there, man.

[ChiefBlueCFC]

Janx, looks like I'm a little late but want to send my thoughts to you and will use that love and energy to hug and hold my SO and our dogs. Hope you are doing well and the people that came to celebrate her life helped you out.

Please feel free to reach out if you ever need anything

[ROYC75]

Dang it Janx, I feel your pain, I've been there everyday since April 2018. I found myself to just keep going on, it's what she told me to do.

Fortunately just a mere 1.5 months went by when I found myself hanging on for life from the knee infection I picked up. That took me 3.5 years to get through that occupied my time even more to live and to live without her.

Losing your spouse who is/was your Rock of Gibraltar is tough to handle. Many times you hear how a woman can't go on without her man, who always supported her, took care of her financially doing all things for her. Well folks, that works the opposite direction as well, it takes a good woman to make the man he is!

Mark 10 v 8 speaks of both fleshes becoming one. That verse is true, you do think like one, act as one, do everything as one. When one has deceased, you do feel lost.

All I can tell ya is, continue living as 1 because time does heal. When you recall all of your dreams the 2 of you had, fulfil them if some are not completed. It has worked for me, I can't say it will for you but it will give you a goal of completing things you both set out to do. Cause deep down inside of me I know she is still a part of me and always will be.

Best of luck to you man and if you ever want to talk, hit me up!

[Rain Man]

It seems like the two of you had built a great life together. In the big picture nothing lasts forever, so the time that a good thing exists is to be cherished.

[R8RFAN]

Sorry Janx, May God help you through this time.

[burt]

Thought and good vibes sent. Hugs will be doled out accordingly. I can't fathom your pain, but I am a PM away.

[Mephistopheles Janx]

I won't be continually bumping this thread... just wanted to share one last thing. Her students all sent me cards and this one in particular made me belly laugh for the first time since she died.

Dude nailed it on page 2.





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"She left one day. Where did she go you ask? I don't know where she went, or why or how. But she was here, and it was wonderful."

[Easy 6]

Not sure how I missed this, but now its clear... I get it now bro

Such a crushing blow, but you're a man among men for still hanging in there

You will see her again, just keep the faith

[GloryDayz]

Sorry for your loss Janx.

[jerryaldini]

Very, very sorry. She invested her love in so many lives. That love endures, and will continue to manifest in countless ways. The quote Duncan posted is truth.

I don't know if it would help you, but there's a three season show on Netflix called After Life. It's centered on the grieving process of a man, non religious like yourself, in the first years after his loss.

Your post inspired me, and I won't forget it. Thank you.

[crazycoffey]

I’ve felt like I’ve lost so many too soon, but I’ve never lost a spouse….. I can’t imagine your pain. If you need to talk any time….. brother, I will. I send you my phone number if you don’t have it…..

[Mephistopheles Janx]

I don't want to put this on the social media my family and friends are on because it would likely scare them but I need to scream into the ether and I don't want to put it on paper lest something happen and they find it and think I actually did it.

Its been over a month now. I hate existing. I constantly think about ending it. The perpetual exhaustion both emotionally and physically is unreal. I get hungry but everything tastes like cardboard when I do eat. There is no joy in anything I do... not even a slight rush of endorphins/seratonin from a 5 knuckle shuffle. (TMI probably but meh). Everything feels like I'm in a cartoon. Nothing is real, nothing matters.

The only thing keeping me from doing the deed is the fact that I have two puppies that need me here and a promise I made my brother two decades ago. Man though... that is BARELY enough to keep me here.

I wish I could push a button and fast forward through the rest of this existence. Just get to the end and be done with it but without breaking the promise to my brother and long enough to see the dogs through their lives.

There is no real numbing going on. Smoke some weed now and then and despite my having 3 full bottles of liquor... I've not drank anything. Taking my depression meds like I should and I have a visit with a head shrink next week.

Been around for 41 years and only 18 of them have been worth the bullshit of the other 23. **** me. Begged God that he do me a solid just once in my miserable existence that he has gleefully shat all over and pleaded for a heart attack so I could be gone yet keep my promise. Clearly, no joy there. (you religious folk here... I mean no offense to you all with the gleefully shitting on me bit).

I hate waking up. I hate being alive. I hate myself. I hate how utterly alone it feels on the farm without her here. ****... I wish I hadn't promised anything to anyone.

I don't want to be here anymore.