Confronting a cheater

[The Dude Abides]

Haven't been here in awhile, so check this out. Guess this could be related to the cheaters thread, but oh well. I had been seeing this woman for about 3 years. Everything was great, we got along, amazing sex, etc. But during this whole time, I live in Wichita, she in Newton, a 30 minute drive. She always had to visit me at my house because she lived with her ex. They had never been married, just dated for 9 years. Long story short, I saw the end coming, she was pulling away, as she had done before a few years ago, so I found where she lived and told her supposed ex the whole story of me and his woman. Oh yeah, they were very much together, he said. But he was a big puss and didn't get mad or anything. But needless to say, she got hysterical, said she hated me, i ruined her life, etc. I knew all this was going to happen anyway, but I just couldn't let her get away with her doing the whole player thing. So basically, what is your opinion on confronting the cheaters significant other?

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by luv

You pee on her before she cheats. That way, no one else will touch her.

No girl is peed on enough that there isn't some hunchbacked wildebeest dying to hump her.

[Mecca]

Originally Posted by stevieray

anger masks sadness...if something like that doesn't make you angry or sad..then you prolly won't ever have a loving relationship.

that said, some people handle things differently, and the risk of being shot does exist.

Then at that point it's misplaced, your anger should be at her, not some guy you don't know.

That was my entire point.

['Hamas' Jenkins]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

It may not solve anything. Its a reaction.

You're married. Put yourself in that situation. The Dude just knocked on your door. You going to fix him a drink and pull out the checker board?

It's not black and white, though. You don't have to roll over like a whipped dog.

If the guy actually had the gumption to come and tell you that, it would be pretty surprising.

Of course, you'd be irate. My first reaction would be to toss out a suitcase and tell her she's got 15 minutes to pack.

My second reaction would be to tell the guy you never want to see or hear from him again.

Why let the woman manipulate you even more by going to blows with some dude over it? She already cuckolded you. **** her (figuratively).

I think the most devastating thing to do in that situation would be to tell them both, "Well, your desired partner is someone who can't keep their wedding vows. What a winner you are."

I think that would sting longer than any shit kicking.

[Quesadilla Joe]

Originally Posted by Demonpenz

F slitting her throat, cut that bitches head off

['Hamas' Jenkins]

Originally Posted by The Dude Abides

They were not married. Oh, and she may be 3 months along. Did I mention that?

If it's your kid, and she has it, at least take care of it.

[Just Passin' By]

Originally Posted by Mecca

Then at that point it's misplaced, your anger should be at her, not some guy you don't know.

That was my entire point.

The guy knew she was living with an "ex". He's at fault as well as her. The anger's not misplaced, and there's usually plenty of it to go around.

[Mecca]

Originally Posted by Just Passin' By

The guy knew she was living with an "ex". He's at fault as well as her. The anger's not misplaced, and there's usually plenty of it to go around.

That's just one situation but say he really believed it was her ex, he doesn't believe he's doing anything wrong.

[The Dude Abides]

Originally Posted by 'Hamas' Jenkins

If it's your kid, and she has it, at least take care of it.

Of course. Problem is finding out when, if, and where she has it.

[stevieray]

Originally Posted by Mecca

Then at that point it's misplaced, your anger should be at her, not some guy you don't know.

That was my entire point.

only an idiot wouldn't be able to figure out he's sleeping with someone who is married..unless it was one time..the truth is eventually going to come out.

besides, just because the woman has no integrity, doesn't give the guy a free pass...if you'd sleep with a friends girlfriend, you aren't a friend.

[The Dude Abides]

Originally Posted by Mecca

That's just one situation but say he really believed it was her ex, he doesn't believe he's doing anything wrong.

And yes I did believe her, until her shady actions really got me to thinking about it. Then when I asked her man if they were together, he said yes, I then told him what had been going on. Not before.

[Iowanian]

Anger isn't always the "right" reaction, but based on my previous experience, and those I've watched and helped through this situation this year....its the first one.

[Mecca]

Originally Posted by stevieray

only an idiot wouldn't be able to figure out he's sleeping with someone who is married..unless it was one time..the truth is eventually going to come out.

besides, just because the woman has no integrity, doesn't give the guy a free pass...if you'd sleep with a friends girlfriend, you aren't a friend.

Did I not cover the difference between it being a friend of yours and just some random guy earlier in the thread?

[Just Passin' By]

Originally Posted by Mecca

That's just one situation but say he really believed it was her ex, he doesn't believe he's doing anything wrong.

Well, if you change the terms of the hypothetical, you can get all kinds of different answers. The partner is always going to be at fault, and the 'other person' is at fault if they knew or should have known.

Either way, going to the house after you've been sleeping with a woman, and telling the 'ex' about it in person is just asking for the guy to go UFC or pistol range on your stupid ass.

[Mecca]

Yea Dude that probably wasn't the best thing to do, you're lucky the guy didn't lose his mind on you alot of people lack rational thought.

[The Dude Abides]

Well, see at that point I didnt give a shit about my own life, or what happened. You know how things are after a break up. Especially when you have just found out you have been cheated on for 3 years.