Ask Iowanian. Pt II, the Keyboard of Doom

[Iowanian]

If you've got a problem, yo Ahll Solve it, check out my hooks, while DJ revolves it..tss tss ts tss tst

If Dr Laura, Dr Phil or Ann Landers couldn't help you.....Serve it up.


Its the offseason, the board needs something other than politics. This thread, and the answers will go where you take it. A serious Question....I'll try to help, and or rely on others......A not serious question....You'll get what you ask for.


disclaimer: Iowanian is not a licensed Doctor, Psychologist or anything else. No responsibility shall be taken by advisors on any issue within the thread. The answer "I have no #@%&* idea " is valid and acceptable for these purposes. If the thread sucks, it shall fade into planet oblivion.

[Raiderhater]

Originally Posted by ENDelt260

Not to mention the sentimental value. Much sex has been had on those couches. Every once in awhile I chuckle to myself when I see someone sitting on one and think of all the various bodily fluids that have been absorbed by the cushion under their ass.

Note to self, refrain from sitting on Brian's couches if you ever find yourself at his place.

[Iowanian]

Originally Posted by raiderhader

This guy has to be one of the wittiest people I have ever come across.

You come accross guys? Gross.

For the record....No one has ever come accross this guy.


Delt...the springs on those couches are surely poking through..besides you're probably ready to move up to the Full size. In earlier posts, you mentioned you were cutting back on bar visits, thereby saving a potload of mon-ay. In 3 months, You could probably save enough to buy yourself a new set.

I've recently had to give up on my favorite college chair and couch, as they were deemed un-fit for human habitation by new middle management in my organization. giving up that old Pleather man-chair was a difficult thing to do, but the new reclining faux-Lazy boy is fabulous.

[Raiderhater]

Originally Posted by ENDelt260

Eh, I'd just lie and tell you I bought new ones.

I have a feeling the worn and dirty look would give away the truth.

[Raiderhater]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

You come accross guys? Gross.

For the record....No one has ever come accross this guy.


Delt...the springs on those couches are surely poking through..besides you're probably ready to move up to the Full size. In earlier posts, you mentioned you were cutting back on bar visits, thereby saving a potload of mon-ay. In 3 months, You could probably save enough to buy yourself a new set.

I've recently had to give up on my favorite college chair and couch, as they were deemed un-fit for human habitation by new middle management in my organization. giving up that old Pleather man-chair was a difficult thing to do, but the new reclining faux-Lazy boy is fabulous.

I do not know how to respond, so I will not try.

[Iowanian]

Rh....I'd think the fact that when you stand up, feeling the velcro let go of your pants, only to look down and recall that there IS NO velcro on your pants....would be the only required clue.

I recommend following the code of Nurses that do home visits. Always put your belongings up on a clear table or chair, and only sit on wooden chairs.

[Raiderhater]

Originally Posted by ENDelt260

You don't know what color these couches originally were.

If the people coming over to my house had any idea, I doubt any of them would sit down.

I do have an idea, so I would not be sitting down. Infact, it might be better if I were to simply not set foot in the residence period.

Does not matter, I just talked to my dad and found out I will not be in Pheonix the first week of June. This morning it looked like a possibility. Hell, I was going to come a week earlier and celebrate my birthday out there.

[Raiderhater]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

Rh....I'd think the fact that when you stand up, feeling the velcro let go of your pants, only to look down and recall that there IS NO velcro on your pants....would be the only required clue.

I recommend following the code of Nurses that do home visits. Always put your belongings up on a clear table or chair, and only sit on wooden chairs.

Good policy in most instances. Though I wonder if it would make much difference at Endo's place.........

[Raiderhater]

Originally Posted by ENDelt260

Haha. Man, now I've scared Jamie out of my home completely.

Probably best for both of us. I do not have to worry about getting sticky substances all over myself and you do not have to worry about me drinking your beer.

[Raiderhater]

Originally Posted by ENDelt260

Bah. Boozer was in town last week. He already drank all my beer.

Well I am working off the assumption that you do restock.

[Iowanian]

Jamie.....you need to rethink what you just said.

BYOB.....you'll have to remember that Endelt's best pickup line is probably [butthead laugh]Heeey-a-bebee, got 5 buckth I can bor-row for a 12 pack?"

[Raiderhater]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

Jamie.....you need to rethink what you just said.

BYOB.....you'll have to remember that Endelt's best pickup line is probably [butthead laugh]Heeey-a-bebee, got 5 buckth I can bor-row for a 12 pack?"

You are probably right.


This thread really does have all the answers.

[HarryParatestes]

Dear Dr Iowanian,


Why is it that most women I go out with will spend a good portion ( or about ALL ) of our first date talking about her ( abusive/neglectful/inconsiderate/alcoholic/workoholic/cheating/etc/etc)
ex-husband or boyfriend?

When I try to steer the conversation to something else, eventually the worst offenders will find a way to drag "him" back to the front page.


How would you handle this situation?


p.s. Unless I score that night the chick does NOT get a second date.

[Iowanian]

Originally Posted by HarryParatestes

Dear Dr Iowanian,


Why is it that most women I go out with will spend a good portion ( or about ALL ) of our first date talking about her ( abusive/neglectful/inconsiderate/alcoholic/workoholic/cheating/etc/etc)
ex-husband or boyfriend?

When I try to steer the conversation to something else, eventually the worst offenders will find a way to drag "him" back to the front page.


How would you handle this situation?


p.s. Unless I score that night the chick does NOT get a second date.

Spare the Rod and spoil the broad.

At this point in the date, its acceptable to ask the lady how many ears she has?2 How many Mouths does she have? 1...thats right....thats so she can listen. Remind her how pretty she looks, and that you don't want to spoil the "chemistry" you're feeling with words.

At this point, you have 2 options. Interupt her every time she strays off topic, ask her questions that pre-date the boy-toy(childhood, family, vacations). Counter with stories about your family relationships, that you're close to your mother, sister et al.

If this fails, your next alternative is simple. Every time she mentions the former boyfriend...Interupt and insert your own story of Conquer and plunder of the Anderson Twins, and any other penthouse story(that wouldn't be told by frequilizer) that you can think of.....she'll either be offended and leave, or get hormonally out of control, and climb the watertower, while carrying a 12 pack out on County Road 2, and let you violate her on the catwalk at 300'.

[Wile_E_Coyote]

when a person masturbates they are having same sex, sex. Does this make eveyone who abuses themselves homosexual?

~please anwser soon
thank you

[Iowanian]

Originally Posted by Wile_E_Coyote

when a person masturbates they are having same sex, sex. Does this make eveyone who abuses themselves homosexual?

~please anwser soon
thank you

This is not a problem, if you've given su manos female names.

hAndrea and Jill(hold your right hand up, palm away) are good selections.