The Herm Edwards Bible - Page 8

Extra Point · 09-11-2007, 08:58 AM

"And I shall turn my back on the chosen kicker filled with the vile plagues and diseases of the mind. I shall purify the flock by casting him under the diesel chariot.

If thy left foot offend thee, cut it off!"

jwhit · 09-11-2007, 09:57 AM

this is easily one of the most clever things i've ever read. all that have participated should be very proud. this is absolute genius.

teedubya · 09-11-2007, 10:14 AM

Marty begat Tony. Tony begat Herm. And so it was written that he who begats who will be given the playbook to the other in any games of thine playoff merit.

If thee is committed to the run, the Lord Herm will provideth for thee.

If thee is weak in thine offensive line. Lord Herm will not address such frivolous things.

The Gospel of Herm is Run Run Pass Punt... and nary thy path shall change. For ifith thee throw beyond thee hashmark of ten yards, ye be of the Arena football devil.

Sippio? Sippy-no. For in the Gospel of Herm, only those who possess hands of stone may see the glorious field on the Sabbath in the Red Sea.

beach tribe · 09-11-2007, 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ari Chi3fs

Marty begat Tony. Tony begat Herm. And so it was written that he who begats who will be given the playbook to the other in any games of thine playoff merit.

If thee is committed to the run, the Lord Herm will provideth for thee.

If thee is weak in thine offensive line. Lord Herm will not address such frivolous things.

The Gospel of Herm is Run Run Pass Punt... and nary thy path shall change. For ifith thee throw beyond thee hashmark of ten yards, ye be of the Arena football devil.

Sippio? Sippy-no. For in the Gospel of Herm, only those who possess hands of stone may see the glorious field on the Sabbath in the Red Sea.

WOW.

carlos3652 · 09-11-2007, 11:27 AM

Could we sticky this, as I think this should be something we update every week... anyone want to second this motion...

Lets try to finish this... Fax, Simplex3, and many others have been incredible... put it on WIKI too as metioned previously...

FAX · 09-11-2007, 12:01 PM

And it came to pass after these things, that Carl did visit Herm, and sayeth unto him, Herm: behold, here I am and from my office have I come unto you and, lo, the media are angry and with loud voices do they decry the team. And neither do they repent they of their evil voicings, nor of their sorceries, nor of their fornication, nor of their blasphemous eating habits.

For their power is in their mouth, and in their microphones: and their scribes are like unto serpents, and doeth they strike at our livelihood, and with them do they injure attendance and the season tickets sales doest they grievous harm.

And to Herm it was given that Carl should not be tormented five months: for the torment of the media was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man in the groin and, woe, unto the penis itself do it striketh. And Carl said, Take now thy kicker, thine only kicker, whom I lovest, and get thee into the land of Waivers; and offer him there for an offering unto the media.

And Herm rose up early in the morning, and checketh he for the last time, and took with him his wife his trusted counselor, and Medlock his beloved kicker, and clave he to the Waiver Wire for the offering of which Carl had told him.

FAX

beach tribe · 09-11-2007, 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FAX

And it came to pass after these things, that Carl did visit Herm, and sayeth unto him, Herm: behold, here I am and from my office have I come unto you and, lo, the media are angry and with loud voices do they decry the team. And neither do they repent they of their evil voicings, nor of their sorceries, nor of their fornication, nor of their blasphemous eating habits.

For their power is in their mouth, and in their microphones: and their scribes are like unto serpents, and doeth they strike at our livelihood, and with them do they injure attendance and the season tickets sales doest they grievous harm.

And to Herm it was given that Carl should not be tormented five months: for the torment of the media was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man in the groin and, woe, unto the penis itself do it striketh. And Carl said, Take now thy kicker, thine only kicker, whom I lovest, and get thee into the land of Waivers; and offer him there for an offering unto the media.

And Herm rose up early in the morning, and checketh he for the last time, and took with him his wife his trusted counselor, and Medlock his beloved kicker, and clave he to the Waiver Wire for the offering of which Carl had told him.

FAX

HA......FUKIN........LARIOUS

'Hamas' Jenkins · 09-11-2007, 11:53 AM

Beware Don Coryell and Trent Green, for they are false prophets of offense. It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than it is to score 30 points while playing real football, for that is Arena League stuff. The low scoring teams shall inherit the earth, for they do not try to outscore their opponents on the road.

**Baby Lee** · 09-11-2007, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr. FAX

And Herm rose up early in the morning, and checketh he for the last time

C'MON!!!!

Snickers I can stifle. Belly guffaws not so much.

Chiefnj2 · 09-11-2007, 12:34 PM

And behold, on the sixteenth day of the ninth month the Chiefs shall come up like a lamb from the swelling of Jordan unto the habitation of the strong who play near the great lake of Michigan. And the Chiefs shall be deceived for the strong ursus shall have a quarterback much like their own. He too shall have an affinity for throwing the ball errantly to those that come from other stadiums. But like a shepherd guarding a flock of wolves, the Chiefs shall be deceived. For the mighty defense of the ursus shall overcome the many clouds of dust generated by the Chiefs, and all of the noteworthy punting shall be for naught. The Chiefs shall return to their habituation defeated yet strangely still inspired by the many wisdoms of Herm.

Chiefnj2 · 11-19-2007, 02:10 PM

bump so people can add the next chapter: Book Of Croyle.

KCJohnny · 11-19-2007, 02:41 PM

And it came to pass after 37 years of bitter drought that the Chosen People gathered together at One Arrowhead Drive to ask for a quarterback.

Then replied the King to the people, "I have given you 49ers quarterbacks! I have given you Martzyball! I have even given you Tom Brady's back up! What more could I have done for you ungrateful servants?"

"Nay, they replied. We want our own quarterback. For we have seen and heard how other franchises draft a young QB and develop them into leaders and prophets. Now therefore, go to and bring us a quarterback!"

The king would have parted company but the furor of the crowd could not be placated with the usual prattle about the Marty years.

After much thought, the king decided to offer up a sacrifice. "I'll teach them, " he thought to himself. "After they see what becomes of their blessed redeemer QB, they will think twice before confronting their king again!"

So the king ordered his servant Hermaniah to offer up the innocent young lamb named Croyle to the wild stallion stampede. Hermaniah delayed as long as he could, but the king insisted on the sacrifice.

Now it came to pass that the Stallion stampede was passing through the valley of decision. The stallions were four stadia high and could destroy a furlong's worth of hubris in a single step. Hermaniah attempted to hide Croyle in the cleft of the rock but the lad would have none of it. "Place me in their path," saith the youth.

With all eyes on the lad, the stallions gathered steam in their stampede. Brodie lifted his eyes to heaven and prayed,
"Now Lord, if thy servant is pleasing in thy sight,
Send a plague to slay these evil beasts."

And behold, from the mist came a large creature with ferocious countenance and a mullet haircut. He wore a crimson robe with "69" emblazed on it. He that hath wisdom, let him understand what this meaneth.

The creature proceeded to break the legs of the Stallions one-by-one. The people gasped, "truly the Almighty has heard the prayer of Croyle."

Out of the heavens appeared a Bowe. It stretched from goal line to goal line. It was glorious to behold! Croyle was told "stretcheth forth thy right arm and hurl the forward pass to the Bowe." Obeying the voice, he completed forward pass after forward pass confuting the stallion stampede.

The people cried, "Our deliverer hath arrived!"

The king exclaimed, "It was my idea all along! For in my counsel I kneweth that he was the real deal."

But the people knew that the king deceived them.

teedubya · 11-19-2007, 02:53 PM

For it is written that he who hath the right forearm of three men, shall bring forth the glory.

**HemiEd** · 11-19-2007, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RunRunPassPunt

For it is written that he who hath the right forearm of three men, shall bring forth the glory.

The forearm didn't look that big to me, how about you?

Were those the worst announcers ever, for a Chiefs game?

I don't know how many times they couldn't make a correct first down call, even with the aid of the yellow line. They were horrible.

**Bob Dole** · 11-19-2007, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HemiEd

The forearm didn't look that big to me, how about you?

Were those the worst announcers ever, for a Chiefs game?

I don't know how many times they couldn't make a correct first down call, even with the aid of the yellow line. They were horrible.

That's an Indianapolis first down right there.

09-11-2007, 08:58 AM	#1
Extra Point MVP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Prairie Village, KS Casino cash: $10004900	"And I shall turn my back on the chosen kicker filled with the vile plagues and diseases of the mind. I shall purify the flock by casting him under the diesel chariot. If thy left foot offend thee, cut it off!" __________________ "Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits." --Satchel Paige
Posts: 7,845

09-11-2007, 09:57 AM	#2
jwhit Starter Join Date: Oct 2004 Casino cash: $9994990	this is easily one of the most clever things i've ever read. all that have participated should be very proud. this is absolute genius.
Posts: 212

09-11-2007, 10:14 AM	#3
teedubya Most Valuable Poster Join Date: Oct 2003 Casino cash: $8993042	Marty begat Tony. Tony begat Herm. And so it was written that he who begats who will be given the playbook to the other in any games of thine playoff merit. If thee is committed to the run, the Lord Herm will provideth for thee. If thee is weak in thine offensive line. Lord Herm will not address such frivolous things. The Gospel of Herm is Run Run Pass Punt... and nary thy path shall change. For ifith thee throw beyond thee hashmark of ten yards, ye be of the Arena football devil. Sippio? Sippy-no. For in the Gospel of Herm, only those who possess hands of stone may see the glorious field on the Sabbath in the Red Sea.
Posts: 36,832

09-11-2007, 11:27 AM	#5
carlos3652 El Diablo Join Date: Dec 2004 Casino cash: $1576679	Could we sticky this, as I think this should be something we update every week... anyone want to second this motion... Lets try to finish this... Fax, Simplex3, and many others have been incredible... put it on WIKI too as metioned previously... __________________
Posts: 6,108

09-11-2007, 12:01 PM	#6
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	And it came to pass after these things, that Carl did visit Herm, and sayeth unto him, Herm: behold, here I am and from my office have I come unto you and, lo, the media are angry and with loud voices do they decry the team. And neither do they repent they of their evil voicings, nor of their sorceries, nor of their fornication, nor of their blasphemous eating habits. For their power is in their mouth, and in their microphones: and their scribes are like unto serpents, and doeth they strike at our livelihood, and with them do they injure attendance and the season tickets sales doest they grievous harm. And to Herm it was given that Carl should not be tormented five months: for the torment of the media was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man in the groin and, woe, unto the penis itself do it striketh. And Carl said, Take now thy kicker, thine only kicker, whom I lovest, and get thee into the land of Waivers; and offer him there for an offering unto the media. And Herm rose up early in the morning, and checketh he for the last time, and took with him his wife his trusted counselor, and Medlock his beloved kicker, and clave he to the Waiver Wire for the offering of which Carl had told him. FAX
Posts: 44,492	3 0

09-11-2007, 11:53 AM	#8
'Hamas' Jenkins Now you've pissed me off! Join Date: Jan 2006 Casino cash: $7129572	Beware Don Coryell and Trent Green, for they are false prophets of offense. It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than it is to score 30 points while playing real football, for that is Arena League stuff. The low scoring teams shall inherit the earth, for they do not try to outscore their opponents on the road. __________________ "When the Know-Nothings get control, it will read 'all men are created equal, except negroes, and foreigners, and Catholics.' When it comes to this I should prefer emigrating to some country where they make no pretense of loving liberty – to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken pure, and without the base alloy of hypocrisy.”--Abraham Lincoln
Posts: 75,083

09-11-2007, 12:34 PM	#10
Chiefnj2 In Search of a Life Join Date: Mar 2007 Casino cash: $6654388	And behold, on the sixteenth day of the ninth month the Chiefs shall come up like a lamb from the swelling of Jordan unto the habitation of the strong who play near the great lake of Michigan. And the Chiefs shall be deceived for the strong ursus shall have a quarterback much like their own. He too shall have an affinity for throwing the ball errantly to those that come from other stadiums. But like a shepherd guarding a flock of wolves, the Chiefs shall be deceived. For the mighty defense of the ursus shall overcome the many clouds of dust generated by the Chiefs, and all of the noteworthy punting shall be for naught. The Chiefs shall return to their habituation defeated yet strangely still inspired by the many wisdoms of Herm. __________________ Mismanaging the clock.
Posts: 22,541

11-19-2007, 02:10 PM	#11
Chiefnj2 In Search of a Life Join Date: Mar 2007 Casino cash: $6654388	bump so people can add the next chapter: Book Of Croyle. __________________ Mismanaging the clock.
Posts: 22,541

11-19-2007, 02:41 PM	#12
KCJohnny Blind, deceived homer Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Maryland, USA Casino cash: $10004900	The Croyle Appeareth And it came to pass after 37 years of bitter drought that the Chosen People gathered together at One Arrowhead Drive to ask for a quarterback. Then replied the King to the people, "I have given you 49ers quarterbacks! I have given you Martzyball! I have even given you Tom Brady's back up! What more could I have done for you ungrateful servants?" "Nay, they replied. We want our own quarterback. For we have seen and heard how other franchises draft a young QB and develop them into leaders and prophets. Now therefore, go to and bring us a quarterback!" The king would have parted company but the furor of the crowd could not be placated with the usual prattle about the Marty years. After much thought, the king decided to offer up a sacrifice. "I'll teach them, " he thought to himself. "After they see what becomes of their blessed redeemer QB, they will think twice before confronting their king again!" So the king ordered his servant Hermaniah to offer up the innocent young lamb named Croyle to the wild stallion stampede. Hermaniah delayed as long as he could, but the king insisted on the sacrifice. Now it came to pass that the Stallion stampede was passing through the valley of decision. The stallions were four stadia high and could destroy a furlong's worth of hubris in a single step. Hermaniah attempted to hide Croyle in the cleft of the rock but the lad would have none of it. "Place me in their path," saith the youth. With all eyes on the lad, the stallions gathered steam in their stampede. Brodie lifted his eyes to heaven and prayed, "Now Lord, if thy servant is pleasing in thy sight, Send a plague to slay these evil beasts." And behold, from the mist came a large creature with ferocious countenance and a mullet haircut. He wore a crimson robe with "69" emblazed on it. He that hath wisdom, let him understand what this meaneth. The creature proceeded to break the legs of the Stallions one-by-one. The people gasped, "truly the Almighty has heard the prayer of Croyle." Out of the heavens appeared a Bowe. It stretched from goal line to goal line. It was glorious to behold! Croyle was told "stretcheth forth thy right arm and hurl the forward pass to the Bowe." Obeying the voice, he completed forward pass after forward pass confuting the stallion stampede. The people cried, "Our deliverer hath arrived!" The king exclaimed, "It was my idea all along! For in my counsel I kneweth that he was the real deal." But the people knew that the king deceived them. __________________
Posts: 6,347

11-19-2007, 02:53 PM	#13
teedubya Most Valuable Poster Join Date: Oct 2003 Casino cash: $8993042	For it is written that he who hath the right forearm of three men, shall bring forth the glory.
Posts: 36,832