This sucks at 58

[Monk]

I normally don't post on here,but damn I need to vent. I have (had) been married to the same woman for over 35 years. Never a major problem in our relationship. Five weeks ago she informs me she wants a divorce as she has met someone and wants something different in her life.

I worked 25 years for Williams Energy, we put two daughters through college and helped them, as we could, get established in life.

So,today was a meeting between the lawyers and I find out I will have to give her the house (paid for ) a car (new) and 1/2 of my pension,savings, and investments. Now all of that was ours 50/50 any way and she did her part in the marriage. Not only does it hurt like hell but now it looks like at 58 I have to start all over again.

Sorry for spelling or grammer but right now I don't care my heart is broken and soon to be homeless (STARTING OVER AT 58 )

[Cannibal]

Originally Posted by AustinChief

No problem. PM me if you want any further advice... I know Colorado is different from Texas legally, but I just can't see a judge or mediator(<--better choice) not giving you a better deal.

Instead of a new attorney, you may want to call around to some ADR (Alternative dispute resolution) places. Often they are themselves lawyers. Mediation can be expensive, but not as bad as court or getting raped by the opposing offer.

Excellent work in this thread.

[Monk]

Originally Posted by RJ

That's excellent! Lots of guys hit retirement age and find out they have no interests outside of their work and family. Not so for you, which is very good news.

So you like scotch and making string instruments. If you get a better lawyer to improve the financial stuff I think you'll be just fine.

Are things still cool between you and your daughters?

Yes both daughters are in constant contact since it all blew up, and I had to make my oldest daughter call her mom, I told her not to take sides.

[Monk]

Originally Posted by luv

Not all of us.


To be married for 35 years, nd just blindside someone? Monk, are you sure there were no signs? Or did you just not see them?

You know Luv, I knew she just could not get over both girls gone and working in other states.But this I had no idea

[Pioli Zombie]

Monk, I am so sorry. I feel your pain. I'm 47 and basically just went through the same thing. Only my daughters are still little going through it. When they leave you like that they've been plotting it for a while and they screw you over while you are staggered. I was still taking care of her because that was my job for so long I couldn't stop even while she was divorcing me. I got taken pretty bad but on some level I did it to spare my girls the scorched earth hell she would have caused with a long court battle. It wasn't worth the money to have that trauma. They are messed up enough as it is. But 2 years later I'm close to bankruptcy and still very stunned the life I had is gone. So I go on to message board and get into fights

Its a long process. Divorce, especially when you didn't want it, is like a bomb going off in the middle of your life. It effects everything. Friends, money, kids, everything. I think its right up there with a death of a spouse because at least you have that persons love in your heart. With divorce that person has rejected you they are gone forever.
But you are not alone, it does get better, and after a while there is another plan for us, something we can't even imagine. Hang in there, keep talking about it, do protect yourself, and by all means talk to as many people who have been through it as you can. There is help and support out there.
Posted via Mobile Device

[dtrain]

Originally Posted by Monk

Always stayed home and raised the girls

If she stayed home how is she entitled to 50/50?

[Monk]

Originally Posted by AustinChief

This is the kicker. Since she has a job now, these obligation (alimony) wouldn't amount to NEARLY what she wants in taking 50% of the home (unless you both live to be 200 and work that entire time...AND remember , alminony ends the minute she remarries)

Here is the formula they TRY to use in CO....


OK, now... here are the factors used to arrive at the FINAL alimony decision...


a,b, and c work in your favor. d does not. I assume e and f don't affect things either way.

Based on this... if you lived a relatively frugal life (sounds like you did) and she isn't used to expensive trips and cavier dinners... then IF she is earning a decent wage now... you shouldn't be required to pay more than a nominal amount if anything.

If they don't take your counter offer... I would seriously look into a binding metiation. Probably the most fair route and one where half your assets won't go to the lawyers who battle it out in court.

Any form of alternative dispute resolution is better than going into a court battle... but don't fear court so much that you get railroaded... you have a ton of options at this stage.

I don't know what to say,I am overwhelmed by your kindess

[RJ]

Originally Posted by Monk

Yes both daughters are in constant contact since it all blew up, and I had to make my oldest daughter call her mom, I told her not to take sides.

Then I say you'll come out to the good. The relationship with the daughters is far more important than the relationship with the wife.

Easy for me to say, of course. I'm sure you're very hurt by your wife's actions. But time heals all wounds, etc., and you're better off to not be living with a woman who would do something like that to you.

[Iowanian]

Sorry to hear it Monk. I've seen how rough this can be on a man.

I think you best revenge will be a year from now, when you're in better shape, sporting a new haircut, a girlfriend half her age and twice as hot.

[luv]

Originally Posted by Monk

You know Luv, I knew she just could not get over both girls gone and working in other states.But this I had no idea

Don't get me wrong, I don't think you did anything wrong. I just find it hard to believe anyone could be that cold (yes guys, even women).

[Dave Lane]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

What the - why didn't you come to my draft party? My wife knows all sorts of women she can set you up with.



As a positive, you have two things working in your favor. First, you're at the age where women are starting to outnumber men pretty strongly. You can go to the bar at Elway's restaurant and be pounced on like a ketchup-covered rabbit in a cougar cage. Second, the wife's fling won't work out (they never do), and she'll end up alone because she's at the age where women are starting to outnumber men pretty strongly.

And women at this age are a depreciating asset (looks) and men are pretty much unchanged (status).

[Iowanian]

Does she have a good friend? A lady she was always just a little jealous of? A "rival" in her bowling league/church group/soccer mom?

Find that lady, and make her belly sticky.

[Monk]

Originally Posted by Pioli Zombie

Monk, I am so sorry. I feel your pain. I'm 47 and basically just went through the same thing. Only my daughters are still little going through it. When they leave you like that they've been plotting it for a while and they screw you over while you are staggered. I was still taking care of her because that was my job for so long I couldn't stop even while she was divorcing me. I got taken pretty bad but on some level I did it to spare my girls the scorched earth hell she would have caused with a long court battle. It wasn't worth the money to have that trauma. They are messed up enough as it is. But 2 years later I'm close to bankruptcy and still very stunned the life I had is gone. So I go on to message board and get into fights

Its a long process. Divorce, especially when you didn't want it, is like a bomb going off in the middle of your life. It effects everything. Friends, money, kids, everything. I think its right up there with a death of a spouse because at least you have that persons love in your heart. With divorce that person has rejected you they are gone forever.
But you are not alone, it does get better, and after a while there is another plan for us, something we can't even imagine. Hang in there, keep talking about it, do protect yourself, and by all means talk to as many people who have been through it as you can. There is help and support out there.
Posted via Mobile Device

Thank you so very much. I am so sorry about your situation, After I read your post I could not help but thank God at least the girls are raised and out of college and making their way . I don't know what my my reaction would have been if they were still at home when this happened

[Monk]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

Does she have a good friend? A lady she was always just a little jealous of? A "rival" in her bowling league/church group/soccer mom?

Find that lady, and make her belly sticky.

I like the way you think and yes I may just do that

[RJ]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

Does she have a good friend? A lady she was always just a little jealous of? A "rival" in her bowling league/church group/soccer mom?

Find that lady, and make her belly sticky.

I admire the way you think. Great idea.

Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not the next day. But someday.....

[stlchiefs]

These guys may be worth a call: Cordell and Cordell http://www.cordellcordell.com They specialize in representing men in divorce proceedings. Austin did a good job of outlining CO state law for you and if you lawyer hasn't done this it's further evidence you need to get a second opinion. Don't let the surprise of this leave you walking blindly through the divorce and financially screwed in the end. You worked hard for what you have and this is not your fault. Fight for what you've earned so you don't have to do it all over again. Good luck!