Misc Why Monogamy is Ridiculous - Page 9

Skyy God · 01-26-2011, 11:09 AM

http://bigthink.com/ideas/24738

Dan Savage: Yeah, absolutely we need to rethink love and commitment. You know 60 years ago was when we decided that men had to be monogamous too. Men were not monogamous. For all of recorded human history men had concubines and whores, and 60 years ago straight relationships began to become more egalitarian and it was less of a property transaction—a marriage had been a property transaction for most of recorded human history—and it became a union of two equals. And at that moment instead of deciding to allow women to have the same sort of freedom and leeway that men did we decided to let men have the same limitations, impose the same limitations what women had and we put monogamous sexual commitment at the heart of all relationships, all long-term commitments, all marriages and we have watched.

We should now be able to recognize the consequences of that, which are a lot of short-term relationships, a lot of divorce. Because monogamy is ridiculous and people aren’t any good at it. We’re not wired for it. We didn’t evolve to be. It’s unnatural and it places a tremendous strain on our marriages and our long-term commitments to expect them to be effortlessly monogamous. Because what we said is "If you’re in love you shouldn’t... you won’t want to have sex with anybody else and what we need to tell people is that if you’re in love you can make a monogamous commitment and you will refrain from having sex with other people, but you will still desperately want to f**k the shit out of other people." But people understand love means I don’t want to f**k other people because of these misconceptions pumped into people’s heads about romance, love and what it means. And so they meet somebody else that they’re attracted to and they’re attracted to this other person. They go "Well, I must not be in love with my partner anymore otherwise I wouldn’t be attracted to this person." Or they feel threatened when their partners are attracted to other people because it makes them feel insecure and we just need to get passed that and we talk about monogamy the way we talk about virginity, that you’re monogamous until you f**k somebody else and they’re you’re not. You’ve ruined it. You popped your monogamy hymen and destroyed your monogamous relationship.

We need to talk about monogamy the way we talk about sobriety, which you can be monogamous and fall off the wagon and then sober back up. You can monogamous back up and get back on the wagon. And the truth of the matter is that if you’re with somebody for 40, 50 years and they only cheated on you a few times they were good at being monogamous, not bad at being monogamous. They were good at it. So I do think there needs to be some leeway. And a lot of really good loving relationships are destroyed because somebody wants a little variety or isn’t getting a need met and feels they have to step out and it explodes the relationship. I'm conservative. I think that we should do what we can to preserve marriages and long-term relationships, and one way to do that is to encourage people to have more realistic attitudes about sexual exclusivity.

Skyy God · 01-31-2011, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr. Plow

Choices....choices.....

I always suspected monogamy was more expensive.

tooge · 01-31-2011, 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cdcox

If there were no jealosy and we didn't form emotional attachments to those we are intimate with, we would be a 100% polygomous species. The fact that we have always had some individuals who are polygomous while others are monogomous is a clear indication that our biology pulls us both ways.

I would bet that if the major religions didn't tell us that we are going to hell if we commit adultery, then most would be polygamous

Skyy God · 01-31-2011, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tooge

I would bet that if the major religions didn't tell us that we are going to hell if we commit adultery, then most would be polygamous

Most, no. There still would be relatively few men that could afford multiple wives.

China better check into polyandry if the male/female imbalance continues, however.

Imon Yourside · 01-31-2011, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tooge

I would bet that if the major religions didn't tell us that we are going to hell if we commit adultery, then most would be polygamous

It's a bummer to have rules isn't it?

Brock · 01-31-2011, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KILLER_CLOWN

It's a bummer to have rules isn't it?

You've never committed adultery i.e. unmarried sex?

LiveSteam · 01-31-2011, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bugeater

0000FF;text-align:left">View Larger Map

do they have a town called Fisting ?

BIG_DADDY · 01-31-2011, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pittsie

I always suspected monogamy was more expensive.

, Now that's funny right there.

mnchiefsguy · 01-31-2011, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

You've never committed adultery i.e. unmarried sex?

Adultery is when a married person has sex with someone other than their husband/wife. Unmarried sex is just plain old fornication.

Brock · 01-31-2011, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mnchiefsguy

Adultery is when a married person has sex with someone other than their husband/wife. Unmarried sex is just plain old fornication.

http://www.christiananswers.net/dict.../adultery.html

Imon Yourside · 01-31-2011, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

You've never committed adultery i.e. unmarried sex?

I've never cheated on my wife or before that a girlfriend, therefore the monogamy.

Brock · 01-31-2011, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KILLER_CLOWN

I've never cheated on my wife or before that a girlfriend, therefore the monogamy.

"Cheating" is not the definition of adultery as far as scripture is concerned. I assume that's the one you're applying to others, since you apparently agree that everyone who does it is going to hell.

Imon Yourside · 01-31-2011, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

"Cheating" is not the definition of adultery as far as scripture is concerned. I assume that's the one you're applying to others, since you apparently agree that everyone who does it is going to hell.

No that doesn't send you to hell, failure to realise it's a sin and not begging forgiveness is what sends you to hell. What I am saying is the fact it's just accepted is the slippery slope.

Norman Einstein · 01-31-2011, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ClayWhit

I prefer monogamy. Too lazy too seek multiple partners. Pain in the ****ing ass. Be nice to find one girl to bang regularly.

Bored with it, just as was figured years back. You are gay.

Groves · 01-31-2011, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KILLER_CLOWN

No that doesn't send you to hell, failure to realise it's a sin and not begging forgiveness is what sends you to hell. What I am saying is the fact it's just accepted is the slippery slope.

Extra Point · 01-31-2011, 02:41 PM

Whether or not you're married, if you don't work at a relationship, the relationship won't work. The key is reducing expectations, after finding someone who puts up with your shit.

01-26-2011, 11:09 AM
Skyy God 11-5, baby Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Livin the dream Casino cash: $2191557	Why Monogamy is Ridiculous http://bigthink.com/ideas/24738 Dan Savage: Yeah, absolutely we need to rethink love and commitment. You know 60 years ago was when we decided that men had to be monogamous too. Men were not monogamous. For all of recorded human history men had concubines and whores, and 60 years ago straight relationships began to become more egalitarian and it was less of a property transaction—a marriage had been a property transaction for most of recorded human history—and it became a union of two equals. And at that moment instead of deciding to allow women to have the same sort of freedom and leeway that men did we decided to let men have the same limitations, impose the same limitations what women had and we put monogamous sexual commitment at the heart of all relationships, all long-term commitments, all marriages and we have watched. We should now be able to recognize the consequences of that, which are a lot of short-term relationships, a lot of divorce. Because monogamy is ridiculous and people aren’t any good at it. We’re not wired for it. We didn’t evolve to be. It’s unnatural and it places a tremendous strain on our marriages and our long-term commitments to expect them to be effortlessly monogamous. Because what we said is "If you’re in love you shouldn’t... you won’t want to have sex with anybody else and what we need to tell people is that if you’re in love you can make a monogamous commitment and you will refrain from having sex with other people, but you will still desperately want to fk the shit out of other people." But people understand love means I don’t want to fk other people because of these misconceptions pumped into people’s heads about romance, love and what it means. And so they meet somebody else that they’re attracted to and they’re attracted to this other person. They go "Well, I must not be in love with my partner anymore otherwise I wouldn’t be attracted to this person." Or they feel threatened when their partners are attracted to other people because it makes them feel insecure and we just need to get passed that and we talk about monogamy the way we talk about virginity, that you’re monogamous until you f**k somebody else and they’re you’re not. You’ve ruined it. You popped your monogamy hymen and destroyed your monogamous relationship. We need to talk about monogamy the way we talk about sobriety, which you can be monogamous and fall off the wagon and then sober back up. You can monogamous back up and get back on the wagon. And the truth of the matter is that if you’re with somebody for 40, 50 years and they only cheated on you a few times they were good at being monogamous, not bad at being monogamous. They were good at it. So I do think there needs to be some leeway. And a lot of really good loving relationships are destroyed because somebody wants a little variety or isn’t getting a need met and feels they have to step out and it explodes the relationship. I'm conservative. I think that we should do what we can to preserve marriages and long-term relationships, and one way to do that is to encourage people to have more realistic attitudes about sexual exclusivity.
Posts: 22,416

01-31-2011, 02:41 PM	#135
Extra Point MVP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Prairie Village, KS Casino cash: $10004900	Whether or not you're married, if you don't work at a relationship, the relationship won't work. The key is reducing expectations, after finding someone who puts up with your shit. __________________ "Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits." --Satchel Paige
Posts: 7,845