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Old 11-25-2015, 09:55 AM  
teedubya teedubya is offline
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What's the WORST that you've had to shit?
We need a good shit thread around here.

I've just had my personal worst. I'm currently in Romania and I can speak very little Romanian... none of the places that I went into would let me use their toilet... I had to do the turd-turtle walk of shame for about 1.5 miles back to the hotel, with super clenched muscles, while praying to the poop God. I barely made it back to my hotel room... and I shat a good 2 pounds worth.

I almost didn't make it multiple times. I had to do some lamase breathing to keep the beast within the confines of my colon.

And so this was a memorable life moment, one too shitty to post on Facebook, however perfect for CP.

What's the worst you had to shit? And did you make it to the toilet or nah?
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Old 11-25-2015, 02:00 PM   #16
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POOP THREAD #274

CP'ers sure do love their poop threads.
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Old 11-25-2015, 02:07 PM   #17
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Ohhh, no. I get the runs badly enough from treatment, no need to make the stuff even worse!
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Old 11-25-2015, 02:07 PM   #18
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What?

Never seen a grown man taking a shit before?
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Old 11-25-2015, 02:09 PM   #19
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Old 11-25-2015, 02:18 PM   #20
Mr. Laz Mr. Laz is offline
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You haven't had a real shit until you've had to drink a gallon of that stuff they give you before a surgery.

fair warning ... don't drink it all like they say!!

Drink until you start shitting and then ease back.

You will fill your toilet up with 'MUD' so far that it won't flush.

Dump
flush
Dump
flush

Felt like one of the soft serve ice cream dispensers.

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Old 11-25-2015, 02:41 PM   #21
Carlota69 Carlota69 is offline
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OK, I just had my worst experience about a month ago...

I had been taking these Detoxing pills. They told me I wouldnt have those "emergency moments". HA!

Im on my way home from work, and Im in dead traffic and IT hits me. I have nowhere to go, completely stuck. Then we begin to move, and I jam down a side street trying to take a short cut, to no avail. MORE TRAFIC!. Man, I am holding on for dear life, and I thought for sure I was gonna shit my pants. I mean, IM clinching, punching the steerig wheel, begging outloud to hold on..lol...Finally I see a gas station, on my left, on the other side of the street. Easy access? Hardly. I had to cross all the way over in traffic and then manage to get into left hand turn lane, and the WAIT...AND WAIT...AND WAIT for the light to turn green. FINALLY the light turns green and I U Turn and fly into the gas station parking lot, in full prayer mode "PLease God, Hold on"...Thankfully my prayers were heard, and NO one was in the PUBLIC bathroom. I cant stand going in a public bathroom, but sometimes survival is more important than vanity. And survived is what I did without shitting myself, but wow, I came close. It was horrible.
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Old 11-25-2015, 02:46 PM   #22
NewChief NewChief is offline
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Similar to the OP. I was on Crete back in 1996 hiking and camping. Came to a resort town called Paleochora and couldn't wait to find a shitter. Finally find one and its a squat above hole in the ground that was absolutely covered in filth. I balked. Things got more and more dire. I finally waddled out onto the beach and went back among the dunes. I dug like a foot deep hole in the sand and proceeded to pretty much fill it to the brim with two days worth of gyros back up.

Feeling immensely relieved, I tore some pages from my journal and wiped up. I stood up and turned around to face away from the ocean and pull up my pants and noticed an entire tour bus group at an overlook, looking down at my site of shame.
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Old 11-25-2015, 02:46 PM   #23
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During a 4 hour fraternity trip, I had Montezuma's Revenge so bad that when I finally got to a toilet it looked like I killed a squirrel in the mother****er.
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Old 11-25-2015, 02:46 PM   #24
Hog's Gone Fishin Hog's Gone Fishin is online now
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They say if you gotta go really bad think about sex and it will go away. It works when you gotta piss but I've never tried it in full shit mode.
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Old 11-25-2015, 03:10 PM   #25
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This is the play when Kelce dropped the ball. It made me shit bad.
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Old 11-25-2015, 08:52 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Laz View Post
You haven't had a real shit until you've had to drink a gallon of that stuff they give you before a surgery.

fair warning ... don't drink it all like they say!!

Drink until you start shitting and then ease back.

You will fill your toilet up with 'MUD' so far that it won't flush.

Dump
flush
Dump
flush

Felt like one of the soft serve ice cream dispensers.

My wife had to do this. They told her to drink until she pooped. It took a while, and she drank most of it before it hit her. It was taking long enough we'd called the doctor.

Considering it wasn't me, it was pretty funny.
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Old 11-25-2015, 08:59 PM   #27
2112 2112 is offline
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My worst was on a flight to Vegas about 15 years ago. My intestines always decompress on planes, so I always fart a lot when we get up to altitude. But this time I couldn't fart because I had this big cannon ball of shit in the way. So after massive stomach cramps I go to bathroom and blow the cannon ball out. The ball was larger than the circumference of the hole in the shitter. And since there's no water just suction there was a ring of fecal matter around the hole. Knowing my luck some hot looking chick would be waiting for the shitter lol luckily for me there was nobody in line (thank god)
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Old 11-25-2015, 09:01 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by Mr. Laz View Post
You haven't had a real shit until you've had to drink a gallon of that stuff they give you before a surgery.

fair warning ... don't drink it all like they say!!

Drink until you start shitting and then ease back.

You will fill your toilet up with 'MUD' so far that it won't flush.

Dump
flush
Dump
flush

Felt like one of the soft serve ice cream dispensers.
The stuff they give you before a colonoscopy? Damn I thought it wouldn't end in time to go to the hospital
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Old 11-25-2015, 09:09 PM   #29
DJJasonp DJJasonp is online now
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i was in cancun....after a night of delicious tacos with amazing habanero.....

I'm on hole 4 of the golf course, and it hits me like Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber..

Tell my guys, you're gonna have to waste some time.....as I hop on the cart, and head back to the clubhouse.

I was sweating, freaking out....all the while driving backwards through the course, dodging golf balls from players on holes behind us.

Get to the clubhouse just in time, and it's Johnny Cash's "ring of fire" for a good 15 minutes.
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Old 11-25-2015, 09:16 PM   #30
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In terms of urgency, I've noticed a correlation between steak and urgent squats 1/2 hour later. Usually the better the steak, the more urgent. Or maybe it's just memorable because we'll often 'walk off' a good meal in a shop or mall, so I have to beat feet to an unfamiliar restroom.
Nothing else stressful about it. Medium soft. Clean breaker. But it's like there's an enzyme in beef that gets the tract moving.
Kind of like morning coffee.
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