So, I just found out I'm going to be a dad...

[Strongside]

You guys are the first people to know outside of my own family. I had to tell SOMEONE.

Backstory: I'm 33 years old. I'm married to the love of my life. We've been together for 16 years, married for 3. That's a long ****ing time.

I had a bit of a dead-beat dad growing up, and I know that I have it in me to give this kid everything I wish I'd had in my own childhood and more.

I know there are some fantastic dads here on CP, so what do I need to know? What are your best dad tips?

Spare me the "your life is over" bullshit. I've traveled the world, I've climbed mountains, I've swam in every Ocean and set foot on every continent. As far as I'm concerned, this sounds like an adventure unlike any I've ever undertaken, and I can't wait!

[38yrsfan]

Kids bring more to your life; joy, sorrow, hope, worry ...... but I wouldn't change a thing.

And then there are grandkids; more joy, less worry.

Kids are the personal responsibility that make you realize the true meaning of words like obligation, maturity, future, responsibility, and uncertainty.

Enjoy, the best times of life are there for you to hold and cherish.

IMHO

[Sweet Daddy Hate]

w00t! Congrats!

[GloryDayz]

Originally Posted by Sweet Daddy Hate

w00t! Congrats!

Yep.. Kids and parenthood = AWESOME!!!

[UK_Chief]

Where they are small you just have to figure it out but basically try to anticipate what they want before they need it (feed at any sign of being hungry, put to bed at any sign of being tired, and alllways have wind!)

When they’re bigger, walking talking etc. The best advice I’ve had is “what you pay attention to is what you get more of”

[htismaqe]

Originally Posted by GloryDayz

Yep.. Kids and parenthood = MOST AWESOME!!!

FYP

[htismaqe]

Originally Posted by KC Tattoo

Boys are easy to raise, girls not so much but they are the gleam in your eye. The Gleam.

Start preparing for the "teen-age" years although nothing will prepare you. Be open to their ideas set boundaries be fair and balanced.

My brother has 3 boys. I have 2 girls.

We decided long ago that girls are easier 0-10 and boys are easier 11-20.

When his boys were little, they were in the emergency room like 3 times a week - I never had to worry about trampolines or trees or whether or not one of my girls was on top of the garage, jumping into a pile of leaves.

On the other hand, he's sitting pretty now while I'm worrying about where my daughter is with that boy she likes!

[GloryDayz]

Originally Posted by htismaqe

FYP

I'm down with that.

[htismaqe]

Originally Posted by GloryDayz

I'm down with that.

There's nothing more rewarding in my life than my girls. Nothing even comes close.

[GloryDayz]

Originally Posted by htismaqe

There's nothing more rewarding in my life than my girls. Nothing even comes close.

Rep...

[DJ's left nut]

I'll toss some advice out there that's not applicable for many (if not most) but it is for SOME and it's invaluable if it turns out that way.

Kids are all different, right? Nobody argues that - but so are parents man. When my first kid was born I came back to the office and everyone was like "isn't she perfect? Wouldn't you have killed for her the minute she was born?" and my answer was always "Yes, of course..."

I lied. My WIFE would've killed for her and meant all those fawning complements she threw at the baby, but I was just saying what I was supposed to say. For a couple months she was just...there. She was a crying poopmonster who stressed out my house and lacked the cognitive development to actually show real emotion. Smiles don't mean anything at that age, they can't hardly see anything so they don't recognize you and don't react much either. Until they hit a couple months old, their brains are just trying stuff out so nothing means anything and it was just a very trying time. I was really coming down hard on myself because I thought I was just this awful cretin for not feeling like this was the greatest experience of my life. It was a rough adjustment period and I felt like I was letting my family down but it just wasn't 'clicking'.

Then at about 2-3 months old everything came together. She started actually smiling on purpose and trying to find my voice anytime I came into a room. She started to develop a personality and knew her 'her people' were and would light up whenever we were around. For me, once tipped just a bit from a glorified fetus into a baby with real emotions and feeling and thoughts, everything changed. From then forward she was my little angel and yeah, I'd set a mother****er on fire for looking at her sideways.

Maybe you'll be the guy that's crying in the delivery room and won't let her out of your sight from the second she's born - that's great. If that's how it works out for you then no worries. But if you're like me and a few other people I've talked to, don't beat yourself up. My best friend was huge here; he was the same way and I had a drunken chat with him about it and he told me all of this happened to him as well. Once his infant became a baby and the synapses started working, the bond formed.

Beyond that, I'm a little different from others here in that I can imagine my life without my kids. And it's not obviously worse, it's just different. There are times that being a parent is just ****ing hard. And at those times you can bet your ass that I look back longingly on the days that our biggest concerns were making sure the dogs had water. Financial pressures mount with kids, time is at a premium for everyone and aggravation mounts with seemingly limited opportunities for release. Again - that shit is HARD. And again, when it is - don't beat yourself up for getting pissed off or frustrated. You just have to roll with it because there are other times that it's a lot of fun. Battle through and be present, you truly will get out what you put in.

As for raising boys - man, I have to disagree with the 'boys are easy' part. At least for the babies. My girls have been a breeze. They're clever and funny and engaging and manipulative and you can see their little wheels turning constantly. The boy, OTOH, is an idiot. He's spent his entire life to this point actively trying to kill himself. He has no awareness of his surroundings and is 1000 mph at whatever is presently in front of him. He climbs on things, gets all kinds of pissed off when he can't do something is just generally a bowling ball. I'm certain at this point that boys become mama's boys because their fathers are just exasperated by their never-ending stupidity and their mothers spend their first several years defending them and saying "oh he's smarter than you think he is..." No, no he is not. And if he is, it's only because I've set the bar somewhere above houseplant but below goldfish.

Because he's not as manipulative as the girls are, he's also more gregarious but in a generally whorish sort of way. He's just everybody's buddy - well that's all well and good for Grandma and Grandpa but he doesn't act much differently when my wife and I come to pick him up than he does when the pizza guy comes to the door. Well fine then, I'll remember that next time I can either change your diaper now OR let you sit in shit for a few minutes while I finish sanding a tabletop.

Oh who am I kidding - the damn boy will sit in shit and be happy as a clam. Because he's a boy and boys are stupid. I guess this only partially applies to first time parents because they don't know any better - he's your only child so the contrast won't be obvious. But if he's like my boy or my friends boys, he's going to need to be constantly re-directed and entertained because that's just the way boys are.

[Otter]

Congrats bud!

[Buehler445]

@ DJLN description of Boys vs Girls. Perfectly encapsulated my 2 kids. I thought my girl was kind of wild and crazy and then that damned boy happened. I keep telling him, "Head not hammer". Little ****er burns pretty hot.

As far as bonding when they're young, there is to that, but I didn't have quite that harsh of an experience. What was unexpected on my end was how much easier to the first 2 months vs when they get going a little bit. In the beginning, unless they have colic, it's just a matter of keeping it fed, changed and slept. After they figure out that they want things it gets tougher. Then when they figure out object permanence, life starts to suck. I was expecting the first couple months to be tougher.

[staylor26]

Congrats I recently have myself just had our first doctor visit yesterday

[Iowanian]

Every baby is different, every toddler is different and every older kid is different.
Our first baby made us look like rock stars...it gave me a false sense of "see, parenting is easy some of you are just whiners"...she was easy going, didn't cry unless she needed something and was good at melting strangers with her big blue eyes and easy smile. The next kid.....I'd hate to know how many hours I stood beside a crib with my hand on her back so she would sleep, and as soon as I tried to take it off and leave she'd wake up and scream. The last one was in between.

I'll say this though....the first week was pretty easy and then there is some transition that upsets them.

My dad "Pro tips"....if you've got a bawling baby you can't console...try white noise. I learned this at 3am when I was about to lose it and threw a load of barfed on baby clothes into the washing machine....as soon as I turned it on, she stopped crying for the first time in hours. I sat on the floor and slept holding a quiet baby...and when it shut off, she woke up until I turned on the dryer. It worked with all of my kids.
The second is to immediately go buy some gas drops, Mylicon....that shit is magic.

It's not easy....I've laid in a hospital bed with a 3 year old in a burn unit, I've taken kids with broken arms to the ER, but the great things make those things worth it. I've taken kids to practice and games and watched them work and have success and deal with failure. When you think you have it all figured out, there is something new to challenge you as a parent.

Sunday, I knelt off to the side of a wrestling mat with my 8 year old on my knee...he was sweaty, and bruised and scraped and was learning how to deal with the emotions of coming close to a goal...and losing a match that knocked him out of a state invite. Figuring out how to make them good humans who learn from that crap isn't easy and it's gut wrenching to watch them deal with that.....and the social shit at school they have to learn to deal with.

.....and then when you're having the feels about all of their hard work and bruised head.....you get a call from his teacher the next morning letting you know she found a note he gave another kid telling him to "suck a dick".

.....the real challenge in parenting might be not laughing when you're supposed to be angry....and chewing a boys ass because you can't say that shit.....when the truth is "hey son, there are going to be a thousand times in your life that this is an appropriate response.....just not in 3rd grade"

Good luck man.

[Fish]

Parenting:

can't turn away for one second from r/WTF