I discovered tonight that my family name is a lie.

[Hammock Parties]

A fellow Chiefs fan who started following me on twitter long ago and I have the same last name. There are lots of Wendlers, though. Jim Wendler is a famous powerlifter, his fame surpassing even mine. So I thought it was just a fun coincidence, mostly.

Until tonight.


For whatever reason I got curious when I saw my fellow Wendler tweeting tonight, looked at his profile, and noticed he lives in Springfield, MO. This is not far from where my grandfather was born (Freistatt, MO) and lived.

So I asked my dad if grandpa had any brothers.

Turns out he did have a brother...and several half brothers.


So I messaged this dude and asked him about family history, and he says his dad's family is from Stotts City, MO and Mt Vernon, MO....which is eerily close to where my grandpa was not only born (see above), but lived for decades (Monett, MO).

Turns out this dude had a FAMILY TREE all printed out just laying in his desk, and he starts sending me photos. My grandfather actually isn't on it, BUT someone with the SAME MIDDLE NAME AS ME is.

Freistatt and Monett are all over this tree. This has to be the same family.


I send the photo to my dad, who immediately identifies his own grandfather by his first name. Then he reveals his dad (my grandpa) had a falling out with my great grandfather and they were estranged for decades, never reconciling, my grandpa even refusing to go to his funeral.

This is because my great grandfather was a douchebag who divorced my great grandmother for a younger woman during the depression, resulting in her basically working herself to death. Which, presumably, is why my grandpa isn't on the family tree.


THEN this dude sends me ANOTHER photo of the tree dating back five generations to Germany. It shows the origin of my family name.

When someone named Wendler married someone named Christianshatz.


Only thing is...the Wendler is female.


Apparently, Henry Christianshatz was so ashamed of his last name, when he married Anna Wendler, he decided to take her name.

So, by all rights....my Wendler family name should not exist.

Furthermore, my great grandfather was a douchebag, further casting shame upon the name. But the odds are I'm not reproducing anyway, meaning the family name dies with me. But it should already be dead, if you examine all the evidence.


So you can call me Clay Christianshatz from now on.

It's pronounced Christian-SHITS. Which...in many ways...is the perfect last name for me.


Hey, at least it's legit.