I discovered tonight that my family name is a lie.

[Hammock Parties]

A fellow Chiefs fan who started following me on twitter long ago and I have the same last name. There are lots of Wendlers, though. Jim Wendler is a famous powerlifter, his fame surpassing even mine. So I thought it was just a fun coincidence, mostly.

Until tonight.


For whatever reason I got curious when I saw my fellow Wendler tweeting tonight, looked at his profile, and noticed he lives in Springfield, MO. This is not far from where my grandfather was born (Freistatt, MO) and lived.

So I asked my dad if grandpa had any brothers.

Turns out he did have a brother...and several half brothers.


So I messaged this dude and asked him about family history, and he says his dad's family is from Stotts City, MO and Mt Vernon, MO....which is eerily close to where my grandpa was not only born (see above), but lived for decades (Monett, MO).

Turns out this dude had a FAMILY TREE all printed out just laying in his desk, and he starts sending me photos. My grandfather actually isn't on it, BUT someone with the SAME MIDDLE NAME AS ME is.

Freistatt and Monett are all over this tree. This has to be the same family.


I send the photo to my dad, who immediately identifies his own grandfather by his first name. Then he reveals his dad (my grandpa) had a falling out with my great grandfather and they were estranged for decades, never reconciling, my grandpa even refusing to go to his funeral.

This is because my great grandfather was a douchebag who divorced my great grandmother for a younger woman during the depression, resulting in her basically working herself to death. Which, presumably, is why my grandpa isn't on the family tree.


THEN this dude sends me ANOTHER photo of the tree dating back five generations to Germany. It shows the origin of my family name.

When someone named Wendler married someone named Christianshatz.


Only thing is...the Wendler is female.


Apparently, Henry Christianshatz was so ashamed of his last name, when he married Anna Wendler, he decided to take her name.

So, by all rights....my Wendler family name should not exist.

Furthermore, my great grandfather was a douchebag, further casting shame upon the name. But the odds are I'm not reproducing anyway, meaning the family name dies with me. But it should already be dead, if you examine all the evidence.


So you can call me Clay Christianshatz from now on.

It's pronounced Christian-SHITS. Which...in many ways...is the perfect last name for me.


Hey, at least it's legit.

[SPchief]

Originally Posted by Hammock Parties

So this guy's grandpa and my grandpa were brothers.

What does this make us?

Close enough on the tree that you can't marry him.

[Kman34]

My mother in law is from Monett and Father in law is from Pierce City which is right by Monett.. Small world...

[Hammock Parties]

this dude even looks like me

[phisherman]

Originally Posted by Hammock Parties

Did you know that I dumped my ex-ex-GF, who did not live through a depression, but lived with it, for a younger woman?

Family blood runs deep.

Ha! Same story in my family tree many times over. A lot of my paternal family is from around that same area, Pierce City. Some of them moved to Monett and Mt. Vernon over the years.

[neech]

Would you have rather learned this truth or keep with the lie?

[Hammock Parties]

Originally Posted by New World Order

Second cousins

****in' a

[mlyonsd]

Originally Posted by Hammock Parties

According to the chart, a ton of them.

Maybe I should go have a seance, or bust out the Weuija board and see if some creepy shit happens.

The wife and I had a private session with a medium in Omaha last weekend. I was skeptical going into it but now I just feel bad for agnostics that think once you're dead it's over.

[RealSNR]

Shatz? I assume an Americanized version of Schatz.

I would ask if you're Jewish, but the "Christian" part of "Christianshatz" kinda shoots that idea down.

[Hammock Parties]

Originally Posted by neech

Would you have rather learned this truth or keep with the lie?

i am fascinated by the deep conspiracy and wanton scandal behind my family name

i hope the christianshatz name lives on elsewhere because our name is cursed and completely unworthy

[Hammock Parties]

Originally Posted by RealSNR

Shatz? I assume an Americanized version of Schatz.

I would ask if you're Jewish, but the "Christian" part of "Christianshatz" kinda shoots that idea down.

ACTUALLY

I also learned that the family was Jewish, converted to Lutheran, and then thanks to my grandmother, Jehovah's Witness.

Christian Shits, indeed. All over the place.

[Discuss Thrower]

Originally Posted by New World Order

Second cousins

errrrrrrr I'm wrong

[Johnny Vegas]

You gotta be Christianshatzin me

[cabletech94]

my kiddo goes to camp barnabas in purdy missouri, right near purdy and pierce city.

dear god, i hope there aren't any christianshitz at camp.

[neech]

Unless you plan on going into the witness protection program I suppose you could change your name.

It would be a big hassle though, you could do it I have faith in you.

[Hammock Parties]

Originally Posted by cabletech94

dear god, i hope there aren't any christianshitz at camp.

if the guy named christianshitz was actually humble enough to take his wife's name, i'm guessing the bad genes come entirely from the wendler side of the family

so in true wendler misogynistic fashion, i'm blaming this all on a woman