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Old 09-27-2019, 02:12 PM   #1
Iowanian Iowanian is offline
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It's been a while since I've spent much time in Dive bars, but you're missing something.

It was my experience that all good dive bars have the bent up white condom machine in the bathroom with key scratched names, sketchy condoms that can't work and little tablet porn.

The also require a regular named Tiffany or Tina. You'll know her. She's probably a little overweight, is top heavy, her hair is blonde and curly and a little stained with cigarette stains. She has the phlegm crack when she laughs and she knows what's going on in that place.
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Old 09-27-2019, 02:14 PM   #2
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"Insert Baby For Refund" scratched into a condom machine is a good sign.
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Old 09-27-2019, 02:20 PM   #3
Graystoke Graystoke is offline
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The also require a regular named Tiffany or Tina. You'll know her. She's probably a little overweight, is top heavy, her hair is blonde and curly and a little stained with cigarette stains. She has the phlegm crack when she laughs and she knows what's going on in that place.
You know my Sister?
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Old 09-27-2019, 02:22 PM   #4
Iowanian Iowanian is offline
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You know my Sister?

Does she have an appendix scar and a stetch mark on her milk jug shaped like the nation of Uganda?


Never seen her. I wasn't even there saturday. We're just friends.
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Old 09-27-2019, 02:30 PM   #5
Graystoke Graystoke is offline
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Does she have an appendix scar and a stetch mark on her milk jug shaped like the nation of Uganda?


Never seen her. I wasn't even there saturday. We're just friends.
Family picnic Sunday at 2pm.
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Old 09-27-2019, 02:15 PM   #6
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Old 09-27-2019, 02:19 PM   #7
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Old 09-27-2019, 02:22 PM   #8
stumppy stumppy is offline
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Yea, that place is too big and too nice to be a dive bar. Let alone all the food they serve.

Dive bars serve little to no food. Unless you count the big jar of pickled eggs
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Old 09-27-2019, 02:54 PM   #9
Bearcat Bearcat is offline
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There was a place on Main in KC... Davey's, I think? One of the very few places that made a real LIIT, where a couple would knock you on your ass... and they had good live music.

Only went there a few times, but it seemed like the perfect dive bar.
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Old 09-27-2019, 03:05 PM   #10
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There was a place on Main in KC... Davey's, I think? One of the very few places that made a real LIIT, where a couple would knock you on your ass... and they had good live music.

Only went there a few times, but it seemed like the perfect dive bar.
Lived on Armour Blvd near Davey's while attending UMKC and it definitely fits the bill. Anytime you're situated between a tattoo shop (Exile) and a porn shop with peeps (Ray's) you're legit.

Also, a bloody mary is the closest a tr00 dive comes to serving food y'all.
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Old 09-27-2019, 03:15 PM   #11
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Lived on Armour Blvd near Davey's while attending UMKC and it definitely fits the bill. Anytime you're situated between a tattoo shop (Exile) and a porn shop with peeps (Ray's) you're legit.

Also, a bloody mary is the closest a tr00 dive comes to serving food y'all.
What about crock pot chili or ball park franks served on a dirty table as the only food of the day?

The Coach House in Scottsdale fits that bill and also opens at 6am.
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Old 09-27-2019, 03:20 PM   #12
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What about crock pot chili or ball park franks served on a dirty table as the only food of the day?

The Coach House in Scottsdale fits that bill and also opens at 6am.
Yeah, ad hoc food supplied by ownership/staff is acceptable. A dedicated kitchen is disqualified though, imo. People there to drink.
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Old 09-27-2019, 03:12 PM   #13
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I don't associate a dive bar with food at all. It should be a smoky, dirty bar with hard drinking folks looking to get laid. The name of the bar should be "The Dive Bar". Or even better, no name at all. More mysterious that way.
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Old 09-27-2019, 03:39 PM   #14
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Old 09-27-2019, 03:40 PM   #15
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Louise's West is the perfect dive bar.
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