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Old 07-26-2007, 09:44 PM  
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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WHITLOCK: If you believe Priest is back …
The dude is a machine. Mad props, Jason!

http://www.kansascity.com/sports/chi...ry/207210.html

Overshadowed by Pawn Holmes’ announcement that he plans to return to the Chiefs were shocking developments in Jared Allen’s contract negotiations with the Chiefs.

Carl Peterson released a second statement Wednesday afternoon, divulging that Bobby Bell, Neil Smith and Art Still also informed the Chiefs they planned to report to training camp on Saturday and restart their playing careers.

Here are a few excerpts from the second press release:

•Bobby said he began contemplating a return after studying tape of Kendrell Bell’s 2006 season and learning of Kendrell’s salary.

“We see Bobby as a third-down pass rusher,” Peterson explained. “He’s a unique individual we should never count out. Also, given Bobby’s advanced age, it’s important that fans realize Bobby can fly to road games at a senior, discounted rate. With the way gas prices are today, the savings that we’ll realize over the course of a 16-game schedule could easily run into the 10s and 20s of dollars.”

Coach Herm Edwards added: “We’ll take it very slow with Bobby. The first thing we’ll need to do is make sure we have plenty of oatmeal and prune juice in River Falls. We’ll have a port-a-potty go with Bobby from drill to drill in case he needs to relieve himself.”

•Neil said he started thinking about a comeback when the Brigade lost in the first round of the AFL playoffs. He said the embarrassing loss reminded him of his days with the Chiefs.

“We see Neil as a third-down pass rusher,” Peterson explained. “Neil has incredible tenacity and a never-give-up spirit that will help our football team. We understand that Neil is going back into the restaurant business.

“Personally, I found Copeland’s to be terrific. Denny Thum and I sat down with Neil, conferred with chefs in Kansas City and Miami, and we all agreed that Neil should serve the Chiefs in two capacities. We reached an agreement for Neil to cater all team meals.

“This agreement puts us ahead of the rest of the league. We can now eliminate per diems for all employees when we’re on the road. Cajun food is a lot of rice and seafood. Well, as you know, rice is very inexpensive, and Neil likes to fish. Neil will have all Fridays off, and he and I will spend those afternoons fishing at Brush Creek on The Plaza. We invite all Chiefs fans to join us.”

Edwards added: “We’ll take it very slow with Neil. Most pregame meals will be some sort of etouffee. Don’t get it twisted, Neil makes a wonderful etouffee. It’s his mama’s recipe from what I understand.

“Yes, an etouffee can make a man a little gassy, but that’s the beauty of playing at an outstanding outdoor facility. With crowd noise, TV microphones won’t pick up a sound and with the right wind conditions the opposition might have trouble breathing. You know the old cliché, the smeller’s the feller.”

•Art said he first considered a comeback when he heard the disturbing news that Ryan Sims still had trade value after his five-year, five-sack stint in Kansas City.

“We see Art as a third-down pass rusher,” Peterson explained. “Since Marty Schottenheimer left and with the softening of season-ticket sales, we’ve been looking for great defensive players who can excel in front of empty seats and when the team is out of the playoff race by November. Art’s signing might inspire Albert Lewis, Deron Cherry, Bill Maas, Kevin Ross and Dino Hackett to consider rejoining us. Plus, as everyone knows, Art was always in excellent condition.

“Art will double as our strength and conditioning coach. Actually, we’re going to fire the entire staff. Art will lead us in prepractice calisthenics, postpractice weightlifting and all conditioning drills. He’ll do the job of three men, and we’ll pass these savings along to the Hunt family in hopes that they will extend my contract.”

Edwards added: “We’ll take it very slow with Art. Where I think he’ll have instant impact is with jumping jacks and bear crawls. You’d be amazed at how many players don’t know how to do a proper jumping jack.”

•With these signings, the Chiefs have scheduled a Sept. 23 Super Bowl ring ceremony for their home opener.

“Of course, Bobby and Neil are Super Bowl winners and have three Super Bowl rings between them,” Peterson explained.

“These fine men have donated their rings to me, and we’ll cut the rings into 53 pieces and give every man on our roster a piece of a Super Bowl ring. We’ll show highlights of Bobby’s and Neil’s Super Bowl exploits on the Jumbotron. We will digitally manipulate Neil’s Broncos uniform to look like a Chiefs uniform, and you’ll see me standing along the Denver sideline in a black leather trench coat celebrating like I had nothing to do with choosing Elvis Grbac over Rich Gannon.”
Last edited by Hammock Parties; 07-26-2007 at 10:00 PM..
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Old 07-26-2007, 09:47 PM   #2
crazycoffey crazycoffey is offline
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you got to be kidding me......


you fat ****ing hack!
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Old 07-26-2007, 09:47 PM   #3
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Old 07-26-2007, 09:47 PM   #4
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read the first paragraph and i got tired of it.
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Old 07-26-2007, 09:50 PM   #5
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why don't you post the entire article
Wjitlock could get fired for this crap.
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Old 07-26-2007, 09:50 PM   #6
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Old 07-26-2007, 09:51 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bringbackmarty
why don't you post the entire article
Wjitlock could get fired for this crap.
Whitlock won't get fired for this crap. All of his editors have already seen it.
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Old 07-26-2007, 09:51 PM   #8
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Old 07-26-2007, 09:52 PM   #9
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CrazyCoffey
If you believe J Whit is a writer.....
Whitlock is an outstanding writer. He's got every Chiefs fan wrapped around his little finger, scurrying off to see what he writes every week. Now that's power.
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Old 07-26-2007, 09:53 PM   #10
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Old 07-26-2007, 09:53 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CrazyCoffey
If you believe J Whit is a writer.....
Fatlock at it again eh?
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Old 07-26-2007, 09:54 PM   #12
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Little bit too much Rufus Dawesesque for me. But I stopped reading after the second paragraph. The Pawn Holmes thing just isn't working for me, it's like watching an episode of "Joey". And I never watched an episode of that.
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Old 07-26-2007, 09:54 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by GOATSE
Whitlock is an outstanding writer. He's got every Chiefs fan wrapped around his little finger, scurrying off to see what he writes every week. Now that's power.

He's a horrible writer, and I for one chief fan, am not "scurrying" to see what he writes, you posted this crap....
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Old 07-26-2007, 09:55 PM   #14
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Originally Posted by CrazyCoffey
He's a horrible writer, and I for one chief fan, am not "scurrying" to see what he writes, you posted this crap....
You saw his name on the thread and you clicked it. You wanted to see what Whitlock had to say. Admit it.
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Old 07-26-2007, 09:55 PM   #15
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I think JoPo is a much better comedic writer when he tries than JWhit
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