Anyone ever had to kick their kid out of the house?

[Mecca]

My step son is veering dangerously close to this. His mom is already wanting him out...is there even remotely a good way to go about this?

[LongSufferingToady]

Seems like there are only 3 choices here if the kid wants to stay in the house:
- Get a job
- Go to college
- Join the military

If not, evict him. And after the 30 day notice make sure you have the police show up to escort him out.

And document everything!

[Bugeater]

Originally Posted by RubberSponge

Well that was you.

The was no real hope for you any way.

Touché



I will say that her punching me sent far more of a message than kicking me out did. The realization that I had driven her to the point that she would do that was quite a reality check.

[-King-]

No offense, but to me it sounds like you guys enabled him to the point he got like this and now you're taking the easy way out.

How does he have credit cards, a car, I'm a assuming a cell phone, etc. if he couldn't hold down a job? If you guys paid for all those, how was he to ever learn responsibility or accountability?

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Bearcat

Just one person of course, but my brother was homeless for a while and then got his shit together pretty quickly... he had found a place to stay after my parents were over it, but relied on a few roommates for rent, and I believe got evicted when they bailed. He's had a full time job ever since.

Sister was incredibly lazy, had a kid, and shaped up/grew up real quick.

I obviously don't know this kid at all, but a lot of people are only lazy shitheads because they have the safety net of taking advantage of everyone else. Take away the safety net and they get off their lazy ass and grow up.

And if they don't, well... they would be living with you forever.

Slayer was on the streets? I liked that kid. I'm glad he's doing well.

[Abba-Dabba]

Originally Posted by Bearcat

Just one person of course, but my brother was homeless for a while and then got his shit together pretty quickly... he had found a place to stay after my parents were over it, but relied on a few roommates for rent, and I believe got evicted when they bailed. He's had a full time job ever since.

Sister was incredibly lazy, had a kid, and shaped up/grew up real quick.

I obviously don't know this kid at all, but a lot of people are only lazy shitheads because they have the safety net of taking advantage of everyone else. Take away the safety net and they get off their lazy ass and grow up.

And if they don't, well... they would be living with you forever.

That is a outlier. He could have easily found himself under a bridge with a growing meth addiction and future spiraled in homelessness.

We are talking about a kid who is struggling in some way right now. My point is adding the enormous struggle of being homeless does not help like most would think it would. Tough love can be tough and have adverse outcomes.

[BigCatDaddy]

He will whip your ass, brah. Better have Billay do it.

[Abba-Dabba]

I do think he does need the military. That would be the great option. Sounds like a kid who hasn't had the best direction in life. Maybe a little forced discipline would be best for him.

[ThaVirus]

Yeah, this is a tough one. I don't even have kids so I don't recommend listening to anything I say..

But kicking him out, as many others have noted, is the nuclear option. There's a good chance he ends up in a worse position and irreparably damages his relationship with his mom (and you). I would consider literally every other course of action before going that route.

[Chris Meck]

Originally Posted by RubberSponge

That is a outlier. He could have easily found himself under a bridge with a growing meth addiction and future spiraled in homelessness.

We are talking about a kid who is struggling in some way right now. My point is adding the enormous struggle of being homeless does not help like most would think it would. Tough love can be tough and have adverse outcomes.

Well, seems to me that there are steps before this one.

Kid doesn't want to work, go to school, or the military.

I'm certain there's a cellphone, video game console-and there's a car, fer ****sake. How does he have a car if he didn't have a job?

Probably too late to take the car. But I'd pay for nothing whatsoever for his entertainment. Tell him he gets a job by the end the month or he's cut off entirely financially. He will pay his own cell bill. If the car is in your names, he will pay for it to be insured, or you'll take it back and sell it. No more free ride.

shouldn't have to do that at 19. I was in a damned hurry to get out of the house myself.

[Peter Gibbons]

Can I assume that tried standard helpful solutions like antifreeze and hitting him with a branch from an AIDS tree? Have you also tried to get him to in with a girl who lived close to you? If all of this has been tried, then I think we’ve exhausted all possible remedies. He must leave. There can be only one.

[Otter]

Originally Posted by Mecca

Dude she would like to strangle him..he's a giant piece of shit to her all the time.

She could literally say "it's nice today" and he's go into a 10 minute diatribe about how stupid she is for thinking that. And then act like she not allowed an opinion...yet if he's ever spoken to about anything important unless you're patting his ass he goes into the "don't yell at me" shit when no one's yelling and throws a pity party..

To be fair also he's super manipulative and a therapist told me he's at best borderline sociopathic.

I was going to inquire as to whether he was forgetting to put the toilet seat down and jobless or selling drugs out of the house but 19 and yelling at Mom.

[Mecca]

Originally Posted by -King-

No offense, but to me it sounds like you guys enabled him to the point he got like this and now you're taking the easy way out.

How does he have credit cards, a car, I'm a assuming a cell phone, etc. if he couldn't hold down a job? If you guys paid for all those, how was he to ever learn responsibility or accountability?

His aunt gave him his car..he pays for his phone and gas by donating plasma. I have never paid for any of that.

He held a part time job at O'Reilly's for 4 months and applied for credit cards...he got his buckle card when he worked there for a month.

[Otter]

Originally Posted by Peter Gibbons

Can I assume that tried standard helpful solutions like antifreeze and hitting him with a branch from an AIDS tree? Have you also tried to get him to in with a girl who lived close to you? If all of this has been tried, then I think we’ve exhausted all possible remedies. He must leave. There can be only one.

As many have in this thread, we've forgotten our roots in the antifreeze and AIDS tree solutions.

Thank you Peter Gibbons for bringing us back to our roots.

[kepp]

Originally Posted by Mecca

Nope, he goes through them like butter cause he won't get up. I got him a job making 17 an hour with lots of OT available lasted 2 weeks...

Yet he has bills, he's maxed credit cards, won't liscense his car, is driving with no insurance.

First thing I'd do is make sure neither you nor his mom are legally or financially linked to him, or he to you. Insurance, credit cards, etc.

It wasn't my kid, but we were allowing a younger friend to stay with us until he got back on his feet. I became obvious he didn't have plans to do that. I drove him to the homeless shelter. Two years later he had a solid, long-term job and was engaged. Sometimes people just need a wake up call.

[Mecca]

Originally Posted by Chris Meck

Well, seems to me that there are steps before this one.

Kid doesn't want to work, go to school, or the military.

I'm certain there's a cellphone, video game console-and there's a car, fer ****sake. How does he have a car if he didn't have a job?

Probably too late to take the car. But I'd pay for nothing whatsoever for his entertainment. Tell him he gets a job by the end the month or he's cut off entirely financially. He will pay his own cell bill. If the car is in your names, he will pay for it to be insured, or you'll take it back and sell it. No more free ride.

shouldn't have to do that at 19. I was in a damned hurry to get out of the house myself.

We pay for nothing...he's supposed to pay us rent actually, him being late with it or quitting a job 2 weeks before is a big reason my wife wants to kick him out cause why baby him for being irresponsible.