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Old 08-14-2019, 09:11 PM  
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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I discovered tonight that my family name is a lie.
A fellow Chiefs fan who started following me on twitter long ago and I have the same last name. There are lots of Wendlers, though. Jim Wendler is a famous powerlifter, his fame surpassing even mine. So I thought it was just a fun coincidence, mostly.

Until tonight.


For whatever reason I got curious when I saw my fellow Wendler tweeting tonight, looked at his profile, and noticed he lives in Springfield, MO. This is not far from where my grandfather was born (Freistatt, MO) and lived.

So I asked my dad if grandpa had any brothers.

Turns out he did have a brother...and several half brothers.


So I messaged this dude and asked him about family history, and he says his dad's family is from Stotts City, MO and Mt Vernon, MO....which is eerily close to where my grandpa was not only born (see above), but lived for decades (Monett, MO).

Turns out this dude had a FAMILY TREE all printed out just laying in his desk, and he starts sending me photos. My grandfather actually isn't on it, BUT someone with the SAME MIDDLE NAME AS ME is.

Freistatt and Monett are all over this tree. This has to be the same family.


I send the photo to my dad, who immediately identifies his own grandfather by his first name. Then he reveals his dad (my grandpa) had a falling out with my great grandfather and they were estranged for decades, never reconciling, my grandpa even refusing to go to his funeral.

This is because my great grandfather was a douchebag who divorced my great grandmother for a younger woman during the depression, resulting in her basically working herself to death. Which, presumably, is why my grandpa isn't on the family tree.


THEN this dude sends me ANOTHER photo of the tree dating back five generations to Germany. It shows the origin of my family name.

When someone named Wendler married someone named Christianshatz.


Only thing is...the Wendler is female.


Apparently, Henry Christianshatz was so ashamed of his last name, when he married Anna Wendler, he decided to take her name.

So, by all rights....my Wendler family name should not exist.

Furthermore, my great grandfather was a douchebag, further casting shame upon the name. But the odds are I'm not reproducing anyway, meaning the family name dies with me. But it should already be dead, if you examine all the evidence.


So you can call me Clay Christianshatz from now on.

It's pronounced Christian-SHITS. Which...in many ways...is the perfect last name for me.


Hey, at least it's legit.
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Old 08-14-2019, 09:52 PM   #31
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Originally Posted by neech View Post
Unless you plan on going into the witness protection program I suppose you could change your name.

It would be a big hassle though, you could do it I have faith in you.
i would never actually do that - i feel my grandfather and father lived good enough lives that the family name has been restored, and i got pioli and kietzman fired and saved mr. flopnuts, so we wendlers are doing better in the last three generations

now i understand why my aunt is on her third husband though - the wendler women are terrible, dating back to the mid-19th century, when they corrupted the pure and noble christianshitz

in fact, i'm guessing anna MADE poor Henry take her name, because she was so embarrassed by his. bitch!
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Old 08-14-2019, 09:52 PM   #32
Simply Red Simply Red is offline
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Originally Posted by Hammock Parties View Post


this dude even looks like me
OMG CUYUUTE!!
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Old 08-14-2019, 09:53 PM   #33
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Old 08-14-2019, 09:57 PM   #34
ThaVirus ThaVirus is offline
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Originally Posted by Hammock Parties View Post
According to the chart, a ton of them.

Maybe I should go have a seance, or bust out the Weuija board and see if some creepy shit happens.
Lol
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Old 08-14-2019, 09:58 PM   #35
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Also, it's worth noting that my grandpa, lifelong Chiefs fan, died in April 2012.

I blame Pioli.
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Old 08-14-2019, 10:05 PM   #36
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Old 08-14-2019, 10:17 PM   #37
TinyEvel TinyEvel is offline
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Originally Posted by Hammock Parties View Post

Furthermore, my great grandfather was a douchebag....

That's all you needed. You are this family, confirmed.
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Old 08-14-2019, 10:20 PM   #38
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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That's all you needed. You are this family, confirmed.
There is still Christianshatz in me.

Speaking of which, I need to take a dump.
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Old 08-14-2019, 10:22 PM   #39
Tribal Warfare Tribal Warfare is offline
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Old 08-14-2019, 10:29 PM   #40
ReynardMuldrake ReynardMuldrake is offline
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Lol
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Old 08-14-2019, 10:59 PM   #41
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Old 08-14-2019, 11:00 PM   #42
Baby Lee Baby Lee is offline
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According to the chart, a ton of them.

Maybe I should go have a seance, or bust out the Weuija board and see if some creepy shit happens.
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Originally Posted by ThaVirus View Post
Lol

via GIPHY

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Old 08-14-2019, 11:02 PM   #43
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Upon reflection, I find myself suddenly concerned that, back in the day, Great Grandpaw Christianshits knew every damn Grandma in Missouri?

Hell, man ... for all we know, half this board could be closet Christianshits.

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Old 08-14-2019, 11:14 PM   #44
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Old 08-14-2019, 11:21 PM   #45
T-post Tom T-post Tom is offline
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