Life Divorce.... - Page 20

baitism · 07-14-2018, 01:08 AM

Well, yeah it sucks. Could someone who has been through a divorce with a spouse that was cheating send me a PM? Kansas laws. I need to get the hell out of this situation and could use some advice. Thanks.

ChiefsHawk · 07-19-2018, 05:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevieray

Some things should be sacred.

JMO.

You carry your wife's purse everywhere you two go don't you..

ChiefsHawk · 07-19-2018, 05:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rico

This is a thought provoking post.

I see what you mean and it’s not a bad point because I made it come off that way. It’s not like our relationship was/is solely based on her waking me up with her butt in my face. There is more to it. And she didn’t totally lose the glow from the first couple years, it’s just back then she idolized me because I was the local powerhouse wrestling team’s captain and she was a cheerleader for a rival school and she thought I was hot and funny. She’s always thought I was/am funny. It’s like when we met, a lot of these cheerleaders had crushes on me and the look I described I guess could be considered a flirty expression...I know the expression. I hadn’t seen that flirty expression in years. When you get to know someone and date them long enough, you start not really seeing the need to flirt. You get passed that stage. You get comfortable and used to it. And her flirty face came back. It was nostalgic and nice to see. I felt 18 again.

The way I look at it, we both have our qualities, both have areas we need to work on, both have areas where we are mutually awesome together and both have areas where we can be toxic together. I don’t think there is a good/bad guy or a good/bad gal in our situation. She’s very funny, selfless, caring, nice, etc. I won’t get into the things I think she needs to improve. I will save that for counseling. I make her laugh to this day, I’ve been working out, I provide, I take care of the bills, I care for her beyond words, I’m loyal and literally only have eyes for her...don’t even watch porn, I am generally nice. However, I upset her when I get distracted with things not related to the family. 3rd shift can also make me short and cranky...I hate it. I can be argumentative when it’s not necessary. I get jealous. There are things I can work on. Together we excel at raising our kids, having fun, being fun to be around, telling each other constantly that we love each other, conversation in general...we are best friends. However, the toxicity from us as a duo shows its face at times...we shouldn’t drink together. We spend too much time on our phones at times. We have a difficult time letting go of the past. We argue. We make assumptions. Things took a nasty turn when we both began taking each other for granted... that’s when I think things imploded.

I am optimistic that we can fix all of this. I reallllly wanna get off 3rd shift. We’ve been doing good lately. Been working out together, fishing, camping, etc. Need to keep the positive momentum going.

Not saying it's the only issue but it sounds like a lot of your problems/issues come from your work/shift. If possible I think i'd consider changes if possible

stevieray · 07-19-2018, 06:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChiefsHawk

You carry your wife's purse everywhere you two go don't you..

no, but I open doors for her.

rico · 07-19-2018, 07:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChiefsHawk

Not saying it's the only issue but it sounds like a lot of your problems/issues come from your work/shift. If possible I think i'd consider changes if possible

Oh my goodness you are on to something there. It is the single most detrimental thing to our relationship right now, IMO. I never get sleep. I hate the hours. I get grouchy and short with people (and I'm a nice guy) and worst of all, her and I are social people...I can't freaking stand it when she goes out to do something while I am at work. That is when my wheels turn and I get pissy as hell...always imagining the worst case scenario, when its never the case. It drives me nuts and it affects my job performance. I should get on 1st shift in one more year. One more year of this 3rd shift bullshit.

**lewdog** · 07-19-2018, 07:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rico

Oh my goodness you are on to something there. It is the single most detrimental thing to our relationship right now, IMO. I never get sleep. I hate the hours. I get grouchy and short with people (and I'm a nice guy) and worst of all, her and I are social people...I can't freaking stand it when she goes out to do something while I am at work. That is when my wheels turn and I get pissy as hell...always imagining the worst case scenario, when its never the case. It drives me nuts and it affects my job performance. I should get on 1st shift in one more year. One more year of this 3rd shift bullshit.

Is the pay difference for 3rd shift significant?

I’d be changing regardless. Seems to make you and her unhappy.

raybec 4 · 07-19-2018, 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rico

Oh my goodness you are on to something there. It is the single most detrimental thing to our relationship right now, IMO. I never get sleep. I hate the hours. I get grouchy and short with people (and I'm a nice guy) and worst of all, her and I are social people...I can't freaking stand it when she goes out to do something while I am at work. That is when my wheels turn and I get pissy as hell...always imagining the worst case scenario, when its never the case. It drives me nuts and it affects my job performance. I should get on 1st shift in one more year. One more year of this 3rd shift bullshit.

Going to first shift is fine, but it won't fix your trust issues.

rico · 07-19-2018, 07:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lewdog

Is the pay difference for 3rd shift significant?

I’d be changing regardless. Seems to make you and her unhappy.

It does make her and I both unhappy. Problem is, I have to wait for someone to retire to get on. I’m like 2nd in line now.

The shift differential is like .75... totally worth switching.

Another problem...my dad is the foreman of day shift. This is a plant that is high paying and hires a bunch of badass, efficient workers...tons of employees. And my dad is an assertive enough guy to be The foreman of first shift. A total hardass. Intimidating. He knows what I’ve gone through with 3rd though and he said he’d get me on, regardless if people bitch about nepotism.

rico · 07-19-2018, 07:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raybec 4

Going to first shift is fine, but it won't fix your trust issues.

I guarantee you it will. Because I won’t be working at night anymore. It’s different having this situation on 3rd shift, trust me. I have thought about this ALOT.

**loochy** · 07-19-2018, 07:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rico

It does make her and I both unhappy. Problem is, I have to wait for someone to retire to get on. I’m like 2nd in line now.

The shift differential is like .75... totally worth switching.

Another problem...my dad is the foreman of day shift. This is a plant that is high paying and hires a bunch of badass, efficient workers...tons of employees. And my dad is an assertive enough guy to be The foreman of first shift. A total hardass. Intimidating. He knows what I’ve gone through with 3rd though and he said he’d get me on, regardless if people bitch about nepotism.

Just Tonya Harding someone into disability.
Posted via Mobile Device

rico · 07-19-2018, 07:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loochy

Just Tonya Harding someone into disability.
Posted via Mobile Device

Yeah, 4 spots will open in about a year. I’ll get there.

stevieray · 07-19-2018, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rico

I guarantee you it will. Because I won’t be working at night anymore. It’s different having this situation on 3rd shift, trust me. I have thought about this ALOT.

eh, worried about her when she goes out is based on fear....are you afraid she;s going to cheat, or is it you think she'll find someone better?

rico · 07-19-2018, 07:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevieray

eh, worried about her when she goes out is based on fear....are you afraid she;s going to cheat, or is it you think she'll find someone better?

I have my reasons.

stevieray · 07-19-2018, 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rico

I have my reasons.

Nothing wrong with a little bit of jealousy, but if jumps over to paranoid, and you act on that, you're gonna piss her off.

raybec 4 · 07-19-2018, 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rico

I have my reasons.

That was my point, being together all the time in the evening will fix the symptom. It won't fix the underlying issue of you not feeling like she can be out without you.

rico · 07-19-2018, 08:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevieray

Nothing wrong with a little bit of jealousy, but if jumps over to paranoid, and you act on that, you're gonna piss her off.

Dude...it just doesn’t work out. It’s something I don’t want to get into on here. I really do have my reasons to not like it.

07-14-2018, 01:08 AM
baitism Starter Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Overland Park, KS Casino cash: $5149551	Divorce.... Well, yeah it sucks. Could someone who has been through a divorce with a spouse that was cheating send me a PM? Kansas laws. I need to get the hell out of this situation and could use some advice. Thanks.
Posts: 124