When do you have a "talk" with your child's Coach?

[Mile High Mania]

Also, competitive leagues at the age of 8 are a different ballgame if you’re talking like select soccer level. If that’s it and you’re paying big dollars for 8 year old soccer, let it play out.

My daughter played volleyball from K-12, spent 6 years at the competitive club level. There were many times my head wanted to explode. The kid has to want to change abs the kid has to be the one to talk to the coach. After that, then you can talk to the coach.

If your kid isn’t ready for that, don’t play at that level… he’ll, he’s 8.

[Holladay]

I felt the same way with my kids and soccer. So I became a Coach and ruled our league.
I did play the game in HS, so I had an edge.

[petegz28]

Originally Posted by Holladay

I felt the same way with my kids and soccer. So I became a Coach and ruled our league.
I did play the game in HS, so I had an edge.

Maybe we got a bit spoiled. His first coach was awesome and loved to work with and teach the kids. We had him for 3 seasons. Then we moved up and had another really good coach. Then his last 2 seasons he got some bad ones, first timers. We switched leagues this last year because the coach he had was more worried about her soccer career than coaching the kids. This guy we have now I think is genuinely well intentioned but very inexperienced. Especially when it comes to dealing with younger kids.

[DJay23]

As a middle school teacher I can tell you from experience that snowplow parenting is real. You are only talking about it here, but resist the urge to clear the path for your child. It is RUINING this generation. Parent your child on how to deal with adversity and to continue working hard.

[Hailchief]

lost me at my son is 8 years old and playing competitive soccer. lol

[scho63]

The day BEFORE your kid is now totally embarrassed, ashamed and ostracized because his parents whined to the coach that "you aren't playing my kid enough".

[Lzen]

Originally Posted by petegz28

So my Son is 8 years old and playing in competitive soccer. I will be the first to admit that on his team of 9 he probably ranks 6th or 7th. Maybe 5th on a good day. He is disciplined, works hard, knows his game but is just one of the slower kids and not the strongest shooter. Usually plays Left or Right Back.

The Coach has had a tendency to play him less than the others and generally I am okay with that because at times he plays quite a bit. Then some things happened and I am not real sure how to approach it.

In a tournament we won our first 2 games and were an automatic lock for the finals. The 3rd game literally meant absolutely nothing. My Son's Coach decided to play the "best players" into the ground and my Son got to play all of 10 minutes of a 50 minute game in a game that meant literally nothing. I was pissed but said nothing.

Then tonight at practice the Coach handed out MVP Pins to 5 of of the 8 kids that were there and one to a kid who was practicing with us but not on our team. He said they "tried hard" the last game. The irony is my Son played most of the last game and more than just about anyone else, and one of the kids that didn't get a pin had 2 goals. So the "they tried hard" crap doesn't seem to make sense.

I thought that was a pretty shitty way to handle that situation as we had 2 subs that game, it was very hot and all the kids played their ass off and we won 7-1.

Our Coach is 22, and it's his first year coaching a team. I try to keep that in mind. I also have to keep in mind that if I piss him off he could plant my Son on the bench the rest of the season. Also with tryouts for next season coming up in a couple of weeks, I'd hate to do something to jeopardize my Son.

On the other hand, I see it as I am paying good $'s to play in this league and a dick move is a dick move.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

My son was on a football team when he was 2nd/3rd grade. The league actually had a rule that the kids were guaranteed at least 6 plays per game. You could tell that the coach didn't mind letting the lesser players (like my son) play when the team was winning handily. Then we got into games that were close.

One game, it was getting toward the end and my son had only gotten like 2 STs plays the whole entire game. I knew that there was most likely not enough time for my son to get his plays in so I just started letting the coach have it. The jackhole tried to say that my son had gotten his plays but I knew that was not true.

For all of those that want to make negative comments, think about this. My son worked his butt off. He was at practice every day when even some of the star players weren't. He worked his butt off every practice. This was not a high school team that you try out for; it was a league set up specifically, with the guaranteed 6 plays, to at least let the lesser players get a chance to play in games. But then you get coaches like this douche that didn't care. He wanted to win no matter the cost. People like that don't deserve to be coaches, IMO.

All that being said, pete's situation may be different.

[TribalElder]

Everybody gets a trophy

[Iowanian]

This seems like a good place to say, that if I ever found myself upset about soccer....I'd punch myself in the dickhole.

[DJ's left nut]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

This seems like a good place to say, that if I ever found myself upset about soccer....I'd punch myself in the dickhole.

Kids soccer, as much as I hate the game in general, is actually pretty fun. They develop FAST. From a game to game basis you can see them figuring things out.

Same daughter's soccer team is GOOD. They've given up 3 goals all year (zero through the first 5 games), and score something like 5/gm. They've just played together for awhile so they know each other. But I saw one of their girls last week have a ball getting away from her towards the opposing box, she ran it down and does a little pop stop on top of the ball with one foot, uses that foot to pivot over top of the ball, comes down in front of it and in one motion pirouette's to make a pass with her other foot right into the middle of the box where another teammate knew to be heading when she saw the play developing. Bam - right off the far post and in. It was an incredible play.

12 months ago she'd have tripped over the ball.

Honestly my daugher is probably about like Pete's kid - middle of the pack. In that same game she made a real nice move to get through the middle, got it down the sideline, created a clean breakaway and then tripped over her foot trying to change direction and get the ball to the middle. But at the same time, she was a clear tier below average last season and has probably improved more than any girl on the squad this year. She's not with the top 3/4 girls still, but she's firmly near the top of the middle group. And that's been a blast to watch that development this year. I was worried I wouldn't be able to let her move up with this team next year and I'm not concerned about that at all now. Because she just kept improving and that's pretty much the point.

Hell, even playing with her is fun now because she'll forearm shiver the hell out of me to create space and retain the ball. She's just learning how to play. And I really like her coach on this team a lot. Because he's done what he's supposed to do - he's teaching the girls how to play the game. And when you see them out there laughing at some squad they're rolling because it's a new team, he'll sit them down and remind them that last year THEY were the ones getting housed.

I enjoy youth soccer a ton more than I thought I would.

[The Franchise]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

Kids soccer, as much as I hate the game in general, is actually pretty fun. They develop FAST. From a game to game basis you can see them figuring things out.

Same daughter's soccer team is GOOD. They've given up 3 goals all year (zero through the first 5 games), and score something like 5/gm. They've just played together for awhile so they know each other. But I saw one of their girls last week have a ball getting away from her towards the opposing box, she ran it down and does a little pop stop on top of the ball with one foot, uses that foot to pivot over top of the ball, comes down in front of it and in one motion pirouette's to make a pass with her other foot right into the middle of the box where another teammate knew to be heading when she saw the play developing. Bam - right off the far post and in. It was an incredible play.

12 months ago she'd have tripped over the ball.

Honestly my daugher is probably about like Pete's kid - middle of the pack. In that same game she made a real nice move to get through the middle, got it down the sideline, created a clean breakaway and then tripped over her foot trying to change direction and get the ball to the middle. But at the same time, she was a clear tier below average last season and has probably improved more than any girl on the squad this year. She's not with the top 3/4 girls still, but she's firmly near the top of the middle group. And that's been a blast to watch that development this year. I was worried I wouldn't be able to let her move up with this team next year and I'm not concerned about that at all now. Because she just kept improving and that's pretty much the point.

Hell, even playing with her is fun now because she'll forearm shiver the hell out of me to create space and retain the ball. She's just learning how to play. And I really like her coach on this team a lot. Because he's done what he's supposed to do - he's teaching the girls how to play the game. And when you see them out there laughing at some squad they're rolling because it's a new team, he'll sit them down and remind them that last year THEY were the ones getting housed.

I enjoy youth soccer a ton more than I thought I would.

Same with my daughter who’s 11. She’s grown so much in the last year at this new club that she loves the game again. We moved clubs because her coach before this had her regressing after a year.

There are shit coaches. People don’t seem to understand that. This isn’t rec soccer where you paid a $50 fee and you should just suck it up. This coach that Pete is talking about could cause his son to either lose interest in the game or cause his skills to decline if he isn’t teaching him anything. Pete has a right to be pissed.

[DJ's left nut]

Originally Posted by The Franchise

Same with my daughter who’s 11. She’s grown so much in the last year at this new club that she loves the game again. We moved clubs because her coach before this had her regressing after a year.

There are shit coaches. People don’t seem to understand that. This isn’t rec soccer where you paid a $50 fee and you should just suck it up. This coach that Pete is talking about could cause his son to either lose interest in the game or cause his skills to decline if he isn’t teaching him anything. Pete has a right to be pissed.

My twins coach (4 yrs old) is just such a coach. He's awful.

But there's a little boy on that team who's just a monster. Incredible player. Early in the year he was just rolling over everyone, scoring every goal. The games were pretty awful because the other team couldn't even get it past midfield before he'd steal it and score.

Starting about 4 weeks ago we noticed that he was hanging back on D. He was getting the ball then going to the corner and looking for passes. He was playing COMPLETELY differently and getting his teammates involved. Well we know his dad and are fairly similar in how we view this whole '4 year olds playing magnet ball thing'. I talked to him a bit and he was like "yeah, I had a talk with him about dialing it back and working on other skills that can help his teammates improve. It's hard because you want to teach them to be assertive but you can't have him doing what he was doing either..."

Well last week our 'regular' coach wasn't there so this same boy's dad stepped in. And suddenly he's running down the field with the little girl who's typically picking dandylions and getting kids to peel off the pile of toddlers to create passing lanes. He's telling kids to do something and when they don't, he goes and talks to them about it, shows them how to do it and then works with them to correct it.

Near the end of the 1st half my boy (who has the most hyperactive sense of right/wrong I've ever seen - that boy WILL get his pound of flesh if he feels he or his sisters have been wronged somehow) was trailing his sister. She'd made a nice little steal and was going towards the sideline. He was trying to run blocker and a kid came up and was pulling/shoving him. The ball goes out of bounds and the other kid kinda shoves him and then kicks near baby sister. So the boy just turns and kicks the shit out of him right in the shin. Kid collapses into a ball of tears. The 'substitute' coach walks over there, puts a hand on his shoulder, points to the sideline and says "you're done until I say you're not..."

****ing awesome. Then at halftime he takes Son number 1 over to the boy he kicked and made him apologize. The regular coach would've just ignored it. They're kids, dammit - coach 'em. Teach them stuff. I mean if you're not going to teach them "Don't be a dick" at LEAST teach them "The 2nd guy always gets caught..."

In one stupid game I saw that team improve more than they had all season. By the end of the game I told my wife I'd coach a team next year before I let the twins play for the clown that had been standing in front of the goal box pleading while his 'ringers' just mow kids down. I mean you don't have to know the intricacies of defensive alignments at that age - you just have to know how to freakin' teach kids. And really, it ain't that hard. They're kids. They're stupid. They're in awe of lightning bugs and loud noises. If you can't say or do something that they find worth listening to, you're REALLY bad at this.

Some coaches are bad coaches. Then again, some parents are shitheels. It's kinda hard to know the difference without being there.

[The Franchise]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

My twins coach (4 yrs old) is just such a coach. He's awful.

But there's a little boy on that team who's just a monster. Incredible player. Early in the year he was just rolling over everyone, scoring every goal. The games were pretty awful because the other team couldn't even get it past midfield before he'd steal it and score.

Starting about 4 weeks ago we noticed that he was hanging back on D. He was getting the ball then going to the corner and looking for passes. He was playing COMPLETELY differently and getting his teammates involved. Well we know his dad and are fairly similar in how we view this whole '4 year olds playing magnet ball thing'. I talked to him a bit and he was like "yeah, I had a talk with him about dialing it back and working on other skills that can help his teammates improve. It's hard because you want to teach them to be assertive but you can't have him doing what he was doing either..."

Well last week our 'regular' coach wasn't there so this same boy's dad stepped in. And suddenly he's running down the field with the little girl who's typically picking dandylions and getting kids to peel off the pile of toddlers to create passing lanes. He's telling kids to do something and when they don't, he goes and talks to them about it, shows them how to do it and then works with them to correct it.

Near the end of the 1st half my boy (who has the most hyperactive sense of right/wrong I've ever seen - that boy WILL get his pound of flesh if he feels he or his sisters have been wronged somehow) was trailing his sister. She'd made a nice little steal and was going towards the sideline. He was trying to run blocker and a kid came up and was pulling/shoving him. The ball goes out of bounds and the other kid kinda shoves him and then kicks near baby sister. So the boy just turns and kicks the shit out of him right in the shin. Kid collapses into a ball of tears. The 'substitute' coach walks over there, puts a hand on his shoulder, points to the sideline and says "you're done until I say you're not..."

****ing awesome. Then at halftime he takes Son number 1 over to the boy he kicked and made him apologize. The regular coach would've just ignored it. They're kids, dammit - coach 'em. Teach them stuff. I mean if you're not going to teach them "Don't be a dick" at LEAST teach them "The 2nd guy always gets caught..."

In one stupid game I saw that team improve more than they had all season. By the end of the game I told my wife I'd coach a team next year before I let the twins play for the clown that had been standing in front of the goal box pleading while his 'ringers' just mow kids down. I mean you don't have to know the intricacies of defensive alignments at that age - you just have to know how to freakin' teach kids. And really, it ain't that hard. They're kids. They're stupid. They're in awe of lightning bugs and loud noises. If you can't say or do something that they find worth listening to, you're REALLY bad at this.

Some coaches are bad coaches. Then again, some parents are shitheels. It's kinda hard to know the difference without being there.

Oh for sure. There are definitely shit coaches and a majority of parents are garbage at that age. All they want to do is win and their kid to score all the goals.

My daughters last coach that caused us to move clubs was a guy who had experience coaching high school girls. Everyone found that out and thought it would be awesome. Turns out he has no clue how to work with younger kids. Practices were him letting the girls goof around and when it came to games…..he would ask the girls what position they wanted to play that game. I heard that and was done. These kids need guidance and by that age….most kids have positions that their skills fit.

Needless to say, my 11 year old’s skills declined because there was never any technical work and it just became the kids kicking a ball around with no guidance. Every game was them getting their ass kicked. They won one game and that was because the coach was gone that day.

She’s thriving in her new club and she’s grown so much but she’s still behind the kids in her age group because she lost a year of development when the other girls didn’t.

[wutamess]

Seems like you're piling on and whining. You know your son isn't the best. Mad because the coach won't give him playing time and mad he didn't get a trophy and other players did.

All true characteristics of a Karen. All of this could be avoided causing you to vent by just simply asking the coach, what your kid needs to work on to get better (that starts the conversation). Instead, you say nothing cause you don't want to "rock the boat" for your kid going forward.

Newflash... The organization/other coaches knows your kid. The sooner you speak up, the more answers you'll get and you'll be able to set your expectations. Just going in every year hoping things get better by winging it, is the same thing as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Either move him down to get more playing time til he develops or ask the coach some questions. Sounds like it can't get any worse.
It's simple: Make shit happen for him and stop putting things in others hands.

[petegz28]

Originally Posted by wutamess

Seems like you're piling on and whining. You know your son isn't the best. Mad because the coach won't give him playing time and mad he didn't get a trophy and other players did.

All true characteristics of a Karen. All of this could be avoided causing you to vent by just simply asking the coach, what your kid needs to work on to get better (that starts the conversation). Instead, you say nothing cause you don't want to "rock the boat" for your kid going forward.

Newflash... The organization/other coaches knows your kid. The sooner you speak up, the more answers you'll get and you'll be able to set your expectations. Just going in every year hoping things get better by winging it, is the same thing as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Either move him down to get more playing time til he develops or ask the coach some questions. Sounds like it can't get any worse.
It's simple: Make shit happen for him and stop putting things in others hands.

Sounds like you haven't read what I said but that's not anyting new with you.