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Old 01-23-2013, 09:34 AM   Topic Starter
teedubya teedubya is offline
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Today's Florida News...

Naked Florida Man Jumps Off Roof Onto Homeowner, Knocks Television Over, Empties Vacuum Cleaner, Masturbates

http://gawker.com/5978198

It's never a dull day in Florida, our country's most fantastic state. Let's set the scene: It's Monday, January 21, and an unnamed North Fort Myers resident is lying in bed relaxing after a hard day's work. Just after 7 p.m., he hears a noise coming from his roof — he thinks it sounds like thunder. He goes outside to investigate the disturbance, when he sees 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni running on his house. Bruni leaps from the roof, tackling the man. Bruni is naked.

From there, Bruni runs into the house, hellbent on destruction. He sees a "large television" minding its own business and knocks it off its stand. He then spies a vacuum cleaner. How do you terrorize a vacuum cleaner? You don't — you just empty its contents back onto the floor. That's what Bruni does. From there, things finally start to get weird:

Bruni then headed toward the couple's son's bedroom, where several guns were stored, so the man's wife fired three warning shots from a .38 revolver.

The arrest report says Bruni fell to the floor - but then began pleasuring himself.

He got up off the floor, ran into the son's bedroom and began rubbing clothing on his face.

Police are called, and they apprehend a flailing, babbling Bruni only after Tasering him. "Tase him, bro," a cop almost certainly says. Bruni is taken to a hospital, but doctors there say they can't identify what drug he is on. The answer is either all of them, or one you've never heard of. Or bath salts. Probably bath salts.

Police charge Bruni with two counts of criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary and resisting arrest without violence. Everyone else in Florida goes to sleep that night, awaiting their turn.
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Old 01-23-2013, 09:44 AM   #2
Bowser Bowser is offline
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Old 01-23-2013, 10:20 AM   #3
bevischief bevischief is offline
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Old 01-23-2013, 10:26 AM   #4
BigMeatballDave BigMeatballDave is offline
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What a stroke of bad luck...
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Old 01-23-2013, 10:29 AM   #5
OmahaChief OmahaChief is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave View Post
What a stroke of bad luck...
I wonder if the guy will get off..
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Old 01-23-2013, 11:05 AM   #6
BigMeatballDave BigMeatballDave is offline
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Originally Posted by OmahaChief View Post
I wonder if the guy will get off..
Yeah, he'll beat it.
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Old 01-23-2013, 10:32 AM   #7
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He sure wasn't master of that domain.
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Old 01-23-2013, 10:36 AM   #8
Mr. Flopnuts Mr. Flopnuts is offline
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How did be bait those folks from coming outside? I wonder if he came inside.
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Old 01-23-2013, 10:39 AM   #9
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I feel like if somebody made animated shorts of FLA headlines/news stories like these, they would find success.
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Old 01-23-2013, 11:18 AM   #10
teedubya teedubya is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bowener View Post
I feel like if somebody made animated shorts of FLA headlines/news stories like these, they would find success.
True. . Something nutty as shit happens almost daily in Florida. It's uncanny.
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Old 01-23-2013, 03:46 PM   #11
BigRedChief BigRedChief is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bowener View Post
I feel like if somebody made animated shorts of FLA headlines/news stories like these, they would find success.
I made an "official" weird Florida news thread but no one uses it.
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Old 01-23-2013, 10:59 AM   #12
KILLER_CLOWN KILLER_CLOWN is offline
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I have a hard time believing this happened in the fine state of Florida.
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Old 01-23-2013, 11:01 AM   #13
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That's the last straw dammit...........I am moving to Florida!
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Old 01-23-2013, 11:15 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by teedubya View Post
so the man's wife fired three warning shots from a .38 revolver.
Not only a waste of ammo, but also a waste of a perfectly good reason to rid the world of this moron. Now he will likely go on to procreate and add to the problems of this country.
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Old 01-23-2013, 12:20 PM   #15
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Good to know: In Florida, if you get caught red handed committing a crime, just a) drop trou, b) fall to the floor, c) beat it like it owes you money.

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