Am I being a prude or have the rules of dating changed DRASTICALLY?

[memyselfI]

I have a 40 something girlfriend who is still married but has been separated for almost two years. There has been no movement towards an actual divorce. She has moved in with her boyfriend of three months. She has a tweenage daughter.

I am shocked, mortified, and worried beyond belief about her daughter. The woman is an adult and can do what she wants but I worry about the impact on her little girl.

My question is what type of guy does this? And am I being too harsh in my reaction to her decision????

[memyselfI]

Originally Posted by Saul Good

She's using terrible judgment. It's probably a bad decision on his part too, but it doesn't make him a bad person because he has no obligation to the kid. She's the bad person because she's placing her own desire for money, sex, validation, companionship, etc. ahead of the most important thing; the need of her daughter.

I don't know. I guess that I feel that a man of 40 something would have better judgment even if my friend doesn't. And if he cared for her he'd have her and the kid's interest at heart and would recommend they wait and let things progress slowly and judiciously. That nothing would be more important than their building their relationship on a solid and secure foundation rather than something rash and potentially troublesome on down the line.

FWIW, the daughter hates the guy already which I understand would be a normal reaction in her situation.

[kstater]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

So it's normal and most men would move in with a married woman and her kid after three months and I have no reason to worry?

It's possible that that after two years of "separation" the two living together might believe the marriage is over?

[Dr. Johnny Fever]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

To be fair, I've said what I think she is in this situation and that she is not using wise judgment. I wonder what type of guy makes a move like this since I am not a guy and don't know what the thinking is behind a move like this.

His thinking is "cool a chick I dig wants to have sex with me enough for her to move in and have sex all the time." If he's thought about HER kid it's to think "well the kid is a teenager and if her mother is ok with this why would I say no." It isn't HIS responsibility to make HER a decent parent.

And I REALLY don't uderstand why the hell she doesn't end the so called marriage. Seriously WTF. She's what most of us guys call a psycho.

[cdcox]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

To be fair, I've said what I think she is in this situation and that she is not using wise judgment. I wonder what type of guy makes a move like this since I am not a guy and don't know what the thinking is behind a move like this.

I place to camp for a while, without permanent commitment. Not very difficult to understand at all.

[OnTheWarpath15]

Originally Posted by Ultra Peanut

[cdcox]

Originally Posted by beer me

His thinking is "cool a chick I dig wants to have sex with me enough for her to move in and have sex all the time." If he's thought about HER kid it's to think "well the kid is a teenager and if her mother is ok with this why would I say no." It isn't HIS responsibility to make HER a decent parent.

And I REALLY don't uderstand why the hell she doesn't end the so called marriage. Seriously WTF. She's what most of us guys call a psycho.

This.

And the relationship with the new dude will end badly.

And this isn't something you will be able to fix.

[memyselfI]

Originally Posted by kstater

It's possible that that after two years of "separation" the two living together might believe the marriage is over?

Quite possible because it is. But not in the eyes of the law and certainly not in the mind of the child.

[beavis]

Originally Posted by beer me

And I REALLY don't uderstand why the hell she doesn't end the so called marriage. Seriously WTF. She's what most of us guys call a psycho.

Consider the company she keeps.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

I have a 40 something girlfriend who is still married but has been separated for almost two years. There has been no movement towards an actual divorce. She has moved in with her boyfriend of three months. She has a tweenage daughter.

I am shocked, mortified, and worried beyond belief about her daughter. The woman is an adult and can do what she wants but I worry about the impact on her little girl.

My question is what type of guy does this? And am I being too harsh in my reaction to her decision????

Who's married. If you wanna be a feminazi, that's fine. But try and keep your perspective on who's ****ing up here.

[memyselfI]

Originally Posted by beer me

His thinking is "cool a chick I dig wants to have sex with me enough for her to move in and have sex all the time." If he's thought about HER kid it's to think "well the kid is a teenager and if her mother is ok with this why would I say no." It isn't HIS responsibility to make HER a decent parent.

And I REALLY don't uderstand why the hell she doesn't end the so called marriage. Seriously WTF. She's what most of us guys call a psycho.

Sigh, this is what I suspected. Oh well, I was feeling guilty for going off on her but now I don't.

[MIAdragon]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

Quite possible because it is. But not in the eyes of the law and certainly not in the mind of the child.

Ahh so if Mom got that piece of paper the child would be ok with it?

[memyselfI]

Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts

Who's married. If you wanna be a feminazi, that's fine. But try and keep your perspective on who's ****ing up here.

Scroll down and actually read the posts. I've said numerous times what I think of the woman in this situation. It's the man's motives I'm not sure of.

[Saul Good]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

I don't know. I guess that I feel that a man of 40 something would have better judgment even if my friend doesn't. And if he cared for her he'd have her and the kid's interest at heart and would recommend they wait and let things progress slowly and judiciously. That nothing would be more important than their building their relationship on a solid and secure foundation rather than something rash.

If he's not a parent, and he's in his 40s, that says quite a bit about him. Chances are he has chosen not to have kids. Maybe he doesn't want the responsibility. Maybe he didn't feel like he was cut out to look out for the best interest of a helpless child.

The type of man who puts the needs of a child before his own is usually the type of man who has kids before turning 40. I wouldn't count on him to solve this woman's problems or to save the daughter from her mother. That doesn't make him a bad guy, though. It just makes him not a great guy. Let's face it, she's probably not going to find a great guy based on the life choices she has made. Judging by her propensity to act only in her own self-interests, she probably doesn't deserve one.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Originally Posted by DaFace

I think the funniest part is that, if you think this is a bad situation, there is absolutely no question that it's the woman who is responsible. Yet, your question is "What type of guy does this?"

Beat me too it.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

Scroll down and actually read the posts. I've said numerous times what I think of the woman in this situation. It's the man's motives I'm not sure of.

Yep. My bad. But your bad for not editing the original post.


Edit: And while we're discussing it, it's really none of your ****ing business what his motives are. He's not your friend.