Other women.

[Micjones]

I had a discussion last night with my girlfriend about a relationship dilemma one of her closest friends is faced with. These kinds of conversations often serve as firestarters. If a man is too candid he can often represent an opinion that will be superimposed onto his own relationship.

So the two of us were talking about the process of a man "settling down".

I told her about a song I'd been listening to that gives the male perspective of this process. A skit preceded the song. In that skit a man lays out his account of how men always wrestle with the urge to sleep with other women. It was an "inside" conversation. The language was brash, but it was something most men could identify and stand in agreement with. Needless to say, she was repulsed by the idea that men are often desirous of other women. So now I'm in an odd position of having to answer to her about my own desires. I think women have these heart-warming ideas that a man who has committed himself to her no longer has an eye for other women. I think that's patently false.

Gents when you settled down to a monogamous relationship...
Was that a by-product of having sewn your oats or are you simply managing the urge to sleep with other women?

In taking to older male friends I've been told time and time again that the desire to be with other women never goes away...you just manage it for fidelity's sake.

True or false?

[EPodolak]

Originally Posted by InChiefsHell

You are not an animal, you have control over your urges. But that doesn't make the urges go away.

I always explain it like this...I could be in love with probably a million people in the world, but I CHOSE my wife. That's because love is a choice not a feeling. Lust is a feeling. You have to control your feelings...otherwise we're just animals.

Or maybe it's that some guys are hard-wired with traditional values of hearth and home, and have a greater reverence for fidelity. Meanwhile other guys see those as outdated bourgeois concepts and go on like roosters in heat for as long as they can. Individual differences based on temperament. Another category of men are just randy, selfish assholes and couldn't care less who they run over.

[Blueflame]

Originally Posted by InChiefsHell

You are not an animal, you have control over your urges. But that doesn't make the urges go away.

I always explain it like this...I could be in love with probably a million people in the world, but I CHOSE my wife. That's because love is a choice not a feeling. Lust is a feeling. You have to control your feelings...otherwise we're just animals.

In other words... "window shopping" is rather like staring at a lovely green poison ivy plant. You can appreciate its beauty and that's just fine. As long as you don't touch.

[memyselfI]

Love the assumption that the desire to be with 'strange' is somehow a male specific desire.

[burt]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

Love the assumption that the desire to be with 'strange' is somehow a male specific desire.

You really can't read, can you. Okay.....you just look at the pretty pictures.....

[burt]

I stayed single until I was 35 because I enjoyed chasin', and catching it. Now at 51, I realize.... I know about a tenth of what Phobia knows about relationships. and 50 times what Clayton knows.

[memyselfI]

Originally Posted by burt

You really can't read, can you. Okay.....you just look at the pretty pictures.....

Oh really?

Needless to say, she was repulsed by the idea that men are often desirous of other women. So now I'm in an odd position of having to answer to her about my own desires. I think women have these heart-warming ideas that a man who has committed himself to her no longer has an eye for other women. I think that's patently false.

It's both sexes. Lots of delusion going on in that paragraph.

[burt]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

Oh really?



It's both sexes. Lots of delusion going on in that paragraph.

A thread on a predominantly man's board about mans urges. I would feel differently if it was a post about womans urges. But this thread is about a MANS urges. And even with that in mind.....

Originally Posted by Predarat

And its not just men that look. If women claim they do not, they are ****ing liars.

Originally Posted by BIG_DADDY

Attraction isn't a choice, how you deal with it is. Anyone that thinks just because you love somebody that goes away is fooling themself or has control issues. That reality fits on both sides of the isle.

Originally Posted by L.A.Chieffan

Chicks **** around as much as guys, they just like to act all innocent

[memyselfI]

Originally Posted by burt

A thread on a predominantly man's board about mans urges. I would feel differently if it was a post about womans urges. But this thread is about a MANS urges. And even with that in mind.....

Point is the poor guy who posted this is not only talking to a clueless less than honest woman but has some delusions himself. Only in Harlequinn romance novels do women lose interest in other men once they fall in love. We have the same struggles and tendencies that men do. It's just not deemed very lady like to admit it when you are a young woman. Not to mention it's a delusion both sexes willingly embrace in order to believe fidelity is actually possible. Which it is. But to deny nature is ridiculous.

[burt]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

We have the same struggles and tendencies that men do.

Read slower. That is exactly what the posted quotes were saying.

[LiveSteam]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

Point is the poor guy who posted this is not only talking to a clueless less than honest woman but has some delusions himself. Only in Harlequinn romance novels do women lose interest in other men once they fall in love. We have the same struggles and tendencies that men do. It's just not deemed very lady like to admit it when you are a young woman. Not to mention it's a delusion both sexes willingly embrace in order to believe fidelity is actually possible. Which it is. But to deny nature is ridiculous.

People! This can all be fixed by having dirty porn sex
TRUE STORY

[memyselfI]

Originally Posted by burt

Read slower. That is exactly what the posted quotes were saying.

I understand that. Men speculating on women's sexuality is very powerful and informative especially a couple of those deeply contemplated comments.

[Predarat]

Originally Posted by Lumpy

I find it interesting too.

However, a relationship is a 2-way street. What happens when a wife/gf's needs aren't being met? Let's say there's a lack of emotion/communication in the relationship yet there's plenty of sex. Do men ever worry that their wife/gf will seek out someone to help fill that void?

I don't mean to sound like a "typical chick" with my post, but think about it, gentlemen... a relationship without communication is like a relationship without sex. Plain and simple.

Most women if there is not emotion/communication there is not alot of sex. I think that is one of the first things to look for if you are a man and the sex is lacking.

Originally Posted by Lumpy

I find it interesting too.

However, a relationship is a 2-way street. What happens when a wife/gf's needs aren't being met? Let's say there's a lack of emotion/communication in the relationship yet there's plenty of sex. Do men ever worry that their wife/gf will seek out someone to help fill that void?

I don't mean to sound like a "typical chick" with my post, but think about it, gentlemen... a relationship without communication is like a relationship without sex. Plain and simple.

This is a completely fair question. Your solution is quite simple, though. Get a phone. Call some girlfriends. We don't want to talk to you.

Originally Posted by burt

I stayed single until I was 35 because I enjoyed chasin', and catching it. Now at 51, I realize.... I know about a tenth of what Phobia knows about relationships.

That's simply not true at all. My marriage suffers just like everybody else. I just decided to work at it. I know a lot more than I used to know but I'm still learning every day. Don't be afraid to ask your wife, "Am I supposed to be just listening or do you want me to fix something." Develop some "safe words" for times when you are devolving into a tendency that has plagued your marriage. That way, the wife can say something to you that will snap you out of it without all the conflict.

and 50 times what Clayton knows.

I think you were missing a few zeros there.

[Demonpenz]

Originally Posted by Phobia

That's simply not true at all. My marriage suffers just like everybody else. I just decided to work at it. I know a lot more than I used to know but I'm still learning every day. Don't be afraid to ask your wife, "Am I supposed to be just listening or do you want me to fix something." Develop some "safe words" for times when you are devolving into a tendency that has plagued your marriage. That way, the wife can say something to you that will snap you out of it without all the conflict.



I think you were missing a few zeros there.

I see two zero's atleast.