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12-19-2005, 11:45 AM | #196 | |
King Shit of **** Mountain
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Casino cash: $1097937
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Posts: 49,705
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12-19-2005, 07:42 PM | #197 |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2001
Casino cash: $10004900
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It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened," replied the perp. |
Posts: 26,959
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12-20-2005, 07:02 AM | #198 | |
Homer go crazy!!!
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: SE Kansas
Casino cash: $8564990
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Posts: 17,868
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12-20-2005, 10:20 PM | #199 |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2001
Casino cash: $10004900
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Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second one says, "No, its Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer." |
Posts: 26,959
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12-20-2005, 10:21 PM | #200 |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2001
Casino cash: $10004900
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An old man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty." |
Posts: 26,959
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12-21-2005, 07:48 AM | #201 |
Homer go crazy!!!
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: SE Kansas
Casino cash: $8564990
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RRRRRRRR, EEEEEEEEEE, RRRRRRRRR, EEEEEEEEEEE
…A blond going through a flashing red light. |
Posts: 17,868
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01-07-2006, 11:43 AM | #202 |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2001
Casino cash: $10004900
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In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!" The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused. Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I am about to receive...." |
Posts: 26,959
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01-13-2006, 09:16 PM | #203 |
Cool as a Cucumber
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: on the edge
Casino cash: $3566717
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A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."
__________________
A D with Sneed is a D indeed. |
Posts: 3,823
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01-13-2006, 10:22 PM | #204 |
Supporter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Highlandville, MO
Casino cash: $2242248
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Daaad, cries little Billy, I dropped my toothbrush in the toilet. That's alright, says dad, we will throw it away, and get you a new one, it has gross germs on it. Oh really, replied Billy, we had better get you a new one too. I dropped it in the toilet last week.
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Posts: 12,701
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01-14-2006, 11:50 PM | #205 | |
Homer go crazy!!!
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: SE Kansas
Casino cash: $8564990
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Quote:
...My luck. |
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Posts: 17,868
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01-20-2006, 03:29 PM | #206 |
Starter
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: The Texas Pothandle
Casino cash: $10005020
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It's tough to be a Husker in Kansas!
It's tough to be a Husker in Kansas!
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Posts: 471
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01-21-2006, 12:21 PM | #207 |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2001
Casino cash: $10004900
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Wong gets himself a job on the road construction crew. He is teamed up with Steve and Joe responsible to lay down drainage pipes alongside a road segment. On the first day the foreman instructs:
"Steve, Joe you are in charge of digging and laying pipes" He then turns to Wong and says,"Wong, you are in charge of supplies." The foreman returns at the end of the day to see no work done and Steve and Joe sitting and smoking. "What's this?" He shouts angrily, "Why haven't you done anything?" "Well Wong went for supplies and never came back" reply Steve and Joe. "Which way did he go?" They point at the wooded area nearby. The foreman walks toward the trees shouting "Wong! Wong!"... just as he gets close to the first tree out jumps Wong from behind it, triumphantly shouting: "SUPLISE!" |
Posts: 26,959
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02-04-2006, 04:10 PM | #208 |
MVP
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Newport, Or
Casino cash: $1187000
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When a woman wears leather clothing, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he goes weak in the knees and he begins to think irrationally.
Ever wonder why? Because she smells like a new truck!
__________________
My 2024 Adopt-A-Chief: Rashee Rice |
Posts: 14,746
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02-04-2006, 06:26 PM | #209 |
Starter
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Hooterville-East of Pixly
Casino cash: $9974995
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Why do people read the Bible more often as they get older?
"They're Cramming!" |
Posts: 94
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02-19-2006, 01:29 PM | #210 |
Starter
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: The Texas Pothandle
Casino cash: $10005020
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Quick Thinker
A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some a**h*** wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here." "Where are you from, son?" "Texas, sir," the boy replied. "Well, why did you leave Texas?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and football players down there." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Texas." "No s***???" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?" |
Posts: 471
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