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Old 10-23-2007, 12:53 PM  
Direckshun Direckshun is offline
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The most random PM I've ever received.
I don't even care about posting this.

I just received a PM from a guy I've never talked to and I have no idea what the hell he's talking about.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redrum_69
Title: Bass T. Ardson

DUDE...last night I went over to his house...he collects Texas Chainsaw massacre movie memorabilia. He has a signed amputated limb from Jessica Alba, who happened to be at opening night at the China Theatre in Hollywood. He bought it off EBAY from the seller, who said his best friend knows the costume designer from the set and the costume designers neighbor was dating the woman who helped Jessica Albas cousin get a VIP pass to the premiere. Bass paid over $4500.000 for this limb...and it looks like a cow leg. Bass said it was a legit limb from the movie set, because it came with a certificate of authenticity. Which..brings me to the point of this story...I think if you and I can go down to the Body Parts Inc store and buy up all the new and used body parts...we could sign them with sharpies, go to Kinko's and make letters of authenticity and sell them on EBAY to fools like Bass.

Anyways..we had chili last night that had a wierd taste to it and I thought I was chewing on some fingernails, but I dont know. Bass said it was a little family recipe he had learned a long time ago. Did you know he had a new H3 Hummer out back? the tags are from Alaska, but he says it was a joke. LOL he cracks me up. Bass, last week, was driving a GMC Jimmy, and it had a broken passenger side door, but he said he was able to get it off with the chainsaw. His way of thinking it all backwoods-ish, but...he has the charisma of Tom Cruise.

Bass is also thinking of opening up a butcher shop and a junkyard too. He has alot of torn up vehicles and goes through a new one once a week.

Next weekend, he wants you to stop by...he muttered something about how you laughed at him last week. He said if you come over, bring the alcohol and you'll get hammered.
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Old 10-25-2007, 10:35 AM   #46
Simply Red Simply Red is offline
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One from today LOLOLOL!
Today, 11:43 AM
Chief

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I heard that Chief Broken Claw was appointed Chief Executive Officer for Finances. Now, let me test your memory...do you remember when he was moving up through the ranks..that he said he used to trade beads for alcohol. Now we have Chief as the CEO for Finances for the company. How long do you think it will be before we start having tribal dances outisde, teepees out at the lake, and the possibility of us moving from our summer lodges to winter camps.


So yeah, I forgot to send that message above to you last month. One month after he was appointed CEO of $$$, Chief Broken Claw has sent out many different memos. Did you get the one he sent out last week? The buckskin drawings of stick figures shoooting arrows into other company logos was pretty funny...but what took the white buffalo for me was the superimposed pic of Chief Broken Claw being ridden by Lindsey Lohan like Herbie the lovebug. We were also invited to his powwow. The squaws he has enlisted as interns have all been hot. I swear that new Blackfoot looked more like an Apache...with some Crow mixed in for good measure. Shes a firey one I'll give her that.

Anyways, it will be interesting to see what the next memo will be about.
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Old 10-25-2007, 10:42 AM   #47
Simply Red Simply Red is offline
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I love this one. HOLY SHIT!
Today, 12:03 PM
Malnutrition

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Dear Employee,

We the Upper Management have all agreed that there has been some confusion as of late due in part of the oversight from the Cafeteria and Management. The confusion I am referring to was placing day old donuts in vending machines. Instead of packaging donuts, the briliant minds from the cafeteria came up with the idea of placing Caseys and Krispy Kreme donuts for individual sale in the vending machines. Whenever an employee paid $.75 per donut, it would result in the twirley getting stuck on the donut hole, thus collecting and smashing the donuts instead of dropping them through the chute. This not only caused anger with the employees, but the recent SWAT raid was due to Gerri Anger going from normal mode to losing over $5 in the vending machine and not receiving his sugar rush. Management has also approved therapy and anger management courses to relieve the stress of not getting donuts.

The State has also decided that our building has low code health violations and all vending machines have been removed until further notified. The ice Machine has also been removed, because of the recent Ice Fight 2007, in which multiple injuries were reported when Esky Moe decided to toss a bucket of ice into Can Ada's cubicle. Esky has also hated the polar bear skin rug and after multiple complaints to HR and PETA, the rug was twice removed and then Can finally was pushed to the edge which resulted in the bear skin being placed in Esky's office doused with oil and a sign stating "REMEMBER EXXON!!"

Anyways, I just want to thank you for your patience and Chief Broken Claw has asked everyone to have patience, because we just received word that 4th quarters financial information has been received and we are up 23% in hawks feathers and buffalo teeth. I hope that the steel horse that resides across the prairie will soon leave and be replaced with the tatanka petting zoo and butchery.

Thanks,

Choctaw Buffalo Stance
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Old 10-29-2007, 02:32 PM   #48
Simply Red Simply Red is offline
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Private Message: Ping Sushipong
Today, 04:05 PM
Ping Sushipong

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That new asian they blought in fol the speciarist position leeks of fish. I dont know why the company arways has to bling in people flom arr warks of rife. Ping is in chalge of ovelseeing the coffee machine. She is a lear nice person, but come on...she used to be a Geisha at the massage palrol.

*UPDATE* In the middle of typing this, she just frung the tlash arr over the kitchen alea. She is now lanting and laving about something. I cant heal what she is saying...its all in hel foleign tongue.

**Update* WOW...what a tuln of events. She thlew a chail down the stailwerr.

Ok I just found out that she got in trouble because she was offeling flee coffee to people...and they though she meant it had fleas in it...and when people kept asking hel to lepeat what she was saying..it lesurted in heer scleaming fit.

Tomollow...the gloup is going out for chinese. Dlop me some money if you want me to get you some chow mein and egg lorrs.
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Old 06-10-2008, 03:04 PM   #49
Simply Red Simply Red is offline
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Ha!
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Old 06-10-2008, 03:14 PM   #50
Redrum_69 Redrum_69 is offline
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Holy shit.


This is what drinking two bottles of NOS before lunchtime will get you.
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Old 06-10-2008, 03:15 PM   #51
Redrum_69 Redrum_69 is offline
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I need some form of a 12 step therapy session...but instead of steps, it should be years.
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Old 06-11-2008, 09:49 AM   #52
Simply Red Simply Red is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Redrum_69 View Post
Holy shit.


This is what drinking two bottles of NOS before lunchtime will get you.

SCREW THOSE!

Pomegranate RockStar!
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Old 06-17-2008, 10:03 AM   #53
Fire Me Boy! Fire Me Boy! is offline
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My first one!

Quote:
The river...
Dear Llippsar Lewse,

Your memo titled "DUDE>>>" must have been a private email, but when you replied you must have chose "Reply to all." IN this mistake, you may not have realized but this email was forwarded to everyone in the network. Since receiving this email, I have never laughed my ass off more than hearing about your troubles with the law last weekend on the float trip. I've never heard of anyone riding a log bareback down the river. Gives new meaning to "knotty pine."

Anyways, next time make sure to just click on reply.

Wattha Phuq
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Old 06-17-2008, 10:10 AM   #54
Simply Red Simply Red is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fire Me Boy! View Post
My first one!
!!!!
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