Life Am I being a prude or have the rules of dating changed DRASTICALLY? - Page 4

memyselfI · 12-30-2008, 08:40 PM

I have a 40 something girlfriend who is still married but has been separated for almost two years. There has been no movement towards an actual divorce. She has moved in with her boyfriend of three months. She has a tweenage daughter.

I am shocked, mortified, and worried beyond belief about her daughter. The woman is an adult and can do what she wants but I worry about the impact on her little girl.

My question is what type of guy does this? And am I being too harsh in my reaction to her decision????

memyselfI · 12-30-2008, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MIAdragon

Ahh so if Mom got that piece of paper the child would be ok with it?

Doubtful. But she wouldn't have her Mother shacking up with some guy while she's still married to her father and everyone knows it.

**Saul Good** · 12-30-2008, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by memyselfI

Scroll down and actually read the posts. I've said numerous times what I think of the woman in this situation. It's the man's motives I'm not sure of.

Does this woman have a decent job?

memyselfI · 12-30-2008, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saul Good

If he's not a parent, and he's in his 40s, that says quite a bit about him. Chances are he has chosen not to have kids. Maybe he doesn't want the responsibility. Maybe he didn't feel like he was cut out to look out for the best interest of a helpless child.

The type of man who puts the needs of a child before his own is usually the type of man who has kids before turning 40. I wouldn't count on him to solve this woman's problems or to save the daughter from her mother. That doesn't make him a bad guy, though. It just makes him not a great guy. Let's face it, she's probably not going to find a great guy based on the life choices she has made. Judging by her propensity to act only in her own self-interests, she probably doesn't deserve one.

Again, exactly what I feel and fear. It sucks reading it from an objective perspective but I really felt like I needed it. I felt perhaps I was being unfair because I'm too close the situation.

It all feels very Jerry Springer to me. It also feels like it will end badly.

MIAdragon · 12-30-2008, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by memyselfI

Sigh, this is what I suspected. Oh well, I was feeling guilty for going off on her but now I don't.

If all you are going off is the info you posted then you SHOULD feel bad. This is all speculation, who knows hell this new guy could be the best thing for her daughter, maybe her first husband beat them both and now this guy treats them like princess. Man we are quick to stone people.

**KcMizzou** · 12-30-2008, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by memyselfI

I have a 40 something girlfriend who is still married but has been separated for almost two years. There has been no movement towards an actual divorce. She has moved in with her boyfriend of three months. She has a tweenage daughter.

I am shocked, mortified, and worried beyond belief about her daughter. The woman is an adult and can do what she wants but I worry about the impact on her little girl.

My question is what type of guy does this? And am I being too harsh in my reaction to her decision????

Haven't read the thread, but why's it the guy's fault?

memyselfI · 12-30-2008, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saul Good

Does this woman have a decent job?

A steady one but not one that pays very well. She's a very sweet and submissive person. I believe she's also very afraid of being alone.

**luv** · 12-30-2008, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by memyselfI

I think three months is not enough time to judge a person and certainly not enough time to get that serious about them to the point of living together. I think it sets a bad example for the girl. Her Mom is still married to another man and living with another.

I moved in with a guy after dating him for 4 months. Bad, bad, bad move. Of course, I was completely naive, and he completely took advantage of my stupidity. Everyone's different, though. How did she meet him?

**Mr. Flopnuts** · 12-30-2008, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by memyselfI

Again, exactly what I feel and fear. It sucks reading it from an objective perspective but I really felt like I needed it. I felt perhaps I was being unfair because I'm too close the situation.

It all feels very Jerry Springer to me. It also feels like it will end badly.

It wasn't Jerry Springer until you decided to bring it online. You're all woman, sweetheart.

memyselfI · 12-30-2008, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MIAdragon

If all you are going off is the info you posted then you SHOULD feel bad. This is all speculation, who knows hell this new guy could be the best thing for her daughter, maybe her first husband beat them both and now this guy treats them like princess. Man we are quick to stone people.

There is more to the story but these are some of the least salacious details. I figured if you thought this was bad then the rest of the stuff would really send you off the deep end. I just needed to get some opinions on this aspect because I felt it was seedy enough.

**luv** · 12-30-2008, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by memyselfI

A steady one but not one that pays very well. She's a very sweet and submissive person. I believe she's also very afraid of being alone.

Please don't confuse submissiveness with the fear of being alone. I am completely submissive (believe it or not), but I'd rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong reasons.

memyselfI · 12-30-2008, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts

It wasn't Jerry Springer until you decided to bring it online. You're all woman, sweetheart.

Just seeking uninvolved objective feedback without violating anyone's privacy. I also wanted a male perspective and who better to ask then all of the great minds on this board.

memyselfI · 12-30-2008, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luv

Please don't confuse submissiveness with the fear of being alone. I am completely submissive (believe it or not), but I'd rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong reasons.

I don't. She's both. She went from parents, to bad marriage, to rash relationship. Has not been without someone taking care of her ever.

cardken · 12-30-2008, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beer me

His thinking is "cool a chick I dig wants to have sex with me enough for her to move in and have sex all the time." If he's thought about HER kid it's to think "well the kid is a teenager and if her mother is ok with this why would I say no." It isn't HIS responsibility to make HER a decent parent.

And I REALLY don't understand why the hell she doesn't end the so called marriage. Seriously WTF. She's what most of us guys call a psycho.

Yeah, my first thought is this Chick is hedging her bets. Still married and moving in with him, a little worrisome if it were me.

**luv** · 12-30-2008, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by memyselfI

Just seeking uninvolved objective feedback without violating anyone's privacy. I also wanted a male perspective and who better to ask then all of the great minds on this board.

Oops. Disregard my posts.

memyselfI · 12-30-2008, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KcMizzou

Haven't read the thread, but why's it the guy's fault?

It's not. Read the thread.

12-30-2008, 08:40 PM
memyselfI CHANGEd your mind yet???? Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Lunatics Anonymous Casino cash: $10005234	Am I being a prude or have the rules of dating changed DRASTICALLY? I have a 40 something girlfriend who is still married but has been separated for almost two years. There has been no movement towards an actual divorce. She has moved in with her boyfriend of three months. She has a tweenage daughter. I am shocked, mortified, and worried beyond belief about her daughter. The woman is an adult and can do what she wants but I worry about the impact on her little girl. My question is what type of guy does this? And am I being too harsh in my reaction to her decision????
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