Misc Why Monogamy is Ridiculous - Page 3

Skyy God · 01-26-2011, 11:09 AM

http://bigthink.com/ideas/24738

Dan Savage: Yeah, absolutely we need to rethink love and commitment. You know 60 years ago was when we decided that men had to be monogamous too. Men were not monogamous. For all of recorded human history men had concubines and whores, and 60 years ago straight relationships began to become more egalitarian and it was less of a property transaction—a marriage had been a property transaction for most of recorded human history—and it became a union of two equals. And at that moment instead of deciding to allow women to have the same sort of freedom and leeway that men did we decided to let men have the same limitations, impose the same limitations what women had and we put monogamous sexual commitment at the heart of all relationships, all long-term commitments, all marriages and we have watched.

We should now be able to recognize the consequences of that, which are a lot of short-term relationships, a lot of divorce. Because monogamy is ridiculous and people aren’t any good at it. We’re not wired for it. We didn’t evolve to be. It’s unnatural and it places a tremendous strain on our marriages and our long-term commitments to expect them to be effortlessly monogamous. Because what we said is "If you’re in love you shouldn’t... you won’t want to have sex with anybody else and what we need to tell people is that if you’re in love you can make a monogamous commitment and you will refrain from having sex with other people, but you will still desperately want to f**k the shit out of other people." But people understand love means I don’t want to f**k other people because of these misconceptions pumped into people’s heads about romance, love and what it means. And so they meet somebody else that they’re attracted to and they’re attracted to this other person. They go "Well, I must not be in love with my partner anymore otherwise I wouldn’t be attracted to this person." Or they feel threatened when their partners are attracted to other people because it makes them feel insecure and we just need to get passed that and we talk about monogamy the way we talk about virginity, that you’re monogamous until you f**k somebody else and they’re you’re not. You’ve ruined it. You popped your monogamy hymen and destroyed your monogamous relationship.

We need to talk about monogamy the way we talk about sobriety, which you can be monogamous and fall off the wagon and then sober back up. You can monogamous back up and get back on the wagon. And the truth of the matter is that if you’re with somebody for 40, 50 years and they only cheated on you a few times they were good at being monogamous, not bad at being monogamous. They were good at it. So I do think there needs to be some leeway. And a lot of really good loving relationships are destroyed because somebody wants a little variety or isn’t getting a need met and feels they have to step out and it explodes the relationship. I'm conservative. I think that we should do what we can to preserve marriages and long-term relationships, and one way to do that is to encourage people to have more realistic attitudes about sexual exclusivity.

RedNFeisty · 01-26-2011, 11:39 AM

I'd be damn if I'm going to sit in the cave taking care of junior and not get some strange myself if hubby is out getting it.

Once all is said and done, it really isn't difficult to be monogamous. The laws of attraction are always in play, it is just a matter of will power. Some people are just weaker then others in that department.

Generally, people are only as strong as their options. The fewer the options, the more monogamous they are. Sad, but true.

**cdcox** · 01-26-2011, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tooge

I am monogamous, and think its great. Doesn't change the fact that we aren't wired that way. Wifey isn't supposed to be getting dolled up and picked up by some dude. she is supposed to be making the "cave" liveable to her mate so that he can relax and rejuvinate while he is rebuiling his sperm supply. I didn't make this shit up, I'm just stating it.

Those that say that we aren't wired to be monogamous are only recognizing half of the evidence. Jealousy is antagonistic to polygomy. If we were wired to be purely polygomists we would have shed that useless emotion in our evolutionary past. Emotional attachment to someone you are intimate with is also harmful to a polygomist wiring.

Most accurately, humans are in a state of tension between the desire to form deep and lasting bonds with a member of the opposite sex and the desire to get some strange. Social norms have favored one side of this tension or the other in different ways at different times. The statement that we've only had monogomy for 60 years is either grossly uninformed or a pure lie.

**TimeForWasp** · 01-26-2011, 11:54 AM

monogomy = monopoly

do not pass go, do not collect 200 women

Hammock Parties · 01-26-2011, 11:57 AM

I prefer monogamy. Too lazy too seek multiple partners. Pain in the ****ing ass. Be nice to find one girl to bang regularly.

Brock · 01-26-2011, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ClayWhit

I prefer monogamy. Too lazy too seek multiple partners. Pain in the ****ing ass. Be nice to find one girl to bang regularly.

There's a big difference between "lazy" and "scared and inept".

tooge · 01-26-2011, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cdcox

Those that say that we aren't wired to be monogamous are only recognizing half of the evidence. Jealousy is antagonistic to polygomy. If we were wired to be purely polygomists we would have shed that useless emotion in our evolutionary past. Emotional attachment to someone you are intimate with is also harmful to a polygomist wiring.

Most accurately, humans are in a state of tension between the desire to form deep and lasting bonds with a member of the opposite sex and the desire to get some strange. Social norms have favored one side of this tension or the other in different ways at different times. The statement that we've only had monogomy for 60 years is either grossly uninformed or a pure lie.

exactly. I think that the farther back you go down the evolutionary tree, the farther away you get from that emotion (jealousy) and the closer you get to true polygamy. I would guess that is in part because when tribes are roaming around, it becomes more and more difficult to bond with that person. As they become more and more stable with regards to location, which happened about the time we figured out agriculture, then you see the same individuals every day. When this happens, you begin to see where you fit in the group. You begin to see materialism develop, and once it does, then a good mate becomes something you want and dont want anyone else to have. Hence jealousy. Not to mention, that underlying all of this is the fact that we ARE programmed to spread OUR genetic material first and foremost, and if another male is circling your mate, that is a direct threat to this happening. Again, jealousy.

Hammock Parties · 01-26-2011, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

There's a big difference between "lazy" and "scared and inept".

Dude, I can pull ass off the internet easy, and it's far easier (and safer, and cheaper) than going out and trying to hook up at clubs. But, I don't even do that anymore, because I'm bored with it. Football honestly interests me more than sex right now. My head's in a weird place. I'm just a crazy old hermit.

**Mr. Flopnuts** · 01-26-2011, 12:07 PM

You gonna get AIDS!

Brock · 01-26-2011, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ClayWhit

Dude, I can pull ass off the internet easy, and it's far easier (and safer, and cheaper) than going out and trying to hook up at clubs. But, I don't even do that anymore, because I'm bored with it. Football honestly interests me more than sex right now. My head's in a weird place. I'm just a crazy old hermit.

Dude, if you could, you would. "Bored with it", "football interests me more than sex", LOL. There's something wrong with you.

stevieray · 01-26-2011, 12:09 PM

no, wearing a condom is ridiculous...literally and figuratively.

**Mr. Flopnuts** · 01-26-2011, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevieray

no, wearing a condom is ridiculous...literally and figuratively.

It's like taking a shower with your socks on.

Hammock Parties · 01-26-2011, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

Dude, if you could, you would. "Bored with it", "football interests me more than sex", LOL. There's something wrong with you.

I know! Getting laid just seems like a chore these days. I was all gung ho about it for a year (for obvious reasons), banged a few girls, and now it's just like, "yawn."

Art Vader · 01-26-2011, 12:15 PM

eh... everybody **** everybody

**luv** · 01-26-2011, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ClayWhit

I know! Getting laid just seems like a chore these days. I was all gung ho about it for a year (for obvious reasons), banged a few girls, and now it's just like, "yawn."

Yawn? You must not be doing it right.

**Donger** · 01-26-2011, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ClayWhit

I know! Getting laid just seems like a chore these days. I was all gung ho about it for a year (for obvious reasons), banged a few girls, and now it's just like, "yawn."

Did you ever figure out how to keep it up through ejaculation?

01-26-2011, 11:09 AM
Skyy God 11-5, baby Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Livin the dream Casino cash: $2191557	Why Monogamy is Ridiculous http://bigthink.com/ideas/24738 Dan Savage: Yeah, absolutely we need to rethink love and commitment. You know 60 years ago was when we decided that men had to be monogamous too. Men were not monogamous. For all of recorded human history men had concubines and whores, and 60 years ago straight relationships began to become more egalitarian and it was less of a property transaction—a marriage had been a property transaction for most of recorded human history—and it became a union of two equals. And at that moment instead of deciding to allow women to have the same sort of freedom and leeway that men did we decided to let men have the same limitations, impose the same limitations what women had and we put monogamous sexual commitment at the heart of all relationships, all long-term commitments, all marriages and we have watched. We should now be able to recognize the consequences of that, which are a lot of short-term relationships, a lot of divorce. Because monogamy is ridiculous and people aren’t any good at it. We’re not wired for it. We didn’t evolve to be. It’s unnatural and it places a tremendous strain on our marriages and our long-term commitments to expect them to be effortlessly monogamous. Because what we said is "If you’re in love you shouldn’t... you won’t want to have sex with anybody else and what we need to tell people is that if you’re in love you can make a monogamous commitment and you will refrain from having sex with other people, but you will still desperately want to fk the shit out of other people." But people understand love means I don’t want to fk other people because of these misconceptions pumped into people’s heads about romance, love and what it means. And so they meet somebody else that they’re attracted to and they’re attracted to this other person. They go "Well, I must not be in love with my partner anymore otherwise I wouldn’t be attracted to this person." Or they feel threatened when their partners are attracted to other people because it makes them feel insecure and we just need to get passed that and we talk about monogamy the way we talk about virginity, that you’re monogamous until you f**k somebody else and they’re you’re not. You’ve ruined it. You popped your monogamy hymen and destroyed your monogamous relationship. We need to talk about monogamy the way we talk about sobriety, which you can be monogamous and fall off the wagon and then sober back up. You can monogamous back up and get back on the wagon. And the truth of the matter is that if you’re with somebody for 40, 50 years and they only cheated on you a few times they were good at being monogamous, not bad at being monogamous. They were good at it. So I do think there needs to be some leeway. And a lot of really good loving relationships are destroyed because somebody wants a little variety or isn’t getting a need met and feels they have to step out and it explodes the relationship. I'm conservative. I think that we should do what we can to preserve marriages and long-term relationships, and one way to do that is to encourage people to have more realistic attitudes about sexual exclusivity.
Posts: 22,416

01-26-2011, 11:39 AM	#31
RedNFeisty Smokin Join Date: May 2003 Location: Wichita Casino cash: $10004900	I'd be damn if I'm going to sit in the cave taking care of junior and not get some strange myself if hubby is out getting it. Once all is said and done, it really isn't difficult to be monogamous. The laws of attraction are always in play, it is just a matter of will power. Some people are just weaker then others in that department. Generally, people are only as strong as their options. The fewer the options, the more monogamous they are. Sad, but true. __________________ F.O.C.U.S sportsshrink: Don't bite the hand that feeds you!!!! "We the Fans" feed you Morons!!
Posts: 8,393

01-26-2011, 11:54 AM	#33
TimeForWasp Sprinkle in some Mahomes Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Butte Montana Casino cash: $7658507	monogomy = monopoly do not pass go, do not collect 200 women __________________ Posted via Slingshot using Rocks eBay sniper
Posts: 8,271

01-26-2011, 11:57 AM	#34
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $1020478	I prefer monogamy. Too lazy too seek multiple partners. Pain in the ****ing ass. Be nice to find one girl to bang regularly. __________________ Chiefs game films
Posts: 296,742

01-26-2011, 12:07 PM	#38
Mr. Flopnuts FINALLY! The wait is over. Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: The Future Is Now!!! Casino cash: $19947565	You gonna get AIDS!
Posts: 56,649

01-26-2011, 12:09 PM	#40
stevieray Most things I worry about… Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Under Pressure Casino cash: $-1104727	no, wearing a condom is ridiculous...literally and figuratively.
Posts: 73,981

01-26-2011, 12:15 PM	#43
Art Vader Geronimo! Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Krug Park Casino cash: $10006752	eh... everybody **** everybody
Posts: 601