Why Monogamy is Ridiculous

[Skyy God]

http://bigthink.com/ideas/24738

Dan Savage: Yeah, absolutely we need to rethink love and commitment. You know 60 years ago was when we decided that men had to be monogamous too. Men were not monogamous. For all of recorded human history men had concubines and whores, and 60 years ago straight relationships began to become more egalitarian and it was less of a property transaction—a marriage had been a property transaction for most of recorded human history—and it became a union of two equals. And at that moment instead of deciding to allow women to have the same sort of freedom and leeway that men did we decided to let men have the same limitations, impose the same limitations what women had and we put monogamous sexual commitment at the heart of all relationships, all long-term commitments, all marriages and we have watched.

We should now be able to recognize the consequences of that, which are a lot of short-term relationships, a lot of divorce. Because monogamy is ridiculous and people aren’t any good at it. We’re not wired for it. We didn’t evolve to be. It’s unnatural and it places a tremendous strain on our marriages and our long-term commitments to expect them to be effortlessly monogamous. Because what we said is "If you’re in love you shouldn’t... you won’t want to have sex with anybody else and what we need to tell people is that if you’re in love you can make a monogamous commitment and you will refrain from having sex with other people, but you will still desperately want to f**k the shit out of other people." But people understand love means I don’t want to f**k other people because of these misconceptions pumped into people’s heads about romance, love and what it means. And so they meet somebody else that they’re attracted to and they’re attracted to this other person. They go "Well, I must not be in love with my partner anymore otherwise I wouldn’t be attracted to this person." Or they feel threatened when their partners are attracted to other people because it makes them feel insecure and we just need to get passed that and we talk about monogamy the way we talk about virginity, that you’re monogamous until you f**k somebody else and they’re you’re not. You’ve ruined it. You popped your monogamy hymen and destroyed your monogamous relationship.

We need to talk about monogamy the way we talk about sobriety, which you can be monogamous and fall off the wagon and then sober back up. You can monogamous back up and get back on the wagon. And the truth of the matter is that if you’re with somebody for 40, 50 years and they only cheated on you a few times they were good at being monogamous, not bad at being monogamous. They were good at it. So I do think there needs to be some leeway. And a lot of really good loving relationships are destroyed because somebody wants a little variety or isn’t getting a need met and feels they have to step out and it explodes the relationship. I'm conservative. I think that we should do what we can to preserve marriages and long-term relationships, and one way to do that is to encourage people to have more realistic attitudes about sexual exclusivity.

[Demonpenz]

Originally Posted by Brock

Dude, if you could, you would. "Bored with it", "football interests me more than sex", LOL. There's something wrong with you.

Demongame....... clay's in good shape. All he needs to do is show his 6 pack and girls online will flock to them. Then there is time and energy involved. Pussy Value is at an all time high and the amount of workand effort into managing the pussy is very very high. Get some lube jack yourself off with alternate hands to really satisfy yourself. Then go about your day. Then try to be on your path. Good for ole GoChiefs. Now he just needs to stop getting into dumb fights and start applying for internships or something. he loves and has a gift of editing. go get it!

[Frazod]

Originally Posted by Inspector

I used to have a desk made of monogamy. I prefer oak though.

I tree what you did there.

[stevieray]

Originally Posted by frazod

I tree what you did there.

hey! you woodchucks!! quit chucking my desk!!!

[cdcox]

Originally Posted by BucEyedPea

I'd be interested to see something showing biology favors monogamy. I think it doesn't. I think it stems from other things beyond our bodies alone.
I think men think about sex much more often than women as a whole and visualize having it with more than a few of the women they encounter.
Doesn't mean they'd act on it. Not acting on it means we can control our biology.

If there were no jealosy and we didn't form emotional attachments to those we are intimate with, we would be a 100% polygomous species. The fact that we have always had some individuals who are polygomous while others are monogomous is a clear indication that our biology pulls us both ways.

[Hammock Parties]

Originally Posted by frazod

At this point, I've developed an Al Bundy philosophy towards women. The last thing I need is another one of the damned things driving me crazy.

Join the club.

[keg in kc]

I practice Nonogamy.

[FAX]

Originally Posted by keg in kc

I practice Nonogamy.

Beats the heck out of Bozonogamy, Mr. keg in kc.

It's hard to love a clown.

FAX

[Demonpenz]

Originally Posted by FAX

Beats the heck out of Bozonogamy, Mr. keg in kc.

It's hard to love a clown.

FAX

oh the beautiful and funny mr fax

[keg in kc]

Originally Posted by FAX

Beats the heck out of Bozonogamy, Mr. keg in kc.

It's hard to love a clown.

FAX

I love a clown all the time.

Or at least I box one.

[BucEyedPea]

Originally Posted by cdcox

If there were no jealosy and we didn't form emotional attachments to those we are intimate with, we would be a 100% polygomous species. The fact that we have always had some individuals who are polygomous while others are monogomous is a clear indication that our biology pulls us both ways.

I thought it was mostly primitive and ancient societies that were polygamous or polyandrous?
In less advanced times, like pastoral times, it's easier to be polygamous but later when economics advanced only a few practiced it as it strains the resources of men. It's quite expensive, so it was mainly
kings and the wealthy that practiced it where it was allowed. ( or concubinage) Having more than one wife was a sign of power and wealth. Also, some primitive societies held property in common which is another reason there were multiple sexual mates. Interestingly enough, this is why it is favored among Marxists, as in everyone's wife belongs to all. In other situations it was due to the scarcity of males, arising from wars or too many female births. So I would conclude that the arrangement is economic and survival while men still have a biological urge to mate with other women even if they don't act on it. One is relies on analytical reasoning in order to survive the other biological.

[alnorth]

The reason for Monogamy is jealousy. That is not a negative comment, its the simple truth.

Even if you love someone but also have a complete lack of jealousy, you can make all the "hey I love you, but I don't mind, if you are happy then I'm happy, and you should feel the same way" arguments you want, but if your partner doesn't feel the same deep inside, you won't convince or argue the jealousy out of them. If you want an open relationship, you are limited to the very few people in the world (which doesn't include me) that have a similar lack of jealousy.

The reason for monogamy is simple, and not nearly as interesting or complex as the reason for marriage. "why do we have marriage" is a separate question. (ie you can love and marry someone but also both not be monogamous)

[teedubya]

Originally Posted by cdcox

If there were no jealosy and we didn't form emotional attachments to those we are intimate with, we would be a 100% polygomous species. The fact that we have always had some individuals who are polygomous while others are monogomous is a clear indication that our biology pulls us both ways.

If you go Both Ways... don't feel ashamed, CD... it may be your nature.

[Gadzooks]

Originally Posted by jAZ

A huge part of monogamy is deliberately limiting your opportunity. If you choose not to deliberately limit your opportunity, you are choosing to fail and monogamy. It's not hard. If you choose not to try, that's your thing.

If you always go out to the bar with friends instead of going home to your wife and kids, you are choosing to make monogamy hard. While you are out at the bar, if you choose to be your buddy's "wingman", you are choosing to make monogamy hard. While you are wingman, if you choose to engage in flirting, you are choosing to make monogamy hard.

You can choose not to do any of those things, and that make monogamy easy.

In order to increase my chances at monogamy, I went to the extent of growing a massive gut. I also cut my face but that backfired cause the scar turned the chicks on even more.

[Mr. Plow]

Choices....choices.....

[Imon Yourside]

Ya baby if it feels good do it, No wonder this nation is going down the tubes. You can justify anything and it will be ok.