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Old 07-20-2013, 10:24 AM  
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
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Close call this morning
My girl's roomie is out of town and her great dane got violently ill yesterday... just destroyed their carpeting. I guess her mom took the initiative to call a cleaning company to come out this morning, and didn't tell my gf until 7am today that the company would be there at 8.


Well, she calls me at 8:15 and wakes me up. Tells me that she let the guy in and that while he was upstairs, she decided to clean the wood floor in their kitchen. She was on all 4, scrubbing the floor, and she hears him right behind her say, "mmm... You sure are pretty" in a creepy ass voice. She immediately went outside and called me, asking if I would come over until he leaves.

I was ready to kill, man. Threw on shorts and a tshirt, grabbed my 9 iron, and sped over to her place.

I park, and this dude is a sweaty guy in his 50's with a weird, bent pigeon leg. He's in the driveway turning on his power vac. I walk right by him into the house with the club over my shoulder, and he looks really confused.

I sit on the couch in the entry way, holding my club, and 5 mins later he walks in, says, "hi," to which I don't respond.

He goes in the kitchen and says to my girl, "is that club for me?!"

She says "he's going to the range in a bit" at the same time I say "maybe"

He starts to ask her another question and I let him know that is done speaking with her, and to finish cleaning the carpet and leave.

Son of a bitch shuts his mouth, hops the **** to, and leaves the second he's done.

I haven't been that heated in years.
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:03 AM   #16
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
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Lulz, no pics fellas. Thought that would hit on page 2. Good work!

And she was cleaning the wood floor because there was Great Dane vomit and diarrhea on it.

SOHAWTIKNOW
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:04 AM   #17
Cephalic Trauma Cephalic Trauma is offline
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If I was the carpet cleaner I may consider filing charges for threats or intimidation.
GTFO

(Unless you're joking, but if not...)

GTFO
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:05 AM   #18
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
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You needed a weapon? Lol
Didn't know if it was Patrick Willis I was walking into.

Turns out it was Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade.
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:08 AM   #19
Coogs Coogs is offline
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Didn't know if it was Patrick Willis I was walking into.

Turns out it was Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade.
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:09 AM   #20
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She was probably flirting with him, felt guilty about it, and made you come over to cover it up and make herself feel less guilty.

Now she will turn this around and use it as an excuse for you to move in with her.
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:10 AM   #21
tooge tooge is offline
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9 iron? Pfffft. Choke him out with your bare hands. Pussy.
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:10 AM   #22
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You needed a weapon? Lol

Not everyone is an internet he-man like you.
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:12 AM   #23
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
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9 iron? Pfffft. Choke him out with your bare hands. Pussy.
Patrick Willis, bro. That's what I had in my mind.
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:13 AM   #24
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
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Originally Posted by Alex Smith HATER View Post
She was probably flirting with him, felt guilty about it, and made you come over to cover it up and make herself feel less guilty.

Now she will turn this around and use it as an excuse for you to move in with her.
Something about pigeon legged old men gets her so wet
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:16 AM   #25
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Grab the relationship by the horns and tell her mom to stay the **** out of your relationship. Preferably in person holding the golf club.
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:18 AM   #26
tooge tooge is offline
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Patrick Willis, bro. That's what I had in my mind.
Ok. FYI though, if you gotta **** up a golf club on someone's head, don't **** up an important one like a 9 iron. What the hell you gonna do when you are 125 yards out? JFC, use your 3 iron.
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:19 AM   #27
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
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Lol. I like that suggestion
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:19 AM   #28
Cephalic Trauma Cephalic Trauma is offline
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She was probably flirting with him, felt guilty about it, and made you come over to cover it up and make herself feel less guilty.

Now she will turn this around and use it as an excuse for you to move in with her.
You are the last person to take advice from on subjects like these. Not just because you're you, but because you are consistently off base on everything that involves the opposite sex.
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:20 AM   #29
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
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Ok. FYI though, if you gotta **** up a golf club on someone's head, don't **** up an important one like a 9 iron. What the hell you gonna do when you are 125 yards out? JFC, use your 3 iron.
It was my friend's club, so I gave zero ****s
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:22 AM   #30
Cephalic Trauma Cephalic Trauma is offline
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Ok. FYI though, if you gotta **** up a golf club on someone's head, don't **** up an important one like a 9 iron. What the hell you gonna do when you are 125 yards out? JFC, use your 3 iron.
A rusty pipe would be more intimidating and mentally racking for the guy. He would be wondering where you want to put it as he finishes the carpet.
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