Got Advice?

[FAX]

I am in the midst of an horrific dilemma, Planeteers. What follows is the sad and heartbreaking tale of woe stuff.

Approximately two months ago, I decided to grow a beard. Not a big, long, fuzzy one that can hold mashed potatoes and a family of finches. Just a neatly trimmed goatee thing with mustache thing and bluesy turtle tail looking thing under the lower lip place. Kind of a Tony Stark type deal. I haven't had a beard of any sort since my days on the road, so it's kind of cool and in keeping with my music business persona stuff.

Anyhow, the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX is complaining. She says the beard is "prickly" when we kiss. Ergo, the mucho problemo. I like the beard and I like the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX. She is also a very good kisser ... or at least she was before the beard.

The issue is obvious. Do I keep the beard or do I shave? To be honest, I have been hopeful that the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX would become accustomed to the beard so that I might retain both my sporty new grill and my love life. She, however, holds the opposite opinion ... so damn.

Realizing that Planeteers are wise in the ways of love, marital problems, facial hair, and horrific dilemmas, I thought I'd ask for some advice and information. Do women get used to beards after awhile? Alternatively, is it actually possible that some women never get used to them? Should you be forced to decide between kissing a beautiful woman and sporting a cool beard complete with turtle tail thing, which would you choose? Were I to calculate the financial savings in razor blades and shaving cream, do you think she could turn from beard hater to beard supporter purely on economic grounds? Where do beards rank in the list of most common reasons for divorce?

Any assistance you could provide based upon your prior experience (with beards - not with the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX) would be greatly appreciated.

FAX THE HAIRY

[luv]

Originally Posted by RustShack

Tell her she has to shave you know where.

Where?

[FAX]

Originally Posted by DeezNutz

We need to know more about her reaction to offer you sound advice.

Does she respond like Absolon, with much mouth wiping and spitting after kissing your hole?

<--------------(amused by his own literary allusions)

Nothing so dramatic, Mr. DeezNutz. She just says that it's "prickly" and is strongly suggesting that I lose the beard.

I, however, see this as a matter of personal conviction and pride. For example, I can't see John Wayne or Clint Eastwood or Moe Howard shaving simply because a girl doesn't like it. Sometimes, a man just has to be a man about some stuff.

FAX THE MANLY

[Pioli Zombie]

I am not capable of not letting my own personal situation cloud my humble opinion on this matter so please bear that in mind when I say

TELL HER TO LEAVE YOU THE HELL ALONE AND GO MAKE YOU A SANDWICH AND BE GRATEFUL FOR ALL YOUVE DONE FOR HER FOR YEAR AFTER YEAR AFTER YEAR
Posted via Mobile Device

[DeezNutz]

Craft a wonderfully romantic lymeric to seduce her into loving the flavor saver.

[Hydrae]

Originally Posted by Just Passin' By

Use regular hair conditioner. It works for my goatee.

I use Pert on my head and just use some of that in the shower on my beard.

I am blessed to have a wife that likes facial hair! Most women either love it or hate it. Have you considered going opposite your current style and growing sideburns instead?

[FAX]

Originally Posted by Just Passin' By

Use regular hair conditioner. It works for my goatee.

Seriously? This may be the answer, right here. Don't go anywhere, Mr. Just Passin' By ...

What sort of conditioner do you use?

FAX

[FAX]

Originally Posted by Hydrae

I use Pert on my head and just use some of that in the shower on my beard.

I am blessed to have a wife that likes facial hair! Most women either love it or hate it. Have you considered going opposite your current style and growing sideburns instead?

Pert? What the hell is Pert?

As for the sideburns, thanks for the suggestion, Mr. Hydrae, but I didn't grow the beard out of some uncontrollable compulsion to have hair on my face somewhere. I just thought it would be something different and decided that I liked it. Little did I know at the time, it would cause a problem like this.

I was just hopeful that she would get used to it. Sounds like I was wrong, but how was I to know? She never complained about my eyebrows.

FAX THE UNFORTUNATE

[Rain Man]

I don't mean to be intrusive, but have you attempted any Taliban role-playing sex games with her? Maybe it's really the burqa that she doesn't like.

[DeezNutz]

After looking at your profile pic, I tend to agree with your wife. I see the musician angle, but, even trimmed, it's just not working:

[FAX]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I don't mean to be intrusive, but have you attempted any Taliban role-playing sex games with her? Maybe it's really the burqa that she doesn't like.

Well ... we have played "Find The Camel" a couple of times, Mr. Rain Man, but with no problems other than a few very minor scrapes and scratches.

So far as I am aware, her only complaint is the beard. And the live-in belly dancer.

FAX THE UNWILLINGLY ABSTINENT

[cdcox]

I have a colleague who had a beard when I met him. After several years he shaved it. Ever since then, every time I see him the first thing that pops into my head is, "Gee, now I know why he wore a beard."

Shave now before you meet someone new and you become FAX THE NOW I KNOW WHY HE WORE A BEARD

[FAX]

Good point there, Mr. cdcox.

I'm wondering if I should go Groucho and just paint one on. Best of both worlds.

FAX

[FAX]

Speak of the devil.

The beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX just called me to bed. Perhaps I am winning, after all.

For now, I shall bid you good night, Planeteers. And, thanks for the advice and assistance. Meanwhile, if anybody figures out what Pert is, please let me know.

FAX THE TENTATIVELY HOPEFUL

[RustShack]

Originally Posted by FAX

Speak of the devil.

The beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX just called me to bed. Perhaps I am winning, after all.

For now, I shall bid you good night, Planeteers. And, thanks for the advice and assistance. Meanwhile, if anybody figures out what Pert is, please let me know.

FAX THE TENTATIVELY HOPEFUL

Pert is a shampoo plus conditioner. I have used it before and its actually not bad at all.

[Buehler445]

Originally Posted by DeezNutz

After looking at your profile pic, I tend to agree with your wife. I see the musician angle, but, even trimmed, it's just not working:

Dude. No.