Hate licking envelopes? Not any more!

[Dartgod]

I present to you....


Bacon flavored envelope adhesive!

Technology has given us a lot lately. The car. TV. X-rays. The refrigerator. The Internet. Heck, we even cured polio. But what have our envelopes tasted like for the last 4,000 years? Armpit, that’s what.

Really, people? If we can’t overcome this kind of minor technical challenge, it’s only a matter of time until some super-advanced race of aliens with lasers, spaceships and a delicious federal mail system comes down and colonizes the world. And nobody wants that (except for the aliens, of course).

So, after thousands of years and kajillions of horrible tasting envelopes licked, we’re happy to report that J&D’s Bacon-Flavored Mmmvelopes™ are here to save the day. No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead.

That’s right, bacon. It’s not real bacon, mind you, so you won’t have to start storing your envelopes in the refrigerator. But it really does taste like bacon. Which is what you really wanted in the first place, isn’t it? And it only took us 4,000 years to get there. Eat that, alien invaders.

http://www.jdfoods.net/products/mmmvelopes.php

[Donger]

I can think of a few other flavors that would I wouldn't licking, but I'm too much of a gentleman to mention them.

[rad]

Originally Posted by Tylerthigpen!1!

never understood people's obsession with bacon

You are obviously not heterosexual.....bacon is used as currency in some cultures.

[Hydrae]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Given the dog-mailman connection, is this actually part of a nefarious terrorist plot to stop the mail and keep us from getting our CapitolOne ads and Crate & Barrel catalogs, thus grinding the economy to a halt? The fact that they're using bacon is likely a clue that they're trying to destroy us via the very things that they find unholy about our culture.

And their stuff remains safe from the marauding dogs becuase they won't use the bacon flavored ones. Brilliant!

[Bwana]

Originally Posted by Donger

I can think of a few other flavors that would I wouldn't licking, but I'm too much of a gentleman to mention them.

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

Sorry guys, but I supply the stuff this company is tainting the envelopes with. It all started as a joke on one of their buddies, but it quickly caught on and turned into a booming business so they kept the source quiet.

[Crush]

Just wait for the one idiot to die from poisoning due to "excessive licking." Then the family will sue for "emotional damage" and get millions out of the deal. It is friggin glue, it is supposed to taste bad. If you want to taste bacon, then fry some bacon and make yourself a bacon sandwich. Bacon and glue do not mix for a reason.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Donger

I can think of a few other flavors that would I wouldn't licking, but I'm too much of a gentleman to mention them.

"Frozen telephone pole" would be a great flavor.

[Crush]

A bowl of salt would be another flavor for them to consider.

[Skip Towne]

Our postmaster used to tell customers "I can sell you the stamps bt I can't lick them for you. I don't have a licker license"

[bevischief]

Duct tape

[Pioli Zombie]

They should make it taste like pussy. Guys wouldn't leave the house.
Posted via Mobile Device

[LaChapelle]

self adhesive FTW

[Slainte]

...

[Pioli Zombie]

Just be grateful they don't smell like Manginos ass after eating at the China Star
Posted via Mobile Device

[JD10367]

Originally Posted by Pioli Zombie

They should make it taste like pussy. Guys wouldn't leave the house.
Posted via Mobile Device

Bad idea. Then you'd have to listen to your wife telling you that you're licking the envelope wrong. "Not so fast! Slow down! Too rough! Oh, forget it, just give it to me and I'll have my girlfriend do it, she knows how!"