Funny Stuff Clean jokes can be funny too! - Page 27

Frankie · 05:17 PM

Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them.

Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts.

talastan · 09-21-2007, 01:15 PM

Don't know if any of these are repeats and I'm too lazy to look.. so......

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It (I love that one!)

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean and Twitches? A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers .

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?! The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile

greg63 · 09-22-2007, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frankie

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."

Hilarious!

**Skip Towne** · 09-24-2007, 11:09 AM

Then there was the case of the 7 year old Wichita boy who the SRS had taken away from his parents because they beat him. After careful thought, the judge asked the boy if he would like to live with his aunt. Oh, no, said the boy, she beats me too. As much as my parents do. They then asked if he would like to live with his grandmother. Oh, no, she's the worst of the bunch about beating me. After conferring with attorneys and child welfare people, the judge awarded custody to the Kansas State Wildcats. He said he was sure they couldn't beat anybody.

arrowhead20 · 09-24-2007, 01:23 PM

a sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager were walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. they rub it and a genie comes out. the genie says "ill grant each of you 1 wish".
me first me first!!! says the clerk. i want to be in the bahamas, driving a speed boat, without a care in the world. PUFF! shes gone.
me next me next, says the sales rep. i want to be in hawaii, relaxing on a private beach with my own personal maseuse, and an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life. PUFF! hes gone.
ok your'e up, said the genie to the manager. the manager says, i want thase 2 back in the office after lunch.
Moral of the story: Let your boss have th first say

bkkcoh · 09-27-2007, 01:20 PM

15. 180 degrees shy of heaven

14. Performing with Flaccido Domingo

13. A few parts shy of an erector set

12. Sch-wing and a miss

11. Not rising to the level of impeachable offense

10. The Null Monty

9. Disappointing Miss Daisy

8. Taking the gold at the Lake Flaccid Olympics

7. Ascension Deficit Disorder

6. Bouncing the Check of Love

5. Less-than-Magic Johnson

4. All Doled up with nowhere to go

3. Welcome to Flaccid City. Population: You

2. Serving boneless pork

1. Unleavened Man-Bread

Rooster · 10-01-2007, 04:07 PM

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. On one wet and lusty day, she was in bed with her lover when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to him. "Jump out the window. My husband's home early!"

"I can't jump out the window, it's raining out there!" came the reply from beneath the sheets.

"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems."

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window. As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon. So he started running alongside the others about -- 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could. It wasn't that effective! After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.

"Oh yes," he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you're running."

Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"

"Oh, yes," he answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

"Only if it's raining."

Frankie · 10-06-2007, 08:19 PM

The Great Escape

Rooster · 11-13-2007, 02:37 PM

Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.

"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."

"Oh, that's awful!"

"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry…"

Rooster · 11-13-2007, 02:41 PM

Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day , he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned.

The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but poor old Murphy passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned."

She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?"

"I don't think so," said the foreman: "He got out three times to go to the men's room."

Frankie · 11-13-2007, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rooster

Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.

"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."

"Oh, that's awful!"

"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry…"

**chasedude** · 11-14-2007, 11:57 AM

I got this one in an email today...

DO YOU FART IN BED? IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING SO
HARD, LET ME KNOW AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOU. THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE
WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS. THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR
MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE
AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES
WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR. EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM
TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT AS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE
COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NORMAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A
DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT. THE
YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE THANKSGIVING
MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS
SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL
THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER. SHE TOOK THE BOWL
AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING
THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS
UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS. SOME TIME
LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS
FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOTSTEPS AS
HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE
ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE
SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD. ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES
LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A
LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT THE
MATTER WAS. HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE
WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'. 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS
WIFE. 'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY
GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.' BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME
VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.'

Ecto-I · 11-14-2007, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chasedude

I got this one in an email today...

DO YOU FART IN BED? IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING SO
HARD, LET ME KNOW AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOU. THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE
WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS. THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR
MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE
AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES
WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR. EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM
TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT AS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE
COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NORMAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A
DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT. THE
YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE THANKSGIVING
MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS
SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL
THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER. SHE TOOK THE BOWL
AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING
THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS
UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS. SOME TIME
LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS
FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOTSTEPS AS
HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE
ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE
SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD. ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES
LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A
LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT THE
MATTER WAS. HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE
WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'. 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS
WIFE. 'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY
GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.' BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME
VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.'

Rooster · 11-14-2007, 01:59 PM

A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks down and says, "Do you know that you have a steering wheel in your pants?"

The pirate replies "Ay, it's drivin' me nuts."

**Lzen** · 11-14-2007, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chasedude

I got this one in an email today...

DO YOU FART IN BED? IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING SO
HARD, LET ME KNOW AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOU. THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE
WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS. THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR
MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE
AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES
WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR. EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM
TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT AS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE
COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NORMAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A
DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT. THE
YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE THANKSGIVING
MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS
SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL
THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER. SHE TOOK THE BOWL
AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING
THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS
UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS. SOME TIME
LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS
FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOTSTEPS AS
HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE
ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE
SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD. ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES
LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A
LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT THE
MATTER WAS. HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE
WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'. 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS
WIFE. 'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY
GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.' BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME
VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.'

Welcome to 1999.

RustShack · 11-14-2007, 03:30 PM

Dirty jokes are way better

09-25-2005, 09:00 AM
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	Clean jokes can be funny too! Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them. Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts. Last edited by Frankie; 07-10-2011 at 05:17 PM..
Posts: 26,959

09-21-2007, 01:15 PM	#391
talastan Manning, we're coming for you! Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Springfield, Mo Casino cash: $10004950	Don't know if any of these are repeats and I'm too lazy to look.. so...... 1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path 4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It (I love that one!) 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam! 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick 8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. 9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses. 10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko. 11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk. 12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite. 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean and Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. 14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef. 15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him. 16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers . 17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. 18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. 19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?! The Location Of The Dirt Bag. 20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. 21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack. 22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile __________________ Can we please just draft AND DEVELOP a QB - est. since 1983 Check out my band: Truett and the Traitors
Posts: 4,815

09-24-2007, 11:09 AM	#393
Skip Towne Supporter Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: T-Town Casino cash: $10004900	Then there was the case of the 7 year old Wichita boy who the SRS had taken away from his parents because they beat him. After careful thought, the judge asked the boy if he would like to live with his aunt. Oh, no, said the boy, she beats me too. As much as my parents do. They then asked if he would like to live with his grandmother. Oh, no, she's the worst of the bunch about beating me. After conferring with attorneys and child welfare people, the judge awarded custody to the Kansas State Wildcats. He said he was sure they couldn't beat anybody.
Posts: 69,689

09-24-2007, 01:23 PM	#394
arrowhead20 DUHN DUHN DUUUHHHNNN!!!! Join Date: May 2005 Location: Kansas city Casino cash: $8589115	a sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager were walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. they rub it and a genie comes out. the genie says "ill grant each of you 1 wish". me first me first!!! says the clerk. i want to be in the bahamas, driving a speed boat, without a care in the world. PUFF! shes gone. me next me next, says the sales rep. i want to be in hawaii, relaxing on a private beach with my own personal maseuse, and an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life. PUFF! hes gone. ok your'e up, said the genie to the manager. the manager says, i want thase 2 back in the office after lunch. Moral of the story: Let your boss have th first say __________________ " we're the guys who pay your parking, who buy your 6$ beer, who put money in your pocket!!!!......DONT fuck WITH US!!!!!!!!!!!
Posts: 126

09-27-2007, 01:20 PM	#395
bkkcoh MVP Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Lewis Center, Ohio USA Casino cash: $9805595	The Top 15 Euphemisms for Impotence 15. 180 degrees shy of heaven 14. Performing with Flaccido Domingo 13. A few parts shy of an erector set 12. Sch-wing and a miss 11. Not rising to the level of impeachable offense 10. The Null Monty 9. Disappointing Miss Daisy 8. Taking the gold at the Lake Flaccid Olympics 7. Ascension Deficit Disorder 6. Bouncing the Check of Love 5. Less-than-Magic Johnson 4. All Doled up with nowhere to go 3. Welcome to Flaccid City. Population: You 2. Serving boneless pork 1. Unleavened Man-Bread __________________ Brian K. Aspire to Inspire before you Expire
Posts: 5,506

10-01-2007, 04:07 PM	#396
Rooster Draft a QB Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: JoCo Casino cash: $9961689	A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. On one wet and lusty day, she was in bed with her lover when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. "Oh my God - hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to him. "Jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window, it's raining out there!" came the reply from beneath the sheets. "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems." So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window. As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon. So he started running alongside the others about -- 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could. It wasn't that effective! After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer. "Do you always run in the nude?" one asked. "Oh yes," he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you're running." Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?" "Oh, yes," he answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!" Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" "Only if it's raining." __________________ When Reno Hightower was a prick he was the best damn quarterback in the history of Kern County.
Posts: 5,753

10-06-2007, 08:19 PM	#397
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	The Great Escape Attached Thumbnails
Posts: 26,959

11-13-2007, 02:37 PM	#398
Rooster Draft a QB Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: JoCo Casino cash: $9961689	Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked. "Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee." "Oh, that's awful!" "You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry…" __________________ When Reno Hightower was a prick he was the best damn quarterback in the history of Kern County.
Posts: 5,753

11-13-2007, 02:41 PM	#399
Rooster Draft a QB Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: JoCo Casino cash: $9961689	Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day , he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but poor old Murphy passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "I don't think so," said the foreman: "He got out three times to go to the men's room." __________________ When Reno Hightower was a prick he was the best damn quarterback in the history of Kern County.
Posts: 5,753

11-14-2007, 11:57 AM	#401
chasedude Supporter Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: St. Joe Casino cash: $10004900	I got this one in an email today... DO YOU FART IN BED? IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING SO HARD, LET ME KNOW AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOU. THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS. THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR. EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT AS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NORMAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT. THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER. SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS. SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOTSTEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD. ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT THE MATTER WAS. HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'. 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE. 'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.' BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.'
Posts: 36,287

11-14-2007, 01:59 PM	#403
Rooster Draft a QB Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: JoCo Casino cash: $9961689	A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks down and says, "Do you know that you have a steering wheel in your pants?" The pirate replies "Ay, it's drivin' me nuts." __________________ When Reno Hightower was a prick he was the best damn quarterback in the history of Kern County.
Posts: 5,753

11-14-2007, 03:30 PM	#405
RustShack **** That Noise Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Jack Trice Casino cash: $4586954	Dirty jokes are way better __________________
Posts: 15,049