How long would you wait? - Page 3

DJay23 · 07-01-2006, 05:29 PM

Alright imagine (if you are married) or consider (if you are not) that you are a single man (or woman, but this is written from a man's point of view) in your mid to late 20's. You've dated many people and have not found the one girl who makes your mint life saver spark. Then one day, you meet someone with potential. After some getting to know one another you feel very strongly that this could develop into "the one." She is your counterpart in almost every way you can recognize in a month and a half. But a snag. This person is just off a horrible break up and feels it necessary to give herself some more time to work through her pain from that, yet very much wants to be involved with you. She feels it's not fair to you to get involved while she's in such a bad place (those of you who have been cheated on after a long relationship know that feeling). Let's assume that you trust this person is genuine and isn't just playing you.

As near as you can tell, this is your dreamgirl. How long would YOU wait for her.

Yes, this is something I am asking myself at this very moment.

I thought about a poll, but I'd rather see your personally constructed responses. I don't think anyone will sway me one way or another, I'm just curious what others would say if in the same situation.

At this point in time, I'll stay patiently in the background until she is ready. No time limit for me. I feel that she is worth it...

whoaskew · 07-02-2006, 02:50 AM

I suggest you keep looking. She is not ready and there is no guarantee when or if she ever will be. You could miss out on someone special while you are waiting for her to come around.

If it is meant to be between you two, you will get an opportunity later. Obviously it is not meant to happen right now.

07-02-2006, 03:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whoaskew

I suggest you keep looking. She is not ready and there is no guarantee when or if she ever will be. You could miss out on someone special while you are waiting for her to come around.

If it is meant to be between you two, you will get an opportunity later. Obviously it is not meant to happen right now.

Who asked you?

That's crap. If you feel there's a future, then wait. If not, move on. This dating/marriage thing really isn't all that difficult. Honesty and communication go a long way towards long-term success.

jspchief · 07-02-2006, 04:56 AM

So how far off this breakup is she?

Many years ago, I was on the other end of a similar relationship. My fiance called off our engagement a few months before the wedding, not for any deficiency in the relationship, just because she "needed to have some fun". Needless to say, I was pretty broken up over it.

A month or two later, I met a girl and we started dating. To be honest, I was doing it because I needed the company more than anything else. All the time we were dating, I kept telling myself I didn't want a relationship. Sometimes it projected itself into my actions, but this girl was persistent and weathered my bad days. Then a day came, after about 8 months of dating this girl that "I didn't care about", where I realized that in spite of all my insistance that I didn't want a relationship, I was still with this woman. Fast forward to today, and we're happily married with an incredible daughter.

So my advice would be to be persistent. Had my wife not been, we wouldn't be together. Not smothering, just willing to ride the waves for awhile. If 6 months from now she's still making excuses, then it's time to move on. If she's all you claim, she's worthy of the work and the wait. If you guys are truly meant to be, she's one day going to realize that her life is about what it's become with you, not what it was with someone in the past.

I'd also remind you that you're dealing with a woman, and a lot of them are plain crazy. She may just be milking the situation for the drama/attention. I suggest you really examine the way she weilds her "emotional distress". It may just be a ploy to get your attention. I don't know how old she is, but if she's near your age, she should be mature enough to get over a bad breakup in a reasonable amount of time. If this happened 6+ months ago, I think it's time to ask yourself why she's still hung up on something that clearly didn't work.

**Bob Dole** · 07-02-2006, 05:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJay23

As near as you can tell, this is your dreamgirl. How long would YOU wait for her.

About 12 hours.

Eskimo Joe · 07-02-2006, 07:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phobia

Who asked you?

That's crap. If you feel there's a future, then wait. If not, move on. This dating/marriage thing really isn't all that difficult. Honesty and communication go a long way towards long-term success.

So how many times have you been married?

Sounds like you have plenty of experience in that field.

Eskimo Joe · 07-02-2006, 07:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jspchief

So how far off this breakup is she?

Many years ago, I was on the other end of a similar relationship. My fiance called off our engagement a few months before the wedding, not for any deficiency in the relationship, just because she "needed to have some fun". Needless to say, I was pretty broken up over it.

A month or two later, I met a girl and we started dating. To be honest, I was doing it because I needed the company more than anything else. All the time we were dating, I kept telling myself I didn't want a relationship. Sometimes it projected itself into my actions, but this girl was persistent and weathered my bad days. Then a day came, after about 8 months of dating this girl that "I didn't care about", where I realized that in spite of all my insistance that I didn't want a relationship, I was still with this woman. Fast forward to today, and we're happily married with an incredible daughter.

So my advice would be to be persistent. Had my wife not been, we wouldn't be together. Not smothering, just willing to ride the waves for awhile. If 6 months from now she's still making excuses, then it's time to move on. If she's all you claim, she's worthy of the work and the wait. If you guys are truly meant to be, she's one day going to realize that her life is about what it's become with you, not what it was with someone in the past.

I'd also remind you that you're dealing with a woman, and a lot of them are plain crazy. She may just be milking the situation for the drama/attention. I suggest you really examine the way she weilds her "emotional distress". It may just be a ploy to get your attention. I don't know how old she is, but if she's near your age, she should be mature enough to get over a bad breakup in a reasonable amount of time. If this happened 6+ months ago, I think it's time to ask yourself why she's still hung up on something that clearly didn't work.

alot of them? how about all of them?

when dealing with women there are a very distinct set of rules, then every 28 days those rules are subject to change.

DJay23 · 07-02-2006, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jspchief

So how far off this breakup is she?

Many years ago, I was on the other end of a similar relationship. My fiance called off our engagement a few months before the wedding, not for any deficiency in the relationship, just because she "needed to have some fun". Needless to say, I was pretty broken up over it.

A month or two later, I met a girl and we started dating. To be honest, I was doing it because I needed the company more than anything else. All the time we were dating, I kept telling myself I didn't want a relationship. Sometimes it projected itself into my actions, but this girl was persistent and weathered my bad days. Then a day came, after about 8 months of dating this girl that "I didn't care about", where I realized that in spite of all my insistance that I didn't want a relationship, I was still with this woman. Fast forward to today, and we're happily married with an incredible daughter.

So my advice would be to be persistent. Had my wife not been, we wouldn't be together. Not smothering, just willing to ride the waves for awhile. If 6 months from now she's still making excuses, then it's time to move on. If she's all you claim, she's worthy of the work and the wait. If you guys are truly meant to be, she's one day going to realize that her life is about what it's become with you, not what it was with someone in the past.

I'd also remind you that you're dealing with a woman, and a lot of them are plain crazy. She may just be milking the situation for the drama/attention. I suggest you really examine the way she weilds her "emotional distress". It may just be a ploy to get your attention. I don't know how old she is, but if she's near your age, she should be mature enough to get over a bad breakup in a reasonable amount of time. If this happened 6+ months ago, I think it's time to ask yourself why she's still hung up on something that clearly didn't work.

Thank you for your input. She is 23 but from all signs is a mature 23. The break up was 3 months ago. She's never spoken about her ex other than to plainly say that he cheated on her and was not nice to her. Never any great detail beyond him leaving her at home in bed while he's out partying and whoring himself. And she wasn't a raving, she was very matter of fact about it. I've never experienced her raving and becoming "emotional" only heard her describe that emptiness that one is left with after such a break up. Usually I am the most skeptical person around, but in this case I believe that she is really in pain. From everything she has said and described to me, sounds a lot like I did when I went through the same thing.

Eskimo Joe · 07-02-2006, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJay23

Thank you for your input. She is 23 but from all signs is a mature 23. The break up was 3 months ago. She's never spoken about her ex other than to plainly say that he cheated on her and was not nice to her. Never any great detail beyond him leaving her at home in bed while he's out partying and whoring himself. And she wasn't a raving, she was very matter of fact about it. I've never experienced her raving and becoming "emotional" only heard her describe that emptiness that one is left with after such a break up. Usually I am the most skeptical person around, but in this case I believe that she is really in pain. From everything she has said and described to me, sounds a lot like I did when I went through the same thing.

In that case I'd tell her when she is ready for some serious business to give you a call. It doesn't sound like she was out trolling for a strange pecker but her pecker was out searching for some strange poon.

Getting a winner on the rebound doesn't really sound that bad.

07-02-2006, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eskimo Joe

So how many times have you been married?

Sounds like you have plenty of experience in that field.

I'm 4 years into my second marriage - 9 years into this relationship so I do have a little bit of experience. I like to share my life experiences with people in hopes that they won't repeat the same mistakes I made.

**luv** · 07-02-2006, 10:12 AM

You can't go into a relationship thinking it will end up like all your other relationships. Yet, you also can't go into it thinking she's 'the one' from the get go. Just take each day as it comes. Whatever happens happens. Are the two of you already in an exclusive relationship? If she's not ready, don't sit around and wait. This could just be another girl, and your Miss Right might be the one you pass up while waiting for her to get over her past.

FAX · 07-02-2006, 10:15 AM

1 year if the girl in question is ugly. 1 week if she it hot.

Hot girls get over things much more quickly than ugly ones.

FAX

**luv** · 07-02-2006, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FAX

1 year if the girl in question is ugly. 1 week if she it hot.

Hot girls get over things much more quickly than ugly ones.

FAX

That's because they know it will be a sinch to find someone new.

FAX · 07-02-2006, 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luv

That's because they know it will be a sinch to find someone new.

Exactly, Ms. luv. Which only goes to show that pretty people are in danger of ugly people at all times.

FAX

keg in kc · 07-02-2006, 11:55 AM

I would not look at it as waiting. I would look at it as being there for this person, helping them get through what they're going through. For them, not for you, and not just because you want something from them. If you can do that, you know the potential is genuine, from your perspective. Then you can start to worry about reciprocation. Time should not even be an element, because a real life-long relationship is worth whatever time and effort that it takes. People think you have to rush into these things but you really don't (I can't believe I'm saying that, if anybody knew what was going on in my life right now, lol).

As for the "keep looking, you might miss out" sentiment, well, I'm of the school that says people who look for love are generally desperate. They're so afraid of being alone that they settle for less than they want or need, and they usually find people who are just like them. Often there's some deception involved, and they find out later that who they have isn't who they thought they'd found, and things end badly. So my advice is don't look, just live life and take advantage of what comes to you.

That's just my opinion, of course. But I'm not exactly Dr. Love.

mcan · 07-02-2006, 12:05 PM

You should stay on your game... Be aggressive. You shouldn't really have to wait for her to "heal" since there really isn't such a thing. Emotional "healing" is just emotional replacement and forgetting rolled into one. Help her replace her current shit emotions with good ones. Ask her out, but keep it casual.

Right now, emotional healing probably isn't the real reason why she doesn't want to date. She doesn't want to date because she associates dating with bad feelings. Once she gets back on the horse and realizes that if she dated you, she would associate dating with GOOD feelings, you're in the clear.

This doesn't have to be a long process. But the worst that you can do is sit back and relax and let some DICKHEAD come along and steal her out from under you while you're being the nice guy and "waiting" like she says she wants, or might even think she wants... But doesn't really. What she really wants is to feel better.

07-01-2006, 05:29 PM
DJay23 Rock Chalk Jayhawk Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: PA Casino cash: $2673317	How long would you wait? Alright imagine (if you are married) or consider (if you are not) that you are a single man (or woman, but this is written from a man's point of view) in your mid to late 20's. You've dated many people and have not found the one girl who makes your mint life saver spark. Then one day, you meet someone with potential. After some getting to know one another you feel very strongly that this could develop into "the one." She is your counterpart in almost every way you can recognize in a month and a half. But a snag. This person is just off a horrible break up and feels it necessary to give herself some more time to work through her pain from that, yet very much wants to be involved with you. She feels it's not fair to you to get involved while she's in such a bad place (those of you who have been cheated on after a long relationship know that feeling). Let's assume that you trust this person is genuine and isn't just playing you. As near as you can tell, this is your dreamgirl. How long would YOU wait for her. Yes, this is something I am asking myself at this very moment. I thought about a poll, but I'd rather see your personally constructed responses. I don't think anyone will sway me one way or another, I'm just curious what others would say if in the same situation. At this point in time, I'll stay patiently in the background until she is ready. No time limit for me. I feel that she is worth it...
Posts: 8,773

07-02-2006, 02:50 AM	#31
whoaskew Starter Join Date: Jul 2005 Casino cash: $8101930	I suggest you keep looking. She is not ready and there is no guarantee when or if she ever will be. You could miss out on someone special while you are waiting for her to come around. If it is meant to be between you two, you will get an opportunity later. Obviously it is not meant to happen right now.
Posts: 403

07-02-2006, 04:56 AM	#33
jspchief BAMF Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Your Face Casino cash: $9998710	So how far off this breakup is she? Many years ago, I was on the other end of a similar relationship. My fiance called off our engagement a few months before the wedding, not for any deficiency in the relationship, just because she "needed to have some fun". Needless to say, I was pretty broken up over it. A month or two later, I met a girl and we started dating. To be honest, I was doing it because I needed the company more than anything else. All the time we were dating, I kept telling myself I didn't want a relationship. Sometimes it projected itself into my actions, but this girl was persistent and weathered my bad days. Then a day came, after about 8 months of dating this girl that "I didn't care about", where I realized that in spite of all my insistance that I didn't want a relationship, I was still with this woman. Fast forward to today, and we're happily married with an incredible daughter. So my advice would be to be persistent. Had my wife not been, we wouldn't be together. Not smothering, just willing to ride the waves for awhile. If 6 months from now she's still making excuses, then it's time to move on. If she's all you claim, she's worthy of the work and the wait. If you guys are truly meant to be, she's one day going to realize that her life is about what it's become with you, not what it was with someone in the past. I'd also remind you that you're dealing with a woman, and a lot of them are plain crazy. She may just be milking the situation for the drama/attention. I suggest you really examine the way she weilds her "emotional distress". It may just be a ploy to get your attention. I don't know how old she is, but if she's near your age, she should be mature enough to get over a bad breakup in a reasonable amount of time. If this happened 6+ months ago, I think it's time to ask yourself why she's still hung up on something that clearly didn't work. __________________ Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.
Posts: 27,207

07-02-2006, 10:12 AM	#40
luv MY LITTLE #15 Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Springfield, MO Casino cash: $6079600	You can't go into a relationship thinking it will end up like all your other relationships. Yet, you also can't go into it thinking she's 'the one' from the get go. Just take each day as it comes. Whatever happens happens. Are the two of you already in an exclusive relationship? If she's not ready, don't sit around and wait. This could just be another girl, and your Miss Right might be the one you pass up while waiting for her to get over her past.
Posts: 63,447

07-02-2006, 10:15 AM	#41
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	1 year if the girl in question is ugly. 1 week if she it hot. Hot girls get over things much more quickly than ugly ones. FAX
Posts: 44,492

07-02-2006, 11:55 AM	#44
keg in kc oxymoron Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: OP/KC/Whatever Casino cash: $9556299	I would not look at it as waiting. I would look at it as being there for this person, helping them get through what they're going through. For them, not for you, and not just because you want something from them. If you can do that, you know the potential is genuine, from your perspective. Then you can start to worry about reciprocation. Time should not even be an element, because a real life-long relationship is worth whatever time and effort that it takes. People think you have to rush into these things but you really don't (I can't believe I'm saying that, if anybody knew what was going on in my life right now, lol). As for the "keep looking, you might miss out" sentiment, well, I'm of the school that says people who look for love are generally desperate. They're so afraid of being alone that they settle for less than they want or need, and they usually find people who are just like them. Often there's some deception involved, and they find out later that who they have isn't who they thought they'd found, and things end badly. So my advice is don't look, just live life and take advantage of what comes to you. That's just my opinion, of course. But I'm not exactly Dr. Love.
Posts: 58,682

07-02-2006, 12:05 PM	#45
mcan Apr 13,1949 – Dec 15, 2011 Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Kansas City, MO Casino cash: $9996085	You should stay on your game... Be aggressive. You shouldn't really have to wait for her to "heal" since there really isn't such a thing. Emotional "healing" is just emotional replacement and forgetting rolled into one. Help her replace her current shit emotions with good ones. Ask her out, but keep it casual. Right now, emotional healing probably isn't the real reason why she doesn't want to date. She doesn't want to date because she associates dating with bad feelings. Once she gets back on the horse and realizes that if she dated you, she would associate dating with GOOD feelings, you're in the clear. This doesn't have to be a long process. But the worst that you can do is sit back and relax and let some DICKHEAD come along and steal her out from under you while you're being the nice guy and "waiting" like she says she wants, or might even think she wants... But doesn't really. What she really wants is to feel better.
Posts: 3,761