Funny Stuff ****OFFICIAL DAD JOKES THREAD**** - Page 3

In58men · 09:29 PM

How does the moon give the sun a haircut?

Eclipse it.

otherstar · 08-20-2017, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pestilence

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef

In58men · 08-20-2017, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by otherstar

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef

What do you call a Deer with no eyes?

No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and legs?

Still no eye deer

What do you call virgin deer with no eyes and legs?

Still no ****ing eye deer.

big nasty kcnut · 08-20-2017, 01:50 PM

A guy walked into a bar he said ow!

Rasputin · 08-20-2017, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nickhead

your mom's so fat, she has to open a window to wipe

Your mom is so fat when she goes to the beach she is the only one to get a tan.

baitism · 08-20-2017, 02:00 PM

A bear walks into the bar and says, "I'll have a gin and..........tonic."

The bartender says, "Why the long pause."

The bear hold up arms and says, "I don't know, I've always had them."

big nasty kcnut · 08-20-2017, 02:15 PM

A priest a rabbi and a duck walked into a bar the bartender say what is this some kind of joke?

otherstar · 08-20-2017, 02:36 PM

Did you hear about the man with five penises? His pants fit like a glove

Statistically speaking, people who celebrate their birthday every year live the longest

Why did the smartphone need glasses? Because he lost all of his contacts

Rasputin · 08-21-2017, 01:08 PM

I marked the spot

Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish.

One guy said to his friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."

The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend,

"Did you mark that spot?"

His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat."

The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"

Nickhead · 08-21-2017, 03:29 PM

what do you call a one legged woman?

eileen

what do you call a one legged chinese woman?

ireen

**Baby Lee** · 08-21-2017, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KC Tattoo

I marked the spot

Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish.

One guy said to his friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."

The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend,

"Did you mark that spot?"

His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat."

The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"

Reminds me of when we were building our new church building when I was a teenager.

One of the congregants was a professional painter and had an assistant [general laborer] come help him paint one of the days.

They were carrying the air compressor up the steps to spray paint the sanctuary, and the helper was heaving and groaning.

They get it to the top of the steps, and the guy looks at the compressor and looks at the painter, looks at the painter, and looks at the compressor. Sweating and shaking his head.

Then, . . . this gem.

'Well, no ****ing wonder Bob. . . . you got 150 pounds of AIR in this ****ing thing!!'

KS Smitty · 08-21-2017, 09:46 PM

2 birds were sitting on a perch. One turned to the other and said, "Do you smell fish?"

08-17-2017, 07:50 PM
In58men Baba Ganoush Join Date: Jan 2012 Casino cash: $1908026	**OFFICIAL DAD JOKES THREAD** How does the moon give the sun a haircut? Eclipse it. Last edited by In58men; 08-17-2017 at 09:29 PM..
Posts: 29,378

08-20-2017, 01:50 PM	#33
big nasty kcnut The pizza king of kansas Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Somewhere in the u.s.a. Casino cash: $1230900	A guy walked into a bar he said ow! __________________ When it's grim, be the grim reaper and go get it. Adopt a chiefs Travis Kelce. You woke up the wrong mother****er!
Posts: 18,906

08-20-2017, 02:00 PM	#35
baitism Starter Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Overland Park, KS Casino cash: $5019551	A bear walks into the bar and says, "I'll have a gin and..........tonic." The bartender says, "Why the long pause." The bear hold up arms and says, "I don't know, I've always had them."
Posts: 127

08-20-2017, 02:15 PM	#36
big nasty kcnut The pizza king of kansas Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Somewhere in the u.s.a. Casino cash: $1230900	A priest a rabbi and a duck walked into a bar the bartender say what is this some kind of joke? __________________ When it's grim, be the grim reaper and go get it. Adopt a chiefs Travis Kelce. You woke up the wrong mother****er!
Posts: 18,906

08-20-2017, 02:36 PM	#37
otherstar Veteran Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Houston, TX area Casino cash: $8352083	Did you hear about the man with five penises? His pants fit like a glove Statistically speaking, people who celebrate their birthday every year live the longest Why did the smartphone need glasses? Because he lost all of his contacts
Posts: 1,568

08-21-2017, 01:08 PM	#38
Rasputin Tip of the hat LIV Champs Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: ks Casino cash: $3155421	I marked the spot Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow." The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, "Did you mark that spot?" His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat." The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?" __________________ A Brave Man Once Requested Me To Answer Questions That Are Key 'Is It To Be Or Not To Be' And I Replied Oh Why Ask Me
Posts: 54,985

08-21-2017, 03:29 PM	#39
Nickhead EvOlVeD Join Date: Jun 2016 Location: Blue Mountains, Australia Casino cash: $2279868	what do you call a one legged woman? eileen what do you call a one legged chinese woman? ireen
Posts: 8,225

08-21-2017, 09:46 PM	#41
KS Smitty Cool as a Cucumber Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: on the edge Casino cash: $3666717	2 birds were sitting on a perch. One turned to the other and said, "Do you smell fish?" __________________ A D with Sneed is a D indeed.
Posts: 3,822