Got Advice?

[FAX]

I am in the midst of an horrific dilemma, Planeteers. What follows is the sad and heartbreaking tale of woe stuff.

Approximately two months ago, I decided to grow a beard. Not a big, long, fuzzy one that can hold mashed potatoes and a family of finches. Just a neatly trimmed goatee thing with mustache thing and bluesy turtle tail looking thing under the lower lip place. Kind of a Tony Stark type deal. I haven't had a beard of any sort since my days on the road, so it's kind of cool and in keeping with my music business persona stuff.

Anyhow, the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX is complaining. She says the beard is "prickly" when we kiss. Ergo, the mucho problemo. I like the beard and I like the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX. She is also a very good kisser ... or at least she was before the beard.

The issue is obvious. Do I keep the beard or do I shave? To be honest, I have been hopeful that the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX would become accustomed to the beard so that I might retain both my sporty new grill and my love life. She, however, holds the opposite opinion ... so damn.

Realizing that Planeteers are wise in the ways of love, marital problems, facial hair, and horrific dilemmas, I thought I'd ask for some advice and information. Do women get used to beards after awhile? Alternatively, is it actually possible that some women never get used to them? Should you be forced to decide between kissing a beautiful woman and sporting a cool beard complete with turtle tail thing, which would you choose? Were I to calculate the financial savings in razor blades and shaving cream, do you think she could turn from beard hater to beard supporter purely on economic grounds? Where do beards rank in the list of most common reasons for divorce?

Any assistance you could provide based upon your prior experience (with beards - not with the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX) would be greatly appreciated.

FAX THE HAIRY

[Iowanian]

Originally Posted by RustShack

Keep the beard. She can deal or walk.

Am I the only one who finds this particular post, hilarious?



Take'r on a magic moustache ride and see if that changes her mind.
Facial hair hasn't caught on at my house and ever attempt has been shot down like a 1 engine bomber flying low over 1944 germany.

I told brideowanian more than once that I'm married now, I don't have to be cool or buff anymore.

[Jethopper]

hippie.

[Red Beans]

Soaking your beard in gasoline helps and it also prevents the swine flu...

[EyePod]

Please the woman, or you'll be getting less. Shave the beard and anything else she wants too. I'd rather no hair and great sex than complaints of prickliness and spit in your dinner.

[Iowanian]

Tell her the beard is like a hunger strike until she shaves her legs.


Its stuff like that that keeps my house lively....or gets me extra time to fish and hunt.

[Hydrae]

Originally Posted by FAX

Pert? What the hell is Pert?

As for the sideburns, thanks for the suggestion, Mr. Hydrae, but I didn't grow the beard out of some uncontrollable compulsion to have hair on my face somewhere. I just thought it would be something different and decided that I liked it. Little did I know at the time, it would cause a problem like this.

I was just hopeful that she would get used to it. Sounds like I was wrong, but how was I to know? She never complained about my eyebrows.

FAX THE UNFORTUNATE

Pert is shampoo and conditioner in one. I thought most everyone knew what Pert was. Here is a link for you...

http://www.pertplus.com/

[Joie]

Having never met Aces' chin in the 5 1/2 years we've been together, I am somewhat envious of Mrs. FAX. At least she knows what lies beneath the facial hair.

When my parents were still together they had a compromise. Dad would wear the beard for winter, and shave for summer. That way they both got what they wanted. There again though, Mom knew what was under the beard.

JOIE....A LITTLE AFRAID OF WHAT HER HUSBAND MAY BE HIDING UNDER THE GOATEE

[Katipan]

I've never loved a man without facial fuzz.
That's pretty ****ing scary.

I like when the baby face makes an appearance, but at the end of the day, I like scruffy.

[Coogs]

I've never had a beard, and you don't seem to be interested in previous experience with Mrs. FAX. I got nuthin'!

[FAX]

Okay, I've stocked up on Pert. I bought tons of that stuff. My plan is to submerge my head in Pert for as long as I can hold my breath and repeat until dizzy. Don't worry, I googled up some stuff, then I did an internet search and have found no instance of a man drowning in Pert.

I'll keep you posted.

FAX THE SOON TO BE SOFT AND FUZZY LIKE A BUNNY

[Zebedee DuBois]

Mr. Fax, sir,
As many have already alluded to, the essence of being a man is to pursue a woman. One need only look around himself and observe what nature demands of the male of each and every species to know what you must do to be manly. Why does the woolly mountain ram beat his skull against another? To impress the ewe. Why does the prairie chicken dance and strut? To win the interest of the female. Why does the peacock display his glorious plumage for the peacu....err...peahen? To try to get a little action.

Now ask yourself, "Are my hair growing actions getting me more or less female attention?" Now act accordingly.

[mlyonsd]

Tell her to get back in the kitchen.

[rtmike]

Originally Posted by mlyonsd

Tell her to get back in the kitchen.

Her eyes must have healed up.

[Adept Havelock]

Since I've regrown mine, I use these "Beardsley" products:

http://www.beardcareproducts.com/

Try the Beard Wash and Beard Saver two pack at the bottom of the link page.

[rtmike]

Originally Posted by RustShack

Tell her she has to shave you know where.

Maybe her hairs are prickly too.

I know it takes a glass of water to get one to wash down.



My wife likes the 'stache & butt scrubber. Then again I have a big ass mole under my nose so I haven't shaved the 'stache since the peach fuzz days of the early 80's.