Life need advice with family issue

Brock · 11-19-2012, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mile High Mania

You can view it as a teaching moment too... one day, your kids will grow up and how would you like them to handle a similar situation? I don't know how old the kids are, so they may not be ready for it.

The good news is that YOU can be ready for it and YOU will be ready for it... plan accordingly and do right by the family.

I want my kids to raise their kids, not try to protect me from my own screwed up choices. That's how it works.

Mile High Mania · 11-19-2012, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

I want my kids to raise their kids, not try to protect me from my own screwed up choices. That's how it works.

I'm not saying that's the wrong way to look at it... but, this is his mother. I'd like to think that if something like this were to happen in my family, that my brother or I would support my mom. I'd like to know that down the road... my boys would do what they need to do to support their mom.

I don't know if his mom has a history of bad decisions or not - is this just abnormal and a bad deal because she's trying to live her life for the first time in forever without his father (died 4 years ago) and she's just in a hell of a bad relationship? If so, then he needs to support his mother and not bail out on her - regardless of how f'ed up this could be...

Family is family, he doesn't show up and the drunk boyfriend wins and further dictates how life rolls.

htismaqe · 11-19-2012, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mile High Mania

Family is family, he doesn't show up and the drunk boyfriend wins and further dictates how life rolls.

1 trip there on Thanksgiving isn't going to fix that.

The drunk boyfriend is there 24x7 and has complete control of the situation.

Him showing up on Thanksgiving only means the BF has to wait until he leaves to start being an asshole again.

Not showing up tells his mother loud and clear that he doesn't approve.

This isn't about the BF, this is about his mother.

Mile High Mania · 11-19-2012, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by htismaqe

1 trip there on Thanksgiving isn't going to fix that.

The drunk boyfriend is there 24x7 and has complete control of the situation.

Him showing up on Thanksgiving only means the BF has to wait until he leaves to start being an asshole again.

Not showing up tells his mother loud and clear that he doesn't approve.

This isn't about the BF, this is about his mother.

All true. But, there's a lot we don't know... and if this is a situation where she's kind of crying out for help, then he's leaving her in a dire situation. This is about his mother, which is why I'd go ... maybe you leave the kids at home, but I think I still go if I'm him.

Again - lots of back story here that is not known.

htismaqe · 11-19-2012, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mile High Mania

All true. But, there's a lot we don't know... and if this is a situation where she's kind of crying out for help, then he's leaving her in a dire situation. This is about his mother, which is why I'd go ... maybe you leave the kids at home, but I think I still go if I'm him.

Again - lots of back story here that is not known.

The only way him going to Thanksgiving dinner helps her is if she LEAVES WITH HIM afterwards.

Him showing up proves nothing since things go back to "normal" the minute he closes the door.

Mile High Mania · 11-19-2012, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by htismaqe

The only way him going to Thanksgiving dinner helps her is if she LEAVES WITH HIM afterwards.

Him showing up proves nothing since things go back to "normal" the minute he closes the door.

Well, I suppose he should just say adios to Mom and he'll catch her on the flipside when she kicks Mr Wonderful to the curb.

Brock · 11-19-2012, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mile High Mania

I'm not saying that's the wrong way to look at it... but, this is his mother. I'd like to think that if something like this were to happen in my family, that my brother or I would support my mom. I'd like to know that down the road... my boys would do what they need to do to support their mom.

I don't know if his mom has a history of bad decisions or not - is this just abnormal and a bad deal because she's trying to live her life for the first time in forever without his father (died 4 years ago) and she's just in a hell of a bad relationship? If so, then he needs to support his mother and not bail out on her - regardless of how f'ed up this could be...

Family is family, he doesn't show up and the drunk boyfriend wins and further dictates how life rolls.

I've no tolerance for women who tolerate abusive men.

Mile High Mania · 11-19-2012, 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

I've no tolerance for women who tolerate abusive men.

You're all warm and fuzzy, aren't ya big guy. Again, there's a lot here that we don't know. I'm reading this as a deal where his mom had been married to his father for most of their lives - he died 4 years ago and this may be the first relationship she's been in since then. If so, it's unfortunate that she chose poorly.

I'm also taking a guess here that if that is true - she doesn't have a wealth of dating experience and much like that generation, is used to the guy calling the shots - thereby resulting in her having no freaking clue as to how she might escape this abusive relationship.

If all of that is bullsh and she has a history here... then, sure let her figure it out. But, that's where I'm coming from with my commentary.

Brock · 11-19-2012, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mile High Mania

You're all warm and fuzzy, aren't ya big guy. Again, there's a lot here that we don't know. I'm reading this as a deal where his mom had been married to his father for most of their lives - he died 4 years ago and this may be the first relationship she's been in since then. If so, it's unfortunate that she chose poorly.

I'm also taking a guess here that if that is true - she doesn't have a wealth of dating experience and much like that generation, is used to the guy calling the shots - thereby resulting in her having no freaking clue as to how she might escape this abusive relationship.

If all of that is bullsh and she has a history here... then, sure let her figure it out. But, that's where I'm coming from with my commentary.

You're an enabler, plain and simple. I'd kindly tell her how to fix her situation, and I'd even help fix it. I'm not going to be around it though, and neither would my kids. This is her choice. A guy like this doesn't change.

Mile High Mania · 11-19-2012, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

You're an enabler, plain and simple. I'd kindly tell her how to fix her situation, and I'd even help fix it. I'm not going to be around it though, and neither would my kids. This is her choice.

Ah, I see. There's definitely a time and place for tough love... depending on the back story, my commentary may change. If there were a history of this with the boyfriends, there's no chance that I'd be there or put my kid's through it.

htismaqe · 11-19-2012, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

You're an enabler, plain and simple. I'd kindly tell her how to fix her situation, and I'd even help fix it. I'm not going to be around it though, and neither would my kids. This is her choice. A guy like this doesn't change.

This.

tooge · 11-19-2012, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mile High Mania

You're all warm and fuzzy, aren't ya big guy. Again, there's a lot here that we don't know. I'm reading this as a deal where his mom had been married to his father for most of their lives - he died 4 years ago and this may be the first relationship she's been in since then. If so, it's unfortunate that she chose poorly.

I'm also taking a guess here that if that is true - she doesn't have a wealth of dating experience and much like that generation, is used to the guy calling the shots - thereby resulting in her having no freaking clue as to how she might escape this abusive relationship.

If all of that is bullsh and she has a history here... then, sure let her figure it out. But, that's where I'm coming from with my commentary.

thats pretty spot on. He beat his first wife and so she left him as, at least that is what I was told by his son that he barely talks to. I fear that my mother just needs someone, anyone because of loneliness. My mom knew this guy in high school. He has two sons, one barely talks to him, the other I spoke with and he thinks they should be apart for some time. That is the back story to this.

**Old Dog** · 11-19-2012, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tooge

thats pretty spot on. He beat his first wife and so she left him as, at least that is what I was told by his son that he barely talks to. I fear that my mother just needs someone, anyone because of loneliness. My mom knew this guy in high school. He has two sons, one barely talks to him, the other I spoke with and he thinks they should be apart for some time. That is the back story to this.

Given this new info, I'm even more firmly in the don't go camp.