Funny college stories.

[ENDelt260]

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[KcMizzou]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

The delivery guy tackled the Hamburgler, breaking his ankle, pulled out his 9mm, bashed him in the brain, and unloaded it on his own car as it drove away.

I hate Dominos.

When I first read this, I thought it said "blasted" him in the brain...

[CosmicPal]

I probably shouldn't tell this, but what the hey...

This female friend of mine told me of her impending birthday on the horizon and asked if I'd take her out on her birthday. I was a bit surprised, but she was a kewl gal, so I said, "Sure, what do you want to do?"

She indicated to me she wanted to trip out (drop acid) on her birthday. I told her it wasn't such a good idea and that she should reconsider. She said it was her 20th and wasn't any milestone of a birthday; and really wanted to try it- particularly on her birthday. I repeatedly suggested she just hang with the girls and get drunk, but to no avail- she insisted. At this time, I was sharing an off-campus house with three other students, so I told her to come by that Saturday afternoon, if indeed that's what she wanted to do.

So, she shows up. I again ask her if this is how she really wants to spend her birthday, she replied with a resounding, yes. We drop and sit around chatting and listening to some Dead music. I'm smiling and having a good time while she tries to pay attention to the music, all the while, sitting on the floor indian style. A half hour goes by and she says, "This sucks! I'm not feeling anything."
"Well, I am. Just give it some time."
A half hour later she says she still doesn't feel anything, so I suggest we take a walk around the park and maybe some clean fresh air will liven her up. We get to the park and she locates a swing. "OH MY GAWD! I LOVE SWINGS!"
So, we saunter over to the swingset. A mother is pushing her daughter in one of the swings and the only one available happens to be next to them. My friend jumps into the swing, "Push me like REALLY high."
I push her from behind, "HIGHER!"
Again, I push and push, all the while, she is laughing out loud and screaming, "HIGHER! HIGHER!"
The mother doesn't know what to think and is rather disturbed that two young adults could find such profound enjoyment in a swing. She lets he daughter down and leaves.

I suggest we leave the park before we get discovered. On the way home we pass this house with a giant weeping willow in the front yard. I stop and point at the weeping willow, "Oh, those are my favorite trees."
My friend leans next to me and says, "Oh, it's beautiful. What's it called?"
"It's called a weeping willow."
Her eyes and mouth widen, "NOOOOOOOOOO. You do not say?"
"Yep. See how the long dangling branches reach downward as though the tree is weeping?"
"OH MY GAWD! That is the saddest thing!"

She dashes over to the weeping willow and grabs an armful of branches and embraces them like a child. "You poor thing! You poor, poor tree."
My friend is now weeping. She moves underneath the tree and actually gets down on her knees to hug the tree trunk. "You poor tree. BWAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAA"
She's freakin' crying out loud. I saunter over to the tree, "Uhhhh, we gotta get going before someone hears you. C'mon."
Just then, the owner of the house steps out onto his porch, "What the hell is going on out here?"
"Oh nothing sir."
All the while my friend is sitting under the tree crying, so I whisper to her, "C'mon! We've got to go..."
The man shouts as he walks toward us, "Is there something wrong with her?"
I looked at her, and then looked at the strange man. I didn't know what to do, 'cause I myself was trippin, so I just screamed, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" and ran back toward the house. Apparently this got my friend running after me too. As soon as we reached the house, I shut the door and we ran downstairs and we both started laughing our azzes off for awhile. The rest of the night I can't share with you....

[craneref]

My friends and I built a "War Machine" basically 12 ft of surgical rubber tied like a rubber band with a cut off jean leg to make a pocket, instant industrial size slingshot, will throw a water balloon forever. Anyway sitting on the top of our three story dorm one moonlit night, trying to find things to shoot water balloons at, when across the street we saw another student carrying home a pizza box across this wide ope grassy area. One of my friends says that he is going to knock the pizza box out of this guys hands, we figure no way, just be lucky to get him wet. So he loaded up a balloon, had us hold the ends in the perfect position and fired one up into the dark. We all ran to the edge of dorm and look and the lonely figure waling across the farily well lit field, and then as if an invisible hand came from no where, his pizza box was ripped from his hands. He looks all around knowing that there is no where for anybody to hide, and the closest bushes are too far away to throw balloons from. So after an intense look around, he shook his head and picked up his pizza box anc continued walking towards the dorm, meanwhile we are rolling on the ground laughing, not only a perfect shot, but a called perfect shot, but the best finish to this story, is we scramble up, still laughing nearly hysterically to fire another shot at the poor kid. By now he is approaching some trees and the balloon hits the trees and showers him with water, he then looks up to the sky and yells "You have already ruined my pizza, what else do you want!" That was over 20 years ago and the friends that were that night still talk about it, and we still laugh just as hysterically.

[Ultra Peanut]

Originally Posted by craneref

By now he is approaching some trees and the balloon hits the trees and showers him with water, he then looks up to the sky and yells "You have already ruined my pizza, what else do you want!"