Life nft-HS parental advice - Page 2

Friendo · 08-20-2008, 10:54 AM

so I take my rising 10th grade daughter to HS last night for class orientation and to meet the instructors. She is in a selected group of the Chorus, which placed first in the nation at Carnegie Hall last year. Met the Director last night, and frankly he gives me the creeps. 30-ish, decent looking dude, and he was dressed out in gym shorts as he helps coach the JV soccer team. From last year, I observed that he's a very demanding & temperamental Director, but I guess that goes with the territory if you're going to be a "player" nationally. He seems to cultivate that kind of strangely close teacher-student dynamic that you often see with high-achieving coaches. I wouldn't classify my daughter as stunning, but she certainly lives in the neighborhood. His first comment to her as we approached last night was "I like the hair". Don't want to be "that father", but the warning bells & whistles are going off. Talk to me...

Chiefnj2 · 08-20-2008, 11:12 AM

I guess I'm missing something. If he didn't say "I like the hair" would there be a problem?

RJ · 08-20-2008, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chiefnj2

I guess I'm missing something. If he didn't say "I like the hair" would there be a problem?

But he did say "I like the hair".

Friendo · 08-20-2008, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RJ

But he did say "I like the hair".

didn't Sting write a song about this very thing? not just my imagination--I suppose the best thing to do is talk to my daughter--uncomfortable indeed!

**DeezNutz** · 08-20-2008, 11:19 AM

Did she just have something dramatically different done to her hair? If so, it wouldn't seem out of place for her to get similar comments from lots of different people.

Reerun_KC · 08-20-2008, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hootie

Isn't that 16 year old Shawn Johnson in your avatar?

Was going to ask the same question....

underEJ · 08-20-2008, 11:20 AM

I'm not a parent, but I was once a teenage girl, and the story is always the same. You are ten times better off developing your daughter's warning bells and whistles than trying to preempt and protect which I'm sure is any good father's first instinct.

Girls aren't taught to have power in the right way. Everyone has the power to control their own involvement in a situation, and if you approach any situation with all the correct boundaries in place, there is room for those intense relationships with mentors whether male or female.

As a father, what you can't count on, is the mentor/ coach being able to set those boundaries all by themself, especially if they are young or haven't been teaching long. Teach your daughter to appreciate and trust a mentor, but to keep it transparent to you or others always. There is never a time when secrets are shared with them that she wouldn't share with you or her best friend.

CoMoChief · 08-20-2008, 11:20 AM

I really wouldn't look too much into it. Now when she starts going over to his house for private lessons, then you need to start worrying.

Reerun_KC · 08-20-2008, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buehler445

A lot of people I work with have expressed similar concerns.
Posted via Mobile Device

Probably about you....

Friendo · 08-20-2008, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeezNutz

Did she just have something dramatically different done to her hair? If so, it wouldn't seem out of place for her to get similar comments from lots of different people.

fair enough--yes, but it was the only comment that I heard all night.

08-20-2008, 11:23 AM

People in a position to work with teenagers have to find a way to connect with them. First impressions are important and they know that. If you pay an attractive teenager a compliment about her hair in front of her father that's innocent, IMO. He made a point to do it while you were there - that's a courtesy with which you should not feel threatened. Now if he's doing it while unattended then you have problems.

**bogey** · 08-20-2008, 11:23 AM

Listen to your "bells and whistles" talk to other parents that have had contact with him. Actively practice communication with your daughter.

Reerun_KC · 08-20-2008, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Friendo

I haven't been around the program long enough to really know. One of her best friends is in this group also, and we are good friends with the Mom who btw is a counselor in the district. I do plan to bounce my concerns off her.

That might be a good start, see if there are any other concerns from other parents...

this could go a couple of ways, You could actually be one of many that have concerns and prevent or stop something from happening... OR it could be totally false and these comments could ruin the future for this guy, when he is totally innocent.

It is a very fine line, I am not sure how I would approach it. My daughter goes to a private Christian school and I have most if not all of her teaches/principles etc on speed dial. So far the school is very very good and nothing likes this has even remotely been an issue.

Reerun_KC · 08-20-2008, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Friendo

fair enough--yes, but it was the only comment that I heard all night.

could of been just trying to make her relax and feel welcome into the chior?

Reerun_KC · 08-20-2008, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bogey

Listen to your "bells and whistles" talk to other parents that have had contact with him. Actively practice communication with your daughter.

True, but dont start something that isnt true. be coy about your approach and feel out the other parents before you start saying anything... Let someone else insert foot into mouth.

Friendo · 08-20-2008, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phobia

People in a position to work with teenagers have to find a way to connect with them. First impressions are important and they know that. If you pay an attractive teenager a compliment about her hair in front of her father that's innocent, IMO. He made a point to do it while you were there - that's a courtesy with which you should not feel threatened. Now if he's doing it while unattended then you have problems.

good point--ftr--it wasn't so much the comment, as the comment in concert with my other concerns.

08-20-2008, 10:54 AM
Friendo cigarette? Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: n.c. Casino cash: $10004945	nft-HS parental advice so I take my rising 10th grade daughter to HS last night for class orientation and to meet the instructors. She is in a selected group of the Chorus, which placed first in the nation at Carnegie Hall last year. Met the Director last night, and frankly he gives me the creeps. 30-ish, decent looking dude, and he was dressed out in gym shorts as he helps coach the JV soccer team. From last year, I observed that he's a very demanding & temperamental Director, but I guess that goes with the territory if you're going to be a "player" nationally. He seems to cultivate that kind of strangely close teacher-student dynamic that you often see with high-achieving coaches. I wouldn't classify my daughter as stunning, but she certainly lives in the neighborhood. His first comment to her as we approached last night was "I like the hair". Don't want to be "that father", but the warning bells & whistles are going off. Talk to me...
Posts: 1,787

08-20-2008, 11:12 AM	#16
Chiefnj2 In Search of a Life Join Date: Mar 2007 Casino cash: $7863688	I guess I'm missing something. If he didn't say "I like the hair" would there be a problem? __________________ Mismanaging the clock.
Posts: 22,394

08-20-2008, 11:20 AM	#21
underEJ Veteran Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles Casino cash: $6853141	I'm not a parent, but I was once a teenage girl, and the story is always the same. You are ten times better off developing your daughter's warning bells and whistles than trying to preempt and protect which I'm sure is any good father's first instinct. Girls aren't taught to have power in the right way. Everyone has the power to control their own involvement in a situation, and if you approach any situation with all the correct boundaries in place, there is room for those intense relationships with mentors whether male or female. As a father, what you can't count on, is the mentor/ coach being able to set those boundaries all by themself, especially if they are young or haven't been teaching long. Teach your daughter to appreciate and trust a mentor, but to keep it transparent to you or others always. There is never a time when secrets are shared with them that she wouldn't share with you or her best friend.
Posts: 1,231

08-20-2008, 11:20 AM	#22
CoMoChief Mahomes Dynasty Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Parts Unknown Casino cash: $8042254	I really wouldn't look too much into it. Now when she starts going over to his house for private lessons, then you need to start worrying. __________________
Posts: 39,163

08-20-2008, 11:23 AM	#25
Phobia Guest Casino cash: $	People in a position to work with teenagers have to find a way to connect with them. First impressions are important and they know that. If you pay an attractive teenager a compliment about her hair in front of her father that's innocent, IMO. He made a point to do it while you were there - that's a courtesy with which you should not feel threatened. Now if he's doing it while unattended then you have problems.
Posts: n/a

08-20-2008, 11:23 AM	#26
bogey Supporter Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: California Casino cash: $10005290	Listen to your "bells and whistles" talk to other parents that have had contact with him. Actively practice communication with your daughter.
Posts: 2,264