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11-19-2012, 01:31 PM | #1 | |
The 23rd Pillar
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Quote:
If this guy is really a serious, imminent threat to your mom or anyone who shows up at Thanksgiving, then maybe you and your siblings should be holding an intervention instead of worrying about where to have Thanksgiving.
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11-19-2012, 02:33 PM | #2 | |
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11-20-2012, 11:26 AM | #3 | ||
In BB I trust
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Quote:
Quote:
I'm with these two.
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11-19-2012, 04:39 PM | #4 |
Threepeat!
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This is the answer.
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You seem nice! |
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11-19-2012, 04:56 PM | #5 | |
Needs more middle fingers
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You're a man. Don't worry about the confrontation if there is one, you'll respond properly anyway im sure.
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11-19-2012, 05:03 PM | #6 |
Supporter
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This, you need to support her while you can.
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11-19-2012, 12:43 PM | #7 |
Tip of the hat LIV Champs
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This is tough situation for you sorry you have to deal with that asshole. That is all he is. Sure he can be kind one minute but the next you just never know. I know people can change but it doesn't sound like he will even if he puts on a good show for the family. When he is alone with your mom that is when he will revert back to abuse. I can just tell that's what is going on.
Got to protect your mom somehow.
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11-19-2012, 12:45 PM | #8 |
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he can't protect her if she's allowing this guy back into her house. it's on her.
sec
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11-19-2012, 12:44 PM | #9 |
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last thing you want to do is have your kids see you do something silly by going.
Stick to what you think is right... |
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11-19-2012, 12:44 PM | #10 |
Wasted away again...
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Are you?
I don't know what your relationship with your mom is like, but if you are really "there for her" then you should be there.
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11-19-2012, 12:48 PM | #11 |
a haw haw haw
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I agree with this,however find out what his favorite dessert is and have your mrs make a special antifreeze treat just for him.
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11-19-2012, 12:54 PM | #12 |
'Tis my eye!
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11-19-2012, 12:58 PM | #13 |
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Thats really where I'm coming from. I have a good relationship with my mom. Unfortunatley, we are almost too much alike and can be hard headed toward each other. I feel if I give in here, then I've set precedent. Not to mention, she's been with the guy for a year and a half, and said he's been abusive for the past year. She just told me 4 weeks ago. I've got ZERO trust for this guy. Unfortunately, the part of my mother that I felt secure about died along with my dad.
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11-19-2012, 08:38 PM | #14 |
Replaced by a future HOFer !!
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This
You mom is a classic co-dependent who is dating an alcoholic who really thinks he doesn't have a problem and is just going through the motions right now because the heat is on. Your mom has cleaned up a lot of this guy's messes already I'm guessing and now she expects you to go along as well. But your boundary setting has exposed her selfish insecurity of having a man at all cost So much so that she verbally abuses her own kids when they disagree with her(e.g. YOU) Co-dependency from the family and friends of the addict involved can be sooooooooo sick at times. Stay the course if you want your Mom to truly see her behavior for what it is and eventually get better. It will get ugly and will take time, but you will have to let her lie in her own messy bed she has created in order for her to realize for herself that she actually needs to change and not others . There are no guarantees and she may not get better. It will be tempting at times to give in and take care of her by not sticking to your boundaries because it is very difficult as a son not to step in and take care of MOM. But you see, the co-dependent hates healthy boundaries and literally takes on the same 'personality of manipulation' just like the addict but without physically taking drugs/alcohol. The co-dependent is addicted to feeling responsible for everyone's actions and especially their emotional well being. She is trying to get you to feel responsible for her feelings while she already feels responsible for her alcoholic BF's feelings. And the endless cycle of co-dependent dysfunction just keeps metastasizing from one family generation to the next family generation. Did your father or grandfather have drinking problems ?? Because this stuff is sooooo generational. |
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11-19-2012, 09:08 PM | #15 | |
CHANGEd your mind yet????
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The guilt, shame, and manipulation tactic she used to try to conjole Tooge into attending the Thanksgiving dinner is classic codependent. Her late husband may have 'treated her like a queen' but these behaviors don't just manifest overnight. Not to mention, that if she had healthy boundaries she would see red flags in the relationship and would have left way before it escalated into abusive. People who stay in these relationships have been conditioned by some sort of previous experience to them. There is a certain 'comfort level' which doesn't exist with people who have not be predisposed to stay in an abusive relationship. Maybe her own parents had this type of relationship. Healthy people, even if incredibly lonely, don't stay in abusive relationships, period.
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