Life If slavery was legal... - Page 6

**Rain Man** · 09-01-2009, 08:15 PM

Hypothetical situation here, and I'll start by apologizing in advance to every African American person on the board if you want me to.

Background:

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE.

In order to help pay for a new stimulus package that provides big-screen TVs, unlimited 7-11 Big Gulps, and liposuction for every American, Obama's wacky science advisor re-establishes slavery in the United States. Every American draws a random number and 30 percent (those drawing a number ending in a 2, 4 or 7 if you're interested) will become slaves. So the slave population will contain people of all education levels, ages, genders, and yes, all races. Those slaves are then placed for sale by the government in a controlled auction environment.

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY.

You and all of your friends and relatives and friendly coworkers draw safe numbers, so you don't have to worry about anyone you know.

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE.

All laws are rewritten so that owning slaves is legal, generally along the lines of the year 1850. There is no social stigma to being a slaveowner, as it is condoned by nearly all daytime TV talk shows as well as Comedy Central, FOX News, and National Public Radio (though NPR suggests donating them to NPR in your will). The Constitution is amended to allow it, so it's not going anywhere in your lifetime.

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. I MEAN IT.

Based on about five minutes of research, it appears that the price for a slave in 1850, if inflated to today's dollars, would range from about $15,000 for someone with flaws (advanced age, health, etc.), to about $50,000 for an average slave, to about $95,000 for a top-notch, good-looking, prime-of-life slave.

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. I MEAN IT. I'M NOT KIDDING.

Recall that you would be responsible for all of this person's expenses and upkeep, including housing, health care, food, etc. However, in return you get...well...the person. Free labor for the remainder of the person's natural life, and no saying no to anything.

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. I MEAN IT. I'M NOT KIDDING. NO RACE TALK.

Much like a car, an interested buyer can shop around and buy a person who seems like the best value according to their own criteria.

Be honest. Would you buy one?

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. I MEAN IT. I'M NOT KIDDING. NO RACE TALK. NONE.

And I'll finish by apologizing to any African Americans on the board if you want me to.

tooge · 09-02-2009, 07:34 AM

I'd cash in my 401K and own as many hot chicks as possible. Then I'd make sure I had one or two decent male laborers to take care of stuff like the yard and fixing things. I'd treat them very well. You know, providing them with free dental care except for the few chicks I require to have all their teeth removed. If I ended up being a slave, I would kill my master first chance I got and take over his gig.

Gary · 09-02-2009, 07:46 AM

I'll take Lin Elliot &...ummm...Ok...that billionaire douchebag that coined the phrase "firecrotch".

Katipan · 09-02-2009, 07:50 AM

I'm the only one afraid of absolute power?

Sickos.

penchief · 09-02-2009, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rambleonthruthefog

if i ended up one of the slaves, i would steal a lot.

Yeah, and I probably harbor a lot of resentment and hostility.

SenselessChiefsFan · 09-02-2009, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by modocsot

In today's day-and-age, the issue of slavery would expand beyond race. More so, owning slaves in modern times would be related to socioeconomic elitism, I believe. With that said however, lower economic class largely encompasses racial minorities in America; thus the attention of public perception will be first pointed at race.

This snowball rolling down a steep hill gets larger, as you deny a specific class of people the opportunity to better themselves through education etc., thus locking generations of their class into servitude.

To willfully take possession of another human being's freedom and liberties, regardless of their race, class or creed, is disgusting in these modern times. Just my .02.

Well, yeah.... but would you buy one?

Sofa King · 09-02-2009, 08:00 AM

i couldnt afford one... i guess i hope i'm not in the 30%....

if this is the case, why not just take over some crappy country... Mexico has TONS of people willing to do any task, and do it well... lets just take them over and give slaves away for free...

wait what? maybe i shoulda read more than the first post...

SenselessChiefsFan · 09-02-2009, 08:04 AM

Heck, on another note, make all women slaves... I mean, we are paying for it one way or another anyway.... might as well get exactly what we want for our money.

Jack · 09-02-2009, 08:59 AM

The mere existence of this thread suggests many of you already own slaves. . .

Ralphy Boy · 09-02-2009, 09:08 AM

Some day we'll all have robots for this but in the mean time, I hate mowing, I hate cleaning, I hate ironing, I hate washing my car.

View Poll Results: See Rules Below. Would you buy one?
Part 1. Would you buy one or more?	3	4.35%
Yes	20	28.99%
No	37	53.62%
Unsure.	3	4.35%
Part 2. If yes, why? Select the ONE main reason.	3	4.35%
It seems like a good economic investment.	9	13.04%
I could use the help.	12	17.39%
I would relish the absolute power.	4	5.80%
Other reason. See my explanation below.	1	1.45%
Part 3. If no, why not? Select the ONE main reason.	2	2.90%
I couldn't afford one.	8	11.59%
I don't need one.	8	11.59%
Slavery is wrong! WRONG! What kind of demented poll is this?	30	43.48%
Other reason. See my explanation below.	5	7.25%
Part 4. If unsure, why are you unsure? Select the ONE main reason.	2	2.90%
It seems wrong, but wow, it'd be soooo handy.	6	8.70%
I'd really like to know more about the shopping process.	2	2.90%
I'm not sure how history would judge me.	0	0%
I'm afraid of what I would do with absolute power, but I relish it.	1	1.45%
I'm not sure it's really a good deal, what with all this health care reform stuff and taxes.	1	1.45%
I'm unsure why I'm unsure.	0	0%
Other reason. See my explanation below.	3	4.35%
Part 5. Required apologies	3	4.35%
I'm checking this box as an apology for even thinking about this.	25	36.23%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 69. You may not vote on this poll

09-01-2009, 08:15 PM
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-682449 VARSITY	If slavery was legal... Hypothetical situation here, and I'll start by apologizing in advance to every African American person on the board if you want me to. Background: NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. In order to help pay for a new stimulus package that provides big-screen TVs, unlimited 7-11 Big Gulps, and liposuction for every American, Obama's wacky science advisor re-establishes slavery in the United States. Every American draws a random number and 30 percent (those drawing a number ending in a 2, 4 or 7 if you're interested) will become slaves. So the slave population will contain people of all education levels, ages, genders, and yes, all races. Those slaves are then placed for sale by the government in a controlled auction environment. NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. You and all of your friends and relatives and friendly coworkers draw safe numbers, so you don't have to worry about anyone you know. NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. All laws are rewritten so that owning slaves is legal, generally along the lines of the year 1850. There is no social stigma to being a slaveowner, as it is condoned by nearly all daytime TV talk shows as well as Comedy Central, FOX News, and National Public Radio (though NPR suggests donating them to NPR in your will). The Constitution is amended to allow it, so it's not going anywhere in your lifetime. NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. I MEAN IT. Based on about five minutes of research, it appears that the price for a slave in 1850, if inflated to today's dollars, would range from about $15,000 for someone with flaws (advanced age, health, etc.), to about $50,000 for an average slave, to about $95,000 for a top-notch, good-looking, prime-of-life slave. NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. I MEAN IT. I'M NOT KIDDING. Recall that you would be responsible for all of this person's expenses and upkeep, including housing, health care, food, etc. However, in return you get...well...the person. Free labor for the remainder of the person's natural life, and no saying no to anything. NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. I MEAN IT. I'M NOT KIDDING. NO RACE TALK. Much like a car, an interested buyer can shop around and buy a person who seems like the best value according to their own criteria. Be honest. Would you buy one? NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. I MEAN IT. I'M NOT KIDDING. NO RACE TALK. NONE. And I'll finish by apologizing to any African Americans on the board if you want me to.
Posts: 145,512

09-02-2009, 07:34 AM	#76
tooge MVP Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Liberty, MO Casino cash: $624112	I'd cash in my 401K and own as many hot chicks as possible. Then I'd make sure I had one or two decent male laborers to take care of stuff like the yard and fixing things. I'd treat them very well. You know, providing them with free dental care except for the few chicks I require to have all their teeth removed. If I ended up being a slave, I would kill my master first chance I got and take over his gig.
Posts: 17,200

09-02-2009, 07:46 AM	#77
Gary The Shepherd Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Sunny Florida Casino cash: $9955472	I'll take Lin Elliot &...ummm...Ok...that billionaire douchebag that coined the phrase "firecrotch". __________________ The truth is you're the weak and I am the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin Ringo...I'm tryin real hard to be the shepherd.
Posts: 906

09-02-2009, 07:50 AM	#78
Katipan MER Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Colorado Casino cash: $-969649	I'm the only one afraid of absolute power? Sickos. __________________ "Loving him is red."
Posts: 23,652

09-02-2009, 08:00 AM	#81
Sofa King Bump it Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: South Dakota Casino cash: $-380000 VARSITY	i couldnt afford one... i guess i hope i'm not in the 30%.... if this is the case, why not just take over some crappy country... Mexico has TONS of people willing to do any task, and do it well... lets just take them over and give slaves away for free... wait what? maybe i shoulda read more than the first post...
Posts: 23,465

09-02-2009, 08:04 AM	#82
SenselessChiefsFan MVP Join Date: Nov 2008 Casino cash: $10005450	Heck, on another note, make all women slaves... I mean, we are paying for it one way or another anyway.... might as well get exactly what we want for our money.
Posts: 5,540

09-02-2009, 08:59 AM	#83
Jack Starter Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Centralia, WA Casino cash: $10005010	The mere existence of this thread suggests many of you already own slaves. . .
Posts: 616

09-02-2009, 09:08 AM	#84
Ralphy Boy MVP Join Date: Aug 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	Some day we'll all have robots for this but in the mean time, I hate mowing, I hate cleaning, I hate ironing, I hate washing my car.
Posts: 5,088