Life Would it bother you if your SO/spouse made more money than you? - Page 5

El Jefe · 06-15-2010, 07:03 AM

Spinoff of the Huffman thread. Finances are a huge factor in relationships as everyone already knows. My question is exactly what I stated, would it bother you if your spouse or SO made more money than you did? Obviously I am kind of aiming this at the male posters on the board. Would it hurt your "ego" if she made more money? Once my fiance gets out of school she will make a lot more money than I do. I don't really have a problem with that but sometimes my pride makes me want to make more money than she will. I guess it also depends on your spouse or SO in regards to if they would use that factor against you and throw it in your face. I would assume most would not, but in a fight many people say things they wouldn't always say.

**Dave Lane** · 06-15-2010, 10:19 AM

I'd love it.

**Mr. Flopnuts** · 06-15-2010, 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

If she did, I wouldn't have to work. So NO, it wouldn't bother me.

****in' A. My wife has often said she wishes she made enough money that I could be a "house hubby". I wish she did too.

DJ's left nut · 06-15-2010, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeezNutz

Depends what the lesser-paid spouse (typically the woman) makes. For example, if she's making $10 per hour and the husband has a strong, salary position, it might make more sense, all things considered, for the wife to stay home because she wouldn't be earning enough to justify the high cost of daycare and the other ramifications.

I honestly think I'd still be opposed to it.

At that point the roles in the relationship are just so far apart from each other that common ground seems impossible. Suddenly it seems less like a partnership to me. Instead you seem to have 2 divisions within the marriage.

If it were absolutely necessary to make ends meet, I suppose I could see it as a last alternative, but I'd do everything I could to keep it from happening.

ToxSocks · 06-15-2010, 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts

****in' A. My wife has often said she wishes she made enough money that I could be a "house hubby". I wish she did too.

Damn straight. If i were a house husband, not only would the house be clean, but I'd actually be able to get MORE shit done then she would. Like yard work, getting shit taken care of on the car and some of the other stuff that is left for me when i get home.

Frazod · 06-15-2010, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dave Lane

I'd love it.

THIS

**DaneMcCloud** · 06-15-2010, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kcchiefsfanGoJC

My question is exactly what I stated, would it bother you if your spouse or SO made more money than you did? Obviously I am kind of aiming this at the male posters on the board. Would it hurt your "ego" if she made more money? Once my fiance gets out of school she will make a lot more money than I do. I don't really have a problem with that but sometimes my pride makes me want to make more money than she will.

I've been with my wife for nearly 15 years. During that time, we've each supported each other financially while the other reaches certain goals or dreams.

For the year, I paid for all of the rent and bills. For nine months after that, she paid for the rent and bills while I pursued my "interest". After that, she took off nearly 18 months pursuing her interests and I paid for everything.

In 1999, she got a job using her degree in mathematics, along with some of her pursuits during her non-working period. I continued to make more money than her until the end of 2001, when she was handed a whopping six-figure bonus the week of Christmas.

From there, I supported her in a start-up business. We went back and forth on the earnings scale until it was evident that her business was going to earn a ton of money for us with very little time involved (maybe four hours a day combined between the two of us). I left Paramount to oversee the remodel of our home (which took the better part of 5 years) and to grow her business.

In 2008, she opened her first Pilates studio in Downtown LA and just bought the franchise rights to Long Beach. We sold off our successful business that was started in 2001 and just last year, I started my own company, which is just beginning to take off.

For us, it's not about "who makes more money", it's about helping and supporting each other's dreams and ambitions. I learned a long, long time ago that if someone isn't happy with their life, they're not going to be happy with me, and vice versa.

So, we do our best to make sure that we're both fulfilled.

sedated · 06-15-2010, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

but I also have to wonder how often that arrangement leads to an unhealthy (or perhaps failed) marriage. Which would certainly have a far more damaging impact on a child than would Day Care.

Day care is so expensive that its usually worth it in the short-term to have one stay-at-home parent. But we are only talking the first few years; once the kid is off to school there isn't a point to it. Although by then the wife has gotten so used to not working that she will do anything to not go back to work, from inflating the amount of daily work that is actually invovled with staying home, to "forgetting" to take her pill so she can squeeze out another one and have another 5-year layoff from her job. A couple kids later, and she is suddenly unqualified to go back to the workforce. This causes a huge fight, she listens to all her "take the money and run" divorced friends, uses her husbands money to get an expensive lawyer, she claims that her endentured servitude cost her the profitable career she had before, takes him to the cleaners, and she spends her days chasing the lawn-boy at her ex-husband's ex-house with his ex-money.

GoHuge · 06-15-2010, 11:40 AM

I'm not married, but I'm pretty proud of the CP men and their self confidence on this issue. The last serious girlfriend I had was really big into the money and talking about it. At the time I had my BA and she had a triple major BA and her Masters. Liked to talk down to me because of it while I made three times more than she did. Didn't really understand her train of thought. I don't use my degree for really any part of my profession and she came from a super education first family. At the end of the day doesn't it really come down to cheddar rather than how much shit you hang from the wall with your name on it? I got the **** out of that deal while the gettin was good.

My younger brother has a degree as well, but my dad and three other brothers don't have a degree and kick mine and my brothers ass as far as income goes. Ego has no place in a healthy relationship whether it be because of education level or income. Having seen it done the right way my entire life I knew this chick wasn't for me. I'd love to find a career woman that had her own goals and ambitions. If she made more it wouldn't bother me in the least. I do what I love, work hard at it, make good money, and hope to find a lady someday that stands on her own two feet as well. I would think that would make for a healthier relationship, but I admit I have to yield to the people here that have experienced it as I have not. After reading most of the responses my way of thinking seems to be a good blueprint to go off of anyway.

Both of my parents are over $100K earners and they've done it wonderfully together. My dad makes significantly more than her, but he as well as all of us kids are very proud of her for being a kickass professional. Growing up my dad paid the bills (house payment, utilities, etc) and mom paid to keep the house going (groceries, all of our clothes, school shit, etc). They have a joint checking account and both have their own personal checking accounts. I've seen them over the years just go and buy for themselves whatever they want and the other thinks it's kickass or silly, but there is no resentment or asking permission. The only time my dad bitched was when he thought our mom was spoiling us too much. Sometimes it was a playful competition between the two. Last year my mom decided she was going to buy a new car and just did it. My dad loved it and was happy she did it. They have a fairly decent sized "farm" that is really just a bunch of land they live on and any crops planted are food plots for hunting. Anyway about two weeks later my mom came home to see a new Case 90 XT skidsteer parked in the garage were my mom parks her new car. This was on the saturday of Father's day weekend. We were all home for the weekend and looking outside the windows or standing outside to see the look on mom's face when she opened the garage door. She started laughing hysterically and got out of her new fancy car and gave my Dad a hug and kiss while all of us kids, wives, husbands, and significant others were clapping and laughing our asses off. They pretty much own free and clear everything they have and now just spoil the shit out of the grandkids. My Dad is 66 and Mom 54 and they still do date night probably once a week. It's pretty awesome to witness when you see greed and other stupid bullshit tearing other marriages apart nowadays. Hopefully I'll be lucky enough to find a woman that wants to emulate what my parents have used to great success and happiness. Of course it helps to make enough money between two people were money isn't a source of stress or ambiguity.

Tip of the cap to all of you that make it work. I know it isn't always easy.

Pitt Gorilla · 06-15-2010, 11:47 AM

I'm trying to figure out why anyone would care. More money for the family is a good thing.

Sandyskc · 06-15-2010, 12:12 PM

I made almost twice what he did when we started dating and it wasn't a problem. Now he makes more. It all goes into the same account anyway.

Hydrae · 06-15-2010, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeezNutz

Depends what the lesser-paid spouse (typically the woman) makes. For example, if she's making $10 per hour and the husband has a strong, salary position, it might make more sense, all things considered, for the wife to stay home because she wouldn't be earning enough to justify the high cost of daycare and the other ramifications.

THIS

I have related this here before but this seems like a good place for a reprisal of my experiences. This is not about who made more money, that has never been an issue. It is about having a stay-at-home wife/mother. After our third child was born, money was an issue for us. I worked 2 jobs for a while to get us through but after a couple of years my wife went to work to help out. This allowed my to work just the one job which was a nice relief. At the same time though, I found myself busier helping out around the house. I got home before she did so I did most of the cooking. By the time she got home, dinner would be on the way, there might be laundry going and I would have gone through the kid's paperwork from school that day.

We did this for a couple of years and then I got an opportunity to earn enough more income that they wife didn't have to work. Having her staying home took more pressure off of my than I realized I had taken on. Now when I get home from work, I am home. No worrying about cleaning or cooking. I have more time and energy for my kids or working in the garden or just playing on the computer. I also have more time and energy for my wife and my kids have an adult available to them at all times. We have raised our kids for the most part without farming them out to a daycare which we believe has given them a stronger foundation to build upon.

I am and will always be a strong proponent for having a stay-at-home parent. It is not for everyone but I think those who have never been there have no clue the positive difference it can make in their lives even considering the reduced income levels.

BIG K · 06-15-2010, 07:55 PM

Heck, If she made more money than me, I would retire and be 'kept' man....

Gracie Dean · 06-15-2010, 07:56 PM

it has worked well for us for the last 9 years.

We don't have it down to every penny. Hubby gets paid 2 times a month and I get paid once a month. His check covers Vehicle and Insurance and the flexible utilities, cell cable and health insurance. He also puts a LOT in savings. Out of his checks, he pays for any CC usage that he made.

I get paid once a month. My check goes to the things that never change. Mortgage and the escrow for house insurance and taxes. I pay the student loans and also a home loan when we had a new AC/Heat unit installed. My check also pays for all the groceries and when we go out to eat. I also pay for any CC usage I have. My check also covers incidentals like Oil changes giving the daughter food money once in a while ect...

We are both on both accounts and the savings. It is not like we don't communicate or anything...we do. We keep all the bills together in a notebook and cross out when things get paid. This way tho, if I spend 50 bucks at the grocery store, he can't be upset because he was only planning to spend 30 on groceries and maybe 15 at the hardware store...

It works for us and we have not fought about money or bills since we started this method...OH and our credit has steadily gone up as we neither one want to be late or cause any strife.

View Poll Results: Would it bother you if your souse/SO made more money than you?
She does, and no it doesn't bother me.	22	26.51%
She does and it bothers me, but not that much.	2	2.41%
She doesn't, but it wouldn't bother me.	57	68.67%
She doesn't, but it would bother me if she did.	2	2.41%
Voters: 83. You may not vote on this poll

06-15-2010, 07:03 AM
El Jefe Don't tread on me. Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Where the peaches grow Casino cash: $9030572	Would it bother you if your SO/spouse made more money than you? Spinoff of the Huffman thread. Finances are a huge factor in relationships as everyone already knows. My question is exactly what I stated, would it bother you if your spouse or SO made more money than you did? Obviously I am kind of aiming this at the male posters on the board. Would it hurt your "ego" if she made more money? Once my fiance gets out of school she will make a lot more money than I do. I don't really have a problem with that but sometimes my pride makes me want to make more money than she will. I guess it also depends on your spouse or SO in regards to if they would use that factor against you and throw it in your face. I would assume most would not, but in a fight many people say things they wouldn't always say.
Posts: 8,540

06-15-2010, 10:19 AM	#61
Dave Lane Space Cadet and Aczabel Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Kanab, UT, USA Casino cash: $9333275 VARSITY	I'd love it. __________________ Thanks, Trump for the civics lesson. We are learning so much about RICO, espionage, sedition, impeachment, the 25th Amendment, order of succession, nepotism, separation of powers, 1st Amendment, obstruction of justice, the emoluments clause, conflicts of interest, collusion, sanctions, oligarchs, money laundering and so much more.
Posts: 40,584

06-15-2010, 11:40 AM	#68
GoHuge The Truth Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Overland Park Casino cash: $10006072	I'm not married, but I'm pretty proud of the CP men and their self confidence on this issue. The last serious girlfriend I had was really big into the money and talking about it. At the time I had my BA and she had a triple major BA and her Masters. Liked to talk down to me because of it while I made three times more than she did. Didn't really understand her train of thought. I don't use my degree for really any part of my profession and she came from a super education first family. At the end of the day doesn't it really come down to cheddar rather than how much shit you hang from the wall with your name on it? I got the **** out of that deal while the gettin was good. My younger brother has a degree as well, but my dad and three other brothers don't have a degree and kick mine and my brothers ass as far as income goes. Ego has no place in a healthy relationship whether it be because of education level or income. Having seen it done the right way my entire life I knew this chick wasn't for me. I'd love to find a career woman that had her own goals and ambitions. If she made more it wouldn't bother me in the least. I do what I love, work hard at it, make good money, and hope to find a lady someday that stands on her own two feet as well. I would think that would make for a healthier relationship, but I admit I have to yield to the people here that have experienced it as I have not. After reading most of the responses my way of thinking seems to be a good blueprint to go off of anyway. Both of my parents are over $100K earners and they've done it wonderfully together. My dad makes significantly more than her, but he as well as all of us kids are very proud of her for being a kickass professional. Growing up my dad paid the bills (house payment, utilities, etc) and mom paid to keep the house going (groceries, all of our clothes, school shit, etc). They have a joint checking account and both have their own personal checking accounts. I've seen them over the years just go and buy for themselves whatever they want and the other thinks it's kickass or silly, but there is no resentment or asking permission. The only time my dad bitched was when he thought our mom was spoiling us too much. Sometimes it was a playful competition between the two. Last year my mom decided she was going to buy a new car and just did it. My dad loved it and was happy she did it. They have a fairly decent sized "farm" that is really just a bunch of land they live on and any crops planted are food plots for hunting. Anyway about two weeks later my mom came home to see a new Case 90 XT skidsteer parked in the garage were my mom parks her new car. This was on the saturday of Father's day weekend. We were all home for the weekend and looking outside the windows or standing outside to see the look on mom's face when she opened the garage door. She started laughing hysterically and got out of her new fancy car and gave my Dad a hug and kiss while all of us kids, wives, husbands, and significant others were clapping and laughing our asses off. They pretty much own free and clear everything they have and now just spoil the shit out of the grandkids. My Dad is 66 and Mom 54 and they still do date night probably once a week. It's pretty awesome to witness when you see greed and other stupid bullshit tearing other marriages apart nowadays. Hopefully I'll be lucky enough to find a woman that wants to emulate what my parents have used to great success and happiness. Of course it helps to make enough money between two people were money isn't a source of stress or ambiguity. Tip of the cap to all of you that make it work. I know it isn't always easy.
Posts: 3,991

06-15-2010, 11:47 AM	#69
Pitt Gorilla Banned! Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: NOT Columbia, MO 65201 Casino cash: $-129806	I'm trying to figure out why anyone would care. More money for the family is a good thing. __________________ Your son is a bench warmer because of your weak genetics not because of the coach Norlin Mommsen is disgusting.
Posts: 47,382

06-15-2010, 12:12 PM	#70
Sandyskc Starter Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Lee's Summit Casino cash: $10005383	I made almost twice what he did when we started dating and it wasn't a problem. Now he makes more. It all goes into the same account anyway.
Posts: 202

06-15-2010, 07:55 PM	#72
BIG K Veteran Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: California Casino cash: $9795230	Heck, If she made more money than me, I would retire and be 'kept' man....
Posts: 2,743

06-15-2010, 07:56 PM	#73
Gracie Dean MVP Join Date: Aug 2000 Casino cash: $10004900	it has worked well for us for the last 9 years. We don't have it down to every penny. Hubby gets paid 2 times a month and I get paid once a month. His check covers Vehicle and Insurance and the flexible utilities, cell cable and health insurance. He also puts a LOT in savings. Out of his checks, he pays for any CC usage that he made. I get paid once a month. My check goes to the things that never change. Mortgage and the escrow for house insurance and taxes. I pay the student loans and also a home loan when we had a new AC/Heat unit installed. My check also pays for all the groceries and when we go out to eat. I also pay for any CC usage I have. My check also covers incidentals like Oil changes giving the daughter food money once in a while ect... We are both on both accounts and the savings. It is not like we don't communicate or anything...we do. We keep all the bills together in a notebook and cross out when things get paid. This way tho, if I spend 50 bucks at the grocery store, he can't be upset because he was only planning to spend 30 on groceries and maybe 15 at the hardware store... It works for us and we have not fought about money or bills since we started this method...OH and our credit has steadily gone up as we neither one want to be late or cause any strife.
Posts: 12,955