Life If slavery was legal...

**Rain Man** · 09-01-2009, 08:15 PM

Hypothetical situation here, and I'll start by apologizing in advance to every African American person on the board if you want me to.

Background:

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE.

In order to help pay for a new stimulus package that provides big-screen TVs, unlimited 7-11 Big Gulps, and liposuction for every American, Obama's wacky science advisor re-establishes slavery in the United States. Every American draws a random number and 30 percent (those drawing a number ending in a 2, 4 or 7 if you're interested) will become slaves. So the slave population will contain people of all education levels, ages, genders, and yes, all races. Those slaves are then placed for sale by the government in a controlled auction environment.

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY.

You and all of your friends and relatives and friendly coworkers draw safe numbers, so you don't have to worry about anyone you know.

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE.

All laws are rewritten so that owning slaves is legal, generally along the lines of the year 1850. There is no social stigma to being a slaveowner, as it is condoned by nearly all daytime TV talk shows as well as Comedy Central, FOX News, and National Public Radio (though NPR suggests donating them to NPR in your will). The Constitution is amended to allow it, so it's not going anywhere in your lifetime.

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. I MEAN IT.

Based on about five minutes of research, it appears that the price for a slave in 1850, if inflated to today's dollars, would range from about $15,000 for someone with flaws (advanced age, health, etc.), to about $50,000 for an average slave, to about $95,000 for a top-notch, good-looking, prime-of-life slave.

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. I MEAN IT. I'M NOT KIDDING.

Recall that you would be responsible for all of this person's expenses and upkeep, including housing, health care, food, etc. However, in return you get...well...the person. Free labor for the remainder of the person's natural life, and no saying no to anything.

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. I MEAN IT. I'M NOT KIDDING. NO RACE TALK.

Much like a car, an interested buyer can shop around and buy a person who seems like the best value according to their own criteria.

Be honest. Would you buy one?

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. I MEAN IT. I'M NOT KIDDING. NO RACE TALK. NONE.

And I'll finish by apologizing to any African Americans on the board if you want me to.

stumppy · 09-01-2009, 08:17 PM

You racist bastard.

**Donger** · 09-01-2009, 08:18 PM

I believe that the correct thread title should be: "If slavery were legal..."

I hope that isn't too White.

**Bane** · 09-01-2009, 08:20 PM

Fuggn cracka!!!!!
Posted via Mobile Device

smittysbar · 09-01-2009, 08:21 PM

Is this a race thing..........

ElGringo · 09-01-2009, 08:21 PM

YOU RACIST BASTARD!!!!

OK, just kidding there, I would probably own one if I could afford it, but in all honesty, would require myself to treat them fairly, and could not afford the upkeep on it, nor the initially asking price. To become a slave on the otherhand...in the economic situation I was in in the united states...I might volunteer, relatively young age and healthy body, hope I get a good family.

Marcellus · 09-01-2009, 08:21 PM

Pioli Zombie · 09-01-2009, 08:21 PM

Shitsprayer would be very happy.
Posted via Mobile Device

**CosmicPal** · 09-01-2009, 08:23 PM

Oh boy, this ought to be a dandy.

**DeezNutz** · 09-01-2009, 08:23 PM

What kind of rebates would there be?

Cash for clunkers? Special financing options? $95K, is that the sticker price?

Trade ins? Leases?

Too many questions remain...

**Bane** · 09-01-2009, 08:23 PM

Obama might be silly but he's no fuggn idiot!!!
Posted via Mobile Device

**CosmicPal** · 09-01-2009, 08:27 PM

This is my slave right here. Worth every penny.

stumppy · 09-01-2009, 08:28 PM

I voted no because it is just wrong. However, if the oppurtunity came up to purchase a stickman as my own personal slave then I'd have to reconsider.

CCU2000 · 09-01-2009, 08:28 PM

thigga what?

rambleonthruthefog · 09-01-2009, 08:31 PM

if i ended up one of the slaves, i would steal a lot.

View Poll Results: See Rules Below. Would you buy one?
Part 1. Would you buy one or more?	3	4.35%
Yes	20	28.99%
No	37	53.62%
Unsure.	3	4.35%
Part 2. If yes, why? Select the ONE main reason.	3	4.35%
It seems like a good economic investment.	9	13.04%
I could use the help.	12	17.39%
I would relish the absolute power.	4	5.80%
Other reason. See my explanation below.	1	1.45%
Part 3. If no, why not? Select the ONE main reason.	2	2.90%
I couldn't afford one.	8	11.59%
I don't need one.	8	11.59%
Slavery is wrong! WRONG! What kind of demented poll is this?	30	43.48%
Other reason. See my explanation below.	5	7.25%
Part 4. If unsure, why are you unsure? Select the ONE main reason.	2	2.90%
It seems wrong, but wow, it'd be soooo handy.	6	8.70%
I'd really like to know more about the shopping process.	2	2.90%
I'm not sure how history would judge me.	0	0%
I'm afraid of what I would do with absolute power, but I relish it.	1	1.45%
I'm not sure it's really a good deal, what with all this health care reform stuff and taxes.	1	1.45%
I'm unsure why I'm unsure.	0	0%
Other reason. See my explanation below.	3	4.35%
Part 5. Required apologies	3	4.35%
I'm checking this box as an apology for even thinking about this.	25	36.23%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 69. You may not vote on this poll

09-01-2009, 08:15 PM	Topic Starter
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-682449 VARSITY	If slavery was legal... Hypothetical situation here, and I'll start by apologizing in advance to every African American person on the board if you want me to. Background: NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. In order to help pay for a new stimulus package that provides big-screen TVs, unlimited 7-11 Big Gulps, and liposuction for every American, Obama's wacky science advisor re-establishes slavery in the United States. Every American draws a random number and 30 percent (those drawing a number ending in a 2, 4 or 7 if you're interested) will become slaves. So the slave population will contain people of all education levels, ages, genders, and yes, all races. Those slaves are then placed for sale by the government in a controlled auction environment. NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. You and all of your friends and relatives and friendly coworkers draw safe numbers, so you don't have to worry about anyone you know. NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. All laws are rewritten so that owning slaves is legal, generally along the lines of the year 1850. There is no social stigma to being a slaveowner, as it is condoned by nearly all daytime TV talk shows as well as Comedy Central, FOX News, and National Public Radio (though NPR suggests donating them to NPR in your will). The Constitution is amended to allow it, so it's not going anywhere in your lifetime. NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. I MEAN IT. Based on about five minutes of research, it appears that the price for a slave in 1850, if inflated to today's dollars, would range from about $15,000 for someone with flaws (advanced age, health, etc.), to about $50,000 for an average slave, to about $95,000 for a top-notch, good-looking, prime-of-life slave. NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. I MEAN IT. I'M NOT KIDDING. Recall that you would be responsible for all of this person's expenses and upkeep, including housing, health care, food, etc. However, in return you get...well...the person. Free labor for the remainder of the person's natural life, and no saying no to anything. NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. I MEAN IT. I'M NOT KIDDING. NO RACE TALK. Much like a car, an interested buyer can shop around and buy a person who seems like the best value according to their own criteria. Be honest. Would you buy one? NOTE: THIS IS NOT A RACE THING. DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE. SERIOUSLY. DON'T EVEN GO THERE. I MEAN IT. I'M NOT KIDDING. NO RACE TALK. NONE. And I'll finish by apologizing to any African Americans on the board if you want me to.
Posts: 145,512

09-01-2009, 08:17 PM	#2
stumppy New and Improved Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Springfield, Mo. Casino cash: $-2391410	You racist bastard. __________________ “As a nation, we can endure damaging policies for a four-year term. But we cannot survive a president willing to terminate our Constitution”
Posts: 22,356

09-01-2009, 08:18 PM	#3
Donger "Think BOOM!" Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: 33.675° N 106.475° W Casino cash: $6819900 VARSITY	I believe that the correct thread title should be: "If slavery were legal..." I hope that isn't too White. __________________ I think the young people enjoy it when I "get down," verbally, don't you?
Posts: 191,135

09-01-2009, 08:20 PM	#4
Bane C.H.I.E.F.S Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: **** your face Casino cash: $10005055	Fuggn cracka!!!!! Posted via Mobile Device
Posts: 12,621

09-01-2009, 08:21 PM	#5
smittysbar Right in the Lumberyard Danny Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: LaPlata, MO Casino cash: $10004942	Is this a race thing.......... __________________
Posts: 6,646

09-01-2009, 08:21 PM	#6
ElGringo Veteran Join Date: May 2008 Location: Shreveport, La Casino cash: $9975100	YOU RACIST BASTARD!!!! OK, just kidding there, I would probably own one if I could afford it, but in all honesty, would require myself to treat them fairly, and could not afford the upkeep on it, nor the initially asking price. To become a slave on the otherhand...in the economic situation I was in in the united states...I might volunteer, relatively young age and healthy body, hope I get a good family.
Posts: 1,196

09-01-2009, 08:21 PM	#7
Marcellus Diablo Negro Join Date: Sep 2003 Casino cash: $-497338
Posts: 74,404

09-01-2009, 08:21 PM	#8
Pioli Zombie Banned Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: olathe,kansas Casino cash: $10004900	Shitsprayer would be very happy. Posted via Mobile Device
Posts: 11,077

09-01-2009, 08:23 PM	#9
CosmicPal Learn it. Know it. Live it. Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: St. Petersburg, FL Casino cash: $10004900	Oh boy, this ought to be a dandy. __________________ - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - Four blessings upon my fellow planeteers: Older whiskey, younger women, faster horses, and more money.
Posts: 10,840

09-01-2009, 08:27 PM	#12
CosmicPal Learn it. Know it. Live it. Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: St. Petersburg, FL Casino cash: $10004900	This is my slave right here. Worth every penny. __________________ - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - Four blessings upon my fellow planeteers: Older whiskey, younger women, faster horses, and more money.
Posts: 10,840

09-01-2009, 08:28 PM	#13
stumppy New and Improved Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Springfield, Mo. Casino cash: $-2391410	I voted no because it is just wrong. However, if the oppurtunity came up to purchase a stickman as my own personal slave then I'd have to reconsider. __________________ “As a nation, we can endure damaging policies for a four-year term. But we cannot survive a president willing to terminate our Constitution”
Posts: 22,356

09-01-2009, 08:28 PM	#14
CCU2000 Starter Join Date: Nov 2008 Casino cash: $10004900	thigga what?
Posts: 131

09-01-2009, 08:31 PM	#15
rambleonthruthefog Veteran Join Date: May 2008 Location: Austin, Texas Casino cash: $2925026	if i ended up one of the slaves, i would steal a lot.
Posts: 1,403