Late Night Bullshit: God has now entered the forums.

[Direckshun]

Hello, Children.

This Is God.

I Figured It's Been About... 2,000 Years Or So Since I Last Bestowed You With My Wisdom Directly.

So. I Chose This Forum For My Next Bestowing.

Here's The Problem, Though: Being God Is Pretty Time Consuming, So I've Only Got Two Hours.

And I Didn't Want To Go Through The Hassle Of Creating My Own Username, Either. So The Actual Direckshun Is Running In A Celestial Mouse-Wheel, Totally Naked With A Ball Gag In His Mouth.

What's On Your Mind. Tell Me Your Praise, Your Sorrows, Give Me Your Questions.

You Get Two Hours To Shoot The Shit With God. Go.

[pr_capone]

Originally Posted by Direckshun

I Did Not Do Those Things.

Here's A Pretty Good Rule Of Thumb: If You Read Something, And Go "Why The Hell Would A Benevolent God Do Something This Evil?," There's A Damn Good Chance I Didn't Do That Something. I Want People To Be Happy And Help Each Other, I Don't Ordain Them To Slaughter One Another Or Sprinkle Undue Blessings On Some That Others Won't Receive. That Doesn't Make A Lot Of Sense.

I Mean, Hell. Some Of Those Things Didn't Even Happen. There Was No Major Earth Flood That Killed Humanity, For Instance. And You Folks Know This -- There's No Archeological Evidence For It.

Those Things Are Crude Man-Made Allegories Designed To Promote Some Truth That Hopefully Makes Life Easier And More Benevolent. Some Of Those Succeed Greater Than Others.

So everything good the bible says you did... you did. Everything bad it says you did... you didn't. Gotcha.

I totally believe you. Really... I do!

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by Pam Oliver's Forehead

Do you flick pain for your own pleasure?

I Don't Feel Physical Pain Or Physical Pleasure. I'm Not A Physical Entity.

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by pr_capone

So everything good the bible says you did... you did. Everything bad it says you did... you didn't. Gotcha.

I totally believe you. Really... I do!

I Didn't Do A Lot Of The "Good" Stuff, Either. The Stories Are Allegorical. They Are Lessons. Whether I Specifically Did Anything Is Less Important Than The Lessons The Stories Are Meant To Impart.

[Hammock Parties]

Originally Posted by Direckshun

I Don't Feel Physical Pain Or Physical Pleasure. I'm Not A Physical Entity.

The bible says otherwise.

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by Pam Oliver's Forehead

The bible says otherwise.

Well, The Bible Was Written By A Bunch Of Dudes Who Really Wanted Me To Exist In A Form That Was Conceivable To Them.

The Bible Is One Window Of Many That People Use To Understand The Type Of Entity I Am. But It Is Not Me.

[Direckshun]

This Thread Has Taken An Unexpectedly Intense Turn.

You've Got Me For About Seven More Minutes, Folks. Bring The Thunder.

[Hammock Parties]

What do you think of players who pray after TDs and thank you for their sporting success?

[pr_capone]

Originally Posted by Direckshun

I Didn't Do A Lot Of The "Good" Stuff, Either. The Stories Are Allegorical. They Are Lessons. Whether I Specifically Did Anything Is Less Important Than The Lessons The Stories Are Meant To Impart.

So the lesson we learn from 2 Kings 2:23,24 is that children need to respect their elders. The "allegorical" account of Elisha cursing them in your name and two bears popping out of nowhere to kill 42 kids is just a story to teach children to be sensitive to an old balding man.

Jesus Christ man... not even the Brothers Grimm could come up with ****ed up stories "to teach lessons" like yours.

What lesson does 2 Kings 19:35 impart? Or are you gonna say that the angel that killed the entire Assyrian camp went rogue?

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by Pam Oliver's Forehead

What do you think of players who pray after TDs and thank you for their sporting success?

I Think It's A Display That Means Well: It's A Way Of Saying "My Success Is Thanks To Many More Things That Are Bigger Than Me."

But, Rest Assured, I Didn't Guide That Football Into Your Hands. The Offensive Coordinator Drew Up The Play, And The QB Threw It.

I Just Watched It Happen, Like Everybody Else.

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by pr_capone

So the lesson we learn from 2 Kings 2:23,24 is that children need to respect their elders. The "allegorical" account of Elisha cursing them in your name and two bears popping out of nowhere to kill 42 kids is just a story to teach children to be sensitive to an old balding man.

Jesus Christ man... not even the Brothers Grimm could come up with ****ed up stories "to teach lessons" like yours.

What lesson does 2 Kings 19:35 impart? Or are you gonna say that the angel that killed the entire Assyrian camp went rogue?

Those Stories Are Written By Men. I Endorse The Ones That Make Sense And Promote A Sensible Altruism That Makes The World A Better Place.

The Bible's Packed With 'Em. It's Also, Unfortunately, Saddled With Some Stuff That Makes No Sense, Or Makes Me Out As Some Weird Omnipotent Dictator Of Suffering.

[Hammock Parties]

Are you familiar at all with Xlibutscrale, a higher entity who has also communed with this forum? If so, your take on him?

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by Pam Oliver's Forehead

Are you familiar at all with Xlibutscrale, a higher entity who has also communed with this forum? If so, your take on him?

I Am Unfamiliar With The Antics of Xlibutscrale.

Mostly I Just Lurk ChiefsPlanet. I'm Not A Terribly Active Member.

[Consistent1]

You guys are all nuts. Make me feel better about my own problems at least.

[pr_capone]

Originally Posted by Direckshun

Those Stories Are Written By Men. I Endorse The Ones That Make Sense And Promote A Sensible Altruism That Makes The World A Better Place.

The Bible's Packed With 'Em. It's Also, Unfortunately, Saddled With Some Stuff That Makes No Sense, Or Makes Me Out As Some Weird Omnipotent Dictator Of Suffering.

I believe you to be more than capable of both.

I have long had a theory about you.

I believe you had the universe when you were a child. You grew it and loved it but being a little shit... you also liked to shake the shit out of it, tap on the glass, and every now and then take a magnifying glass "just to see what would happen". (Old Testament)

You grew into a young adult and had a better grasp of humanity and the kind of things that we as humans needed to thrive and grow. Then we killed JC. After that comes the book of Revelations which is essentially a gigantic **** you to human kind and an anvil just hanging over our collective heads while we can do nothing about when/how it will drop. (New Testament)

You then grew into an adult. Tired of your childish things, you set the universe on a shelf and forgot it existed. Every now and then we might catch a glimpse of you while you are rooting around in your closed but by and large... we don't hear from you.

Personally... I like the adult you the best.

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by Consistent1

You guys are all nuts. Make me feel better about my own problems at least.

You're Great.