Work social functions

[Titty Meat]

So my job is already planning their holiday party and the boss has came out and said any activity that involves drinking will require all employees to Uber. Which got me thinking of the one time an old job took a party bus to a Chiefs game and one of my co workers got so ****ing hammered she ended up being REAL flirty with all of the male employees and ended up puking her brains out and passing out on the ride back from the game.

People forget while these things are intended to be fun you're still at work by extension. What's your funny story about a social work function?

[TLO]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

It's not a particularly funny story, but before I started my company I worked at a small consulting firm. They had a Christmas party at the house of one of the senior people. I had a new intern assigned to me, and I hadn't had any time to get to know her. I ended up sitting next to her and her husband-to-be at dinner.

We were making small talk, and I found out that the guy was a college student. I asked what degree he was pursuing, and he said "philosophy". I nodded politely, and the guy suddenly went off on me. In a loud mocking voice, he said, "I saw that look you gave me! Ooooh, philosophy major! He'll never get a job! Useless degree! Well, yes! Yes! I'm a philosophy major and I don't care what you think! " On and on and on. I had done nothing but politely nod.

I had no opinion at all about the guy until that moment. But I acquired an instant dislike for him. He was just a jerk.

So now I had this intern, and my opinion of her was not very high because it would take a really stupid woman to be with this guy. Later, she commented on how clever he was because he liked to make racist comments to news articles "just to make people mad". She seemed to think that that was a sign of an advanced sense of humor. So my opinion went down another notch.

It turned out that this woman was completely incompetent at her job, too, and unethical to boot. She also had an incredibly annoying personality. I was responsible for her at the time but didn't have the authority to fire her, so I was stuck with her until I eventually quit.

Twenty years later, she's still floating around in my industry in different jobs and still an idiot. A few years back, a client came to me to take over a project that was in progress, and they told me that "they were tired of the consultant making screwups". That's an unusually frank thing to hear from a client, and when they sent me the files to clean up the mess, guess whose signature was on the work?

I don't hate the woman because she doesn't warrant that level of passion. She's just the human equivalent of walking through a spider web. When you encounter her you make a disgusted face and swat her away.

That woman now posts on www.chiefsplanet.com under the name (redacted).

[BWillie]

Originally Posted by TLO

I avoid work functions at all cost. I like my work to stay at work. When I'm off the clock, I don't want to spend time with people I work with every day.

While that was always my stance on things, thats why Im a professional poker player and not some upper management guy. Its not good for your career, but I found it hard to care about the politics of it all when I was a 9 to 5 guy.

[T-post Tom]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

It's not a particularly funny story, but before I started my company I worked at a small consulting firm. They had a Christmas party at the house of one of the senior people. I had a new intern assigned to me, and I hadn't had any time to get to know her. I ended up sitting next to her and her husband-to-be at dinner.

We were making small talk, and I found out that the guy was a college student. I asked what degree he was pursuing, and he said "philosophy". I nodded politely, and the guy suddenly went off on me. In a loud mocking voice, he said, "I saw that look you gave me! Ooooh, philosophy major! He'll never get a job! Useless degree! Well, yes! Yes! I'm a philosophy major and I don't care what you think!" On and on and on. I had done nothing but politely nod.

I had no opinion at all about the guy until that moment. But I acquired an instant dislike for him. He was just a jerk.

Did her fiancé ride a bike & speak with a French accent?

[George Liquor]

When i was in high school an old job rented a party bus and drove us up to the Edge of Hell/The Beast and supplied the beer. I think it was like the 2nd or 3rd time i ever drank... one of the smoking hot KU chick waitresses ended up holding my hand through the entire thing. I tried to hit on her afterwards and was promptly shot down lmao

Then my buddy puked out the bus window

[trndobrd]

Once upon a time I was assigned to an Army unit at a major training base that conducted monthly training operation as the ‘bad guys’. At the end of each cycle there was a leaders call at the Officers/NCO club that included recap of the cycle, awards and promotions, recognition of new unit members, etc. The highlight was the award for dubious distinction on the ‘battlefield’ nomination from the floor, and nomination speeches were required to include at least one true fact. Usually, it was the staff of one unit nominating another with over the top nomination speeches….all in good fun.
Once, a young officer, after a couple drinks, nominated this commander for falling off his tank at at the start of the battle and riding in a truck until he caught back up. The entire banquet hall went quiet as everyone sat in silence watching the young man’s career implode with each word.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by T-post Tom

Did her fiancé ride a bike & speak with a French accent?

I doubt that he was smart enough to speak French. Even if he was French.

[Titty Meat]

Originally Posted by trndobrd

Once upon a time I was assigned to an Army unit at a major training base that conducted monthly training operation as the ‘bad guys’. At the end of each cycle there was a leaders call at the Officers/NCO club that included recap of the cycle, awards and promotions, recognition of new unit members, etc. The highlight was the award for dubious distinction on the ‘battlefield’ nomination from the floor, and nomination speeches were required to include at least one true fact. Usually, it was the staff of one unit nominating another with over the top nomination speeches….all in good fun.
Once, a young officer, after a couple drinks, nominated this commander for falling off his tank at at the start of the battle and riding in a truck until he caught back up. The entire banquet hall went quiet as everyone sat in silence watching the young man’s career implode with each word.

Wow.

[TinyEvel]

In the early 2000s I worked at one of the hot ad agencies in L.A. We always had our holiday party at whatever the hottest night club in LA was at the time, but rented the whole place out mid-week like on a Thursday.

Open bar, food, and pretty much everyone knew who was holding. Lots of activity in and out of the bathrooms. Late into the evening the hi-jinx would start to form. Usually starts with some of the young single people hooking up. Then a married person hooking up with someone -- usually a younger person or their co-worker. Then things like a married man making out with a gay man in a dark corner, or two women hooking up. People sharing bathroom stalls. The CEO one time was dancing with a hot blonde, and wrapped his arms around her body and picked her up by her butt cheeks and just rocked back and forth for about a minute. Afterparties. And steamy car windows in the parking lot. The works.

The next day the office would bring in 300 Egg mc Muffins for whoever had to show up in the morning.

[Eureka]

Worked at a car dealership and we had a nice Christmas party every year. One year at a company holiday party a fellow salesman decided to get hammered at the party. I walk up to him to say hello and he starts talking about my mom (who worked at the dealership also) and how she was so hot. He kept going on and on about her right in front of his wife. He was obviously shitfaced. He was such a mellow guy at work I was kind of surprised.

Anyways in a drunken state he starts calling out other sales people and how he wants to go "outside" while he can barely stand. He could barely punch his way out of a paper bag.

1. He gets a DUI on the way home with his sober wife as a passenger.

2. Next year at the Christmas party we have a new ticket system for drinks. Only two tickets per guest. Thanks Tauge.

3. He lost his job months later because it's not cool to have a DUI and drive dealer vehicles in California.

[scho63]

Many years ago I went to a company holiday party. One of the senior leader's wife either broke her high heel or it got caught on the top of the concrete stairs leading into the banquet hall. She tumbled backwards down about 8 stairs, split her head open and broke her ankle.

Once the ambulance came to take her away, the party got cancelled as the other top leadership didn't feel it was in good taste to continue.

People were ****ing pissed.

[vonBobo]

Random office wanker gets drunk at a royals game and decides to tell the CFO he is bored, doesn't have any work to do, and has a lot of good ideas to get the dept back on track. Before his coworkers could stop him from getting himself fired, the CFO takes the high road and smartly asks the guy to come to his office at 7:30 the next morning for a meeting. Well drunk guy oversleeps and never had his meeting with the CFO. We never had booze at a function again while that CFO was there.

I was around drunk guy at a couple of parties and tailgates and he would start to black out after only a couple of beers. He wasn't a wet brain alcoholic type, didn't drink all that much, he literally just couldn't process liquor like most people and never realized he should t touch the stuff.

[Molitoth]

Originally Posted by TLO

I avoid work functions at all cost. I like my work to stay at work. When I'm off the clock, I don't want to spend time with people I work with every day.

Weird, I'm the opposite as I have found having fun with work colleagues builds a relationship that makes it's much easier to have trust within the work environment. That said, I don't think I've ever been stupid drunk... I have so much practice drinking, I can handle myself. =)

[ChiTown]

I truly miss big work functions. I always had a blast. Last one I went to was the year we sold our business in 2017. We had a blowout golf event. Nothing better for team building and relationships, imo, like theses outings.

[FlaChief58]

Originally Posted by TLO

I avoid work functions at all cost. I like my work to stay at work. When I'm off the clock, I don't want to spend time with people I work with every day.

This is the correct answer

[ThaVirus]

Originally Posted by ChiTown

I truly miss big work functions. I always had a blast. Last one I went to was the year we sold our business in 2017. We had a blowout golf event. Nothing better for team building and relationships, imo, like theses outings.

I love them as well, provided the company pays for the food, drinks, excursion, etc. of course.

I don’t give a damn about spending time with my coworkers outside of work hours, but I find it fun and refreshing to see them in a different setting once a year.