Marriage problems: First one to mention Anti-freeze wins

[Huffman83]

So....the wife is taking her 15 minute breather from a big fight in reference to finances. For the past 3 years, I've been the "bread winner." as in I pay the bills, buy dinner, entertainment...etc.

She has a lot of student loan dept that I was already aware of. However, some things I was not aware of initially was how much credit card debt she had due to her charging random shit to her credit card while she was a student.

Therefore I'm lucky to get $250 bucks a month from her in order to pay bills.

Between mortgage, insurance, utilities, entertainment, (cable,internet etc.) cell/phone bills. 58% of my earnings goes towards house bills. Not to mention food, gas and my own personal debt.

The wife gets a new job and is making more money. COOL!!!! Initially she states she'll be able to give me double of what she can. I'm still paying 45% of my monthly income. While she is only paying aprox 36 % of the bills. That's $500 bucks if you're still following.

I've been broke and barely able to make ends meet...and when the wife asks me to only give me $400 a month to help w/ bills and then we can start having kids in 2012. And I say no...that's bullshit, I'm at my wits end.

I'm still the asshole aren't I?

[Nixhex]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

i'm curious. do the separate finance people do so because their spouses have different saving/spending philosophies? and if you save diligently and your spouse spends every penny, how will retirement go? will you be going on cruises by yourself? will the two of you go grocery shopping and you'll be putting steak in your cart while she's stocking up on fancy feast? I would think the odds are high that one of you will have much more money over a 50-year time period.
Posted via Mobile Device

This is interesting. I do believe I will end up ahead in the long run due to my spending habits. She likes to spend every dime. I'm more frugal. As for food, we treat the groceries as a bill and share in the expense. No one will eat any better or worse than the other. In this past year I've been able to do more things for my family as a result of my frugal nature. In the past my wife may have blown this money on junk. If things get tough for one of us we will adapt our way of doing things to a way that works. This system doesn't have to remain exact until death do us part. It can change as our lives change.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Nixhex

This is interesting. I do believe I will end up ahead in the long run due to my spending habits. She likes to spend every dime. I'm more frugal. As for food, we treat the groceries as a bill and share in the expense. No one will eat any better or worse than the other. In this past year I've been able to do more things for my family as a result of my frugal nature. In the past my wife may have blown this money on junk. If things get tough for one of us we will adapt our way of doing things to a way that works. This system doesn't have to remain exact until death do us part. It can change as our lives change.

that's cool if it works for you. it seems like your wife gets to have her cake and eat it too with both spending and a savings safety net while you get neither advantage, though.

perhaps i'm just lucky that my wife and I have similar philosophies so i've never had to figure this out.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Huffman83]

What's interesting is how much the options/opinions given work and don't work.

There isn't an answer to this is there?

[Lumpy]

PIIHB

[Nixhex]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

that's cool if it works for you. it seems like your wife gets to have her cake and eat it too with both spending and a savings safety net while you get neither advantage, though.

perhaps i'm just lucky that my wife and I have similar philosophies so i've never had to figure this out.
Posted via Mobile Device

You are lucky. I'd prefer to do it the old fashion way. It just didn't work for us. Our system is working for now. It may change in the future though. Only time will tell.

[Huffman83]

And btw, after talking a little further. She apologized.

[Nixhex]

Originally Posted by Huffman83

And btw, after talking a little further. She apologized.

So did you get to finish on her face or perhaps she swallowed?

[Huffman83]

Originally Posted by Nixhex

So did you get to finish on her face or perhaps she swallowed?

Fortunately I don't have to be in a fight in order to get those things.

So I got that going for me!

[Rausch]

Originally Posted by Nixhex

So did you get to finish on her face or perhaps she swallowed?

I see two people unwilling to give up their expectations.

Not saying who's right or wrong, just pretty much what you've laid out for us.






That only ends one way...

[Nixhex]

Originally Posted by Huffman83

Fortunately I don't have to be in a fight in order to get those things.

So I got that going for me!

[Mr. Plow]

Christ. Some of you know what % of bills comes out of your check verse hers. That's crazy to me. I make a bit more - not much - than my wife does. But, when I'm figuring bills each month, I say "Ok, we have XXXX amount of dollars - how much needs to go to bills." We don't say "Ok, you made this much, you're money will go to X% & my money will cover X% of the bills."

Just seems really really weird to me. What's mine is hers and what's hers is mine.

[jidar]

Separate finances in a marraige only works when it's vastly lopsided or both sides have way more income than they need to pay everything.
If you're like most households that have to keep a budget and work to pay off bills and debt then I can't possibly see how this will work.
You will get divorced.

[The Franchise]

Originally Posted by Mr. Plow

Christ. Some of you know what % of bills comes out of your check verse hers. That's crazy to me. I make a bit more - not much - than my wife does. But, when I'm figuring bills each month, I say "Ok, we have XXXX amount of dollars - how much needs to go to bills." We don't say "Ok, you made this much, you're money will go to X% & my money will cover X% of the bills."

Just seems really really weird to me. What's mine is hers and what's hers is mine.

I've posted it on here before but my wife and I have separate accounts. We're planning on keeping it this way until both of us pay off a majority of our personal debt.

When it comes to mutual bills though.....we split it down the middle. It doesn't go off of what each of us make. If rent is $1000 (which it's not)....then we each pay $500.

[DeezNutz]

Originally Posted by Mr. Plow

Christ. Some of you know what % of bills comes out of your check verse hers. That's crazy to me. I make a bit more - not much - than my wife does. But, when I'm figuring bills each month, I say "Ok, we have XXXX amount of dollars - how much needs to go to bills." We don't say "Ok, you made this much, you're money will go to X% & my money will cover X% of the bills."

Just seems really really weird to me. What's mine is hers and what's hers is mine.

You're saying that it might not be healthy in a marriage to be concerned if your wife cannot cover 42.8% of the monthly expenditures and if she wants to have more than 22.2% in disposable income?

[jidar]

Originally Posted by Just Passin' By

Get her to cancel all her credit cards, take her check when it comes in, pay her bills for her, and give her an agreed upon amount from each check until the bills are all paid off.

if she gives you some nonsense about not being supportive of her, or about trust, or equality, point out that getting rid of her debt is going to put you into debt, and that she's not being supportive of you if she can't help you avoid that burden.

Frame the debate.

worst post in the thread.