Football Seven Tips From a New Jersey Guy

**gblowfish** · 01-27-2014, 03:34 PM

On how to navigate Super Bowl Week in New Jersey, and not piss off the locals:

http://www.nj.com/super-bowl/index.s..._us_angry.html

To football fans, visiting media and other dignitaries arriving here for the Super Bowl: Welcome to New Jersey! And, before you gather up your luggage at the Newark Airport baggage carousel and dive into the first cab headed to Manhattan, we can be clear on that point, right?

The Super Bowl is in New Jersey.

We put up with a lot here when it comes to the New York name on things. We tolerate it with the Giants, even if they haven’t played across the Hudson River in almost 40 years, because they were founded in 1925. We accept it with the Jets, because given their lackluster history, not having New Jersey attached to them has been just fine.

We have enough toxic dumps, if you know what I mean. Hey look, I just made a bad Jersey joke. *

* Don’t do this.

But the Super Bowl? Not this time. Yes, the NFL decided to put “NY/NJ” on its logo and – of course – screw us by holding nearly all of the major events across the Hudson River. Yes, the official game program dedicated such a small fraction of its cover to our state, directly below the Lombardi Trophy near the very edge, that it could be mistaken for a smudge.

That’s us to the NFL: A necessary smudge. But not even almighty Roger Goodell can change the geography. MetLife Stadium is the site of Super Bowl XLVIII. MetLife Stadium is located in East Rutherford, N.J. Therefore, one more time everyone, the Super Bowl is in New Jersey.

Got it? Good.

So let that be your first tip to navigating the week ahead. You are no doubt arriving here with plenty of guides, maps and friendly advice to help you enjoy your big trip, so we’ll cut right to the important stuff.

Namely: You not making us angrier than we already are. So, with that in mind, here are a few helpful hints for your stay:

1. Yes. We get it. It’s cold. You want to complain about the weather, go right ahead. Just don’t complain to us about the weather. We aren’t the brainiacs who put the game here. It’s early February in New Jersey. We live in a constant rotation of ice, snow and slush. You want to talk more about it? Here, take this shovel and get to work on my driveway. I’ll be right back.

2. Get out of the #@$%& left lane. You might have heard, but traffic is a sensitive topic around here. Spending three hours at the George Washington Bridge just to send a message to a small-town mayor will do that to the most patient people, and we’re not that. So, if you’re going to drive 55 in the left lane on the Turnpike, that 18 wheeler three inches from your rear fender has our full endorsement.

3. Oh, about that building next to the stadium. Yes, the one with all the multicolored panels that looks like it should be the world’s large clown college or a failed experiment with giant Legos. It was known as Xanadu, and you’re probably going to wonder what, exactly, it is. We have no idea, either.

4. Go easy on the Jersey jokes. “What exit?” HA HA HA! Never heard THAT one before. Here, I’ll tell you what exit: Go find Exit 6 on the Turnpike. Then keep going for a while into you see a sign that says “Welcome to Pennsylvania.” Save the Jersey jokes for the experts, like Jon Stewart (he’s one of us).

5. Need help? Just ask! Just last week, in fact, I was picking up my credential for the media events when I made a wrong turn. I asked a helpful man at the hotel, and he replied, “DID YOU NOT SEE THE BIG SIGN?!” It is this spirit of cooperation that will make us superior hosts.

6. You will not out-snark us. This is a special message for my colleagues arriving for Media Day at the Prudential Center on Tuesday. If you’re coming all the way just to tell the world that Newark isn’t pretty, well, do us all a favor and take your sweaty Birkenstocks back to Denver and your coffee-stained flannel back to Seattle.

7. Try to enjoy the Jersey experience. We understand if you’re staying in Manhattan. See a Broadway show. Visit a museum. We do, all the time. But if you want pancakes at 3 a.m., or if you craving a scenic drive (honest), or just want to see where the real people live, come on over.

We don’t bite. Usually.

01-27-2014, 03:34 PM	Topic Starter
gblowfish Be Kind To Your Pets Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Glorious Independence, MO Casino cash: $17596178 VARSITY	Seven Tips From a New Jersey Guy On how to navigate Super Bowl Week in New Jersey, and not piss off the locals: http://www.nj.com/super-bowl/index.s..._us_angry.html To football fans, visiting media and other dignitaries arriving here for the Super Bowl: Welcome to New Jersey! And, before you gather up your luggage at the Newark Airport baggage carousel and dive into the first cab headed to Manhattan, we can be clear on that point, right? The Super Bowl is in New Jersey. We put up with a lot here when it comes to the New York name on things. We tolerate it with the Giants, even if they haven’t played across the Hudson River in almost 40 years, because they were founded in 1925. We accept it with the Jets, because given their lackluster history, not having New Jersey attached to them has been just fine. We have enough toxic dumps, if you know what I mean. Hey look, I just made a bad Jersey joke. * * Don’t do this. But the Super Bowl? Not this time. Yes, the NFL decided to put “NY/NJ” on its logo and – of course – screw us by holding nearly all of the major events across the Hudson River. Yes, the official game program dedicated such a small fraction of its cover to our state, directly below the Lombardi Trophy near the very edge, that it could be mistaken for a smudge. That’s us to the NFL: A necessary smudge. But not even almighty Roger Goodell can change the geography. MetLife Stadium is the site of Super Bowl XLVIII. MetLife Stadium is located in East Rutherford, N.J. Therefore, one more time everyone, the Super Bowl is in New Jersey. Got it? Good. So let that be your first tip to navigating the week ahead. You are no doubt arriving here with plenty of guides, maps and friendly advice to help you enjoy your big trip, so we’ll cut right to the important stuff. Namely: You not making us angrier than we already are. So, with that in mind, here are a few helpful hints for your stay: 1. Yes. We get it. It’s cold. You want to complain about the weather, go right ahead. Just don’t complain to us about the weather. We aren’t the brainiacs who put the game here. It’s early February in New Jersey. We live in a constant rotation of ice, snow and slush. You want to talk more about it? Here, take this shovel and get to work on my driveway. I’ll be right back. 2. Get out of the #@$%& left lane. You might have heard, but traffic is a sensitive topic around here. Spending three hours at the George Washington Bridge just to send a message to a small-town mayor will do that to the most patient people, and we’re not that. So, if you’re going to drive 55 in the left lane on the Turnpike, that 18 wheeler three inches from your rear fender has our full endorsement. 3. Oh, about that building next to the stadium. Yes, the one with all the multicolored panels that looks like it should be the world’s large clown college or a failed experiment with giant Legos. It was known as Xanadu, and you’re probably going to wonder what, exactly, it is. We have no idea, either. 4. Go easy on the Jersey jokes. “What exit?” HA HA HA! Never heard THAT one before. Here, I’ll tell you what exit: Go find Exit 6 on the Turnpike. Then keep going for a while into you see a sign that says “Welcome to Pennsylvania.” Save the Jersey jokes for the experts, like Jon Stewart (he’s one of us). 5. Need help? Just ask! Just last week, in fact, I was picking up my credential for the media events when I made a wrong turn. I asked a helpful man at the hotel, and he replied, “DID YOU NOT SEE THE BIG SIGN?!” It is this spirit of cooperation that will make us superior hosts. 6. You will not out-snark us. This is a special message for my colleagues arriving for Media Day at the Prudential Center on Tuesday. If you’re coming all the way just to tell the world that Newark isn’t pretty, well, do us all a favor and take your sweaty Birkenstocks back to Denver and your coffee-stained flannel back to Seattle. 7. Try to enjoy the Jersey experience. We understand if you’re staying in Manhattan. See a Broadway show. Visit a museum. We do, all the time. But if you want pancakes at 3 a.m., or if you craving a scenic drive (honest), or just want to see where the real people live, come on over. We don’t bite. Usually.
Posts: 40,843