Parenting advice needed: 13 yo female

[cdcox]

Originally Posted by wutamess

This is what I need... We don't mind her turning on us (I say that now). But I don't want to give her the space where we'll be grandparents raising a grandchild in our 30's. In my mind I'm thinking be on her like flies to shit and when she's 18 let her loose.

Once she's 18 she's an adult and we've done our jobs as far as held up our end of the bargain in raising a good kid. Wifey and I have never had an issue with being together on things and always talk things through and out of site of the kiddos.
I have to go through this 3 more times ! UGH!

Here's what I mean when I say her turning on you:

Scenario A: You set some clear boundaries with consequences. She knows what they are. You give her age-appropriate freedoms (you have to determine what age appropriate means). When she violates a boundary, you follow through with consequences. And then you take your chances just like every other parent. And you probably don't go digging for information that you don't want to learn.

Scenario B: You keep her under close surveillance. You monitor her every activity. You scare away every boy that comes close. You limit her opportunities to be without adult supervision. She becomes bitter and feels like you don't respect her. How do you think she will respond when she turns 18 or goes away to college?

As I said, my daughter is 20. She is no where near ready to support herself financially. But if she gets knocked up I'll help her give the child up for adoption. I won't support one of her kids and I won't help her with an abortion. If she doesn't want to give the child up for adoption, she can figure things out for herself. That is my boundary that I am comfortable with. Someone else's might be different. I hope I never need to resort to that contingency, but I have a plan in place if worse comes to worse.