Parenting advice needed: 13 yo female

[wutamess]

Originally Posted by cdcox

It's tough. My daughter is 20, so I've been through what you're going through. There are no easy answers. You are going to have to feel your way and make mistakes, watch her make mistakes, and hope everyone comes out in one piece a the other end of the meat grinder. Here is my advice after having a tougher road than most, but not as tough as some:

1. She's not an adult yet, but she is on her way. In 5 years (not very long) she will be 18 and legally an adult. That transition doesn't magically happen the day she turns 18. It happens every day, starting now. You are going to have to start thinking about her in different ways.

2. You can't control her. She is her own person and as the years go by, will be away from the eyes of you and your wife more and more. She is going to do what she is going to do.

3. If you are always snooping in on her, she is going to turn on you. If you go spying, you aren't going to like everything you see. I would give her space and privacy unless you think she is doing something "big". See below.

This is what I need... We don't mind her turning on us (I say that now). But I don't want to give her the space where we'll be grandparents raising a grandchild in our 30's. In my mind I'm thinking be on her like flies to shit and when she's 18 let her loose.

Once she's 18 she's an adult and we've done our jobs as far as held up our end of the bargain in raising a good kid. Wifey and I have never had an issue with being together on things and always talk things through and out of site of the kiddos.
I have to go through this 3 more times ! UGH!